Last Week:
Season:
Joe: 34-14
Aaron: 30-18
Tom: 30-18
Detroit at Chicago
Aaron: Within the confines of our 24/7 news cycle ("Where EVERY story has an angle!"), last week's Lions win represented the heart of a fallen city. They'll still be picking up pieces of the Lions' collective aortas long after this one's over. Pick: Chicago
Joe: Dear Matt Forte: [shaking with unspeakable rage] Love, Joe. Pick: Chicago
Cincinnati at Cleveland
Aaron: At this point, I'm not sure I'd take the Cleveland Browns over FOX's "The Cleveland Show". Eh? Eh? Pick: Cincinnati
Joe: Once again, the intra-state rivalry that Ohio department of tourism takes great pains to avoid mentioning at all costs! Pick: Cincinnati
Tennessee at Jacksonville
Aaron: I love that Jags coach Jack Del Rio has pulled the plug on QB David Garrard's weekly radio show, thus depriving the medium's primary listeners (old white people) from interacting with a real live Black guy. You're part of the problem, Jack. Pick: Tennessee
Joe: Oh, Cam, Jack Del Rio's not the Jaguars' coach anymore. Remember, the team totally quit on him about four games into last season and he definitely got ... oh. Huh. Pick: Tennessee
N.Y. Giants at Kansas City
Aaron: Tampa Bay ... Kansas City ... Oakland. Quite the early season baptism by fire for the Giants, no? Pick: NY Giants
Joe: Don't forget the Redskins! Pick: NY Giants
Baltimore at New England
Aaron: Remember that Monday night game a couple of years ago when the Ravens nearly took down the undefeated Pats? This could be the most satisfying sequel since Rush Hour 2. Pick: Baltimore
Joe: There is nothing about this Ravens team that I don't like. Except for Willis McGahee's mooching illegitimate kids. Pick: Baltimore
Oakland at Houston
Aaron: Raiders fans might not sell out their home games and are blindly loyal to Al Davis, but they warmed my heart with the vicious, beer-fueled booing of JaMarcus Russell last week. I was with you in spirit, guys. Pick: Houston
Joe: Dear Steve Slaton: [Shaking ever so slightly less in unspeakable rage only because money you're not in my money league] Love, Joe. Pick: Houston
Tampa Bay at Washington
Aaron: How's that "we gots to get our own Mike Tomlin" strategy working out for ya, Tampa? Pick: Washington
Joe: By the time this season's over, losing to the Lions isn't going to look quite so much like the eternal embarrassment to the Redskins that it does now. Losing to the Bucs, however? Pick: Washington
Seattle at Indianapolis
Aaron: Five years ago, Peyton Manning was perceived as a gutless choker who couldn't win the big game. Today he's simply willing the Colts to victories all by himself. 2014 will be here soon enough, Tony Romo. Pick: Indianapolis
Joe: Wait, so you're saying the snap judgments of young quarterbacks aren't always accurate? What else to believe in? Pick: Indianapolis
N.Y. Jets at New Orleans
Aaron: I think this is the game that everyone thought the Jets were going to have last weekend. Everyone, but me, that is. Check the archives, I'll wait. Pick: New Orleans
Joe: The Bills' defense managed to keep New Orleans entirely in check for three quarters. The Jets' defense is a million billion times better. Pick: NY Jets
Buffalo at Miami
Aaron: Miami just lost QB Chad Pennington for the season. Terrell Owens is 'bout to lose his g*ddam mind. Sometimes, you gotta go with your heart and not your head. Pick: Miami
Joe: Weirdly enough, I'm going with my heart. Pick: Buffalo
St. Louis at San Francisco
Aaron: The 49ers have officially become the team I can't make any sense of from week to week. The Panthers have been that team for what seems like the previous 300 seasons. Pick: San Francisco
Joe: Luckily, I can make total sense of the Rams. Pick: San Francisco
Dallas at Denver
Aaron: The Cowboys are not a great team, but they should be good enough to expose a fraudulent Broncos squad. Pick: Dallas
Joe: God damn it. Is it too much to ask for you to be totally snowed by the Denver=GREAT, Dallas=AWFUL party line? Pick: Dallas
San Diego at Pittsburgh
Aaron: Say what you will about the Chargers during the Norv Turner era, but they've consistently played up (and down) to the level of their competition over the years. Pick: San Diego
Joe: Pittsburgh's having a down season, for sure. Three-game-losing-streak down? Not sure about that. Pick: Pittsburgh
Green Bay at Minnesota
Aaron: Brett Favre's first game against his former team + ESPN's sure-to-be measured n' restrained coverage = the universe collapsing on itself. Pick: Green Bay
Joe: Despite Green Bay's semi-struggles, Aaron Rodgers has actually been deceptively good. That being said, this would be a good week to have a GREAT game. Pick: Green Bay
Confidence Pickin' (with current scores)
Aaron: NY Giants (-9) over CHIEFS; Cowboys (-3) over BRONCOS; Chargers (+6) over STEELERS
Joe: NY Giants (-9) over CHIEFS; Titans (-2) over JAGUARS; Chargers (+6.5) over STEELERS
Tom: Dallas (-2.5) over BRONCOS; Titans (-1.5) over JAGUARS; COLTS (-8.5) over Seahawks
NOTE: Since we're three different guys with three different lives, it's entirely possible that we may be using three different sources for spreads. Bottom line: if you're taking gambling advice from an alcoholic, an ex-con and a shady black guy, you've got bigger problems than some +/- inconsistencies.
3 comments:
As someone who does, in fact, have Steve Slaton in a money league I have enough extra rage for the both of us. I've boiled my season down to coming up with a good name for a Fantasy Disappointment.
And, I think we all read Simmons's picks column. Should we start going with his spreads? I actively avoided not using Bengals -2.5 because the spread moved like 4 points by Friday.
Simmons works for me.
Me too.
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