That Out of Town Guy

Okay...now that we've established that there are, in fact, TWO Miriams in New York, I feel safe in knowing I can take my leave for the weekend.

One of my boys is getting married up in Oakland this Saturday (well, it's actually west of Oakland, near Walnut Creek, so no chance of that New Jack City wedding scene breaking out...). Anyways, if anything interesting goes down, there'll be a Travel Diary in it for you when I get back.

Meanwhile, my goal is to find something Oakland A's-related for my son.

"Jalen, they only had daddy-sizes."

Mid-Term A'Ssessment - The Outfielders

Jack Cust – LF

The Good News: After a rancid April (.176 BA, .265 SLG), I was in attendance at Anaheim when Cust broke out with a 4 for 4 game on May 1. He'd go on to put up an insane 1.004 OPS for that month. Cust currently leads the A's in home runs (18) and on-base percentage (.374), among other offensive categories. His cameo in The Mitchell Report this past offseason wasn't the least bit of an issue, despite Cust coming to camp this year with nearly 30 pounds of "extra muscle".

The Bad News: Honestly, in nearly 30 years of following this team, I can't remember a more polarizing player. Cust strikes out a TON and, for many fans, this makes him worse than herpes. He's sitting at 114 K's on the season and on pace to pass 200 sometime in September. The much bigger problem from where I sit is his defense. I've seen some bad leftfielders in my time – Kevin Reimer springs immediately to mind, as does Dale Murphy's '93 stint in Colorado – but, Cust is something else. Since June 1st, Cust's OPS is just .773.

2nd Half Sure Fire Prediction: Cust is cheap and reasonably productive, so he's not going anywhere. Most A's fans will continue to blindly obsess over the things he can't do (make consistent contact, use his glove, mix in a salad now and then) instead of the things he does better than anyone else on the team (hit home runs, not make outs).

Grade: B

Ryan Sweeney – CF

The Good News: Jettisoned from Chicago as part of the Nick Swisher haul, Sweeney's played with a chip on his shoulder all year and might be the most exciting guy on the team. He stalled in the White Sox system when his power failed to develop, but there's still a lot of value in a .300 hitter who reaches base 35% of the time.

The Bad News: Well, he does only have 14 extra base hits this year. He's only 23, so it's not unreasonable to think that he's still got room to grow in the power department. Of course, here in San Diego, they said the same thing about Sean Burroughs. Oddly enough, Sweeney's #2 comp over at Baseball Prospectus is Travis Buck – a guy who put up better numbers for the A's than Sweeney did in 2007, before completely collapsing this year.

2nd Half Sure Fire Prediction: Sweeney's current .301/.354/.408 line is eerily similar to the numbers he put up over six minor league seasons (.291/.353/.405). There's a lot of talk that he's playing over his head, but I think he keeps this up and finishes in the AL ROY top three.

Grade: B+

Emil Brown – RF

The Good News: He's been killing the ball this month, slugging .513 in 39 at bats and he's tied for the team lead in RBI (47).

The Bad News: RBI might be the most overrated counting stat in all of baseball. Brown's total can be sourced to a fluky first month of the season when he drove in 25 due to an inordinately high number of baserunners when he came to bat and a lot of luck with balls in play. He's a fifth outfielder on a good team as he doesn't have one baseball attribute that he does well (his soft .294 BA vs. LHP this year can't be counted). Defensively, he's almost as bad as Cust, but plays a more important position, so it's a wash.

2nd Half Sure Fire Prediction: I'm absolutely flummoxed. If the A's are trying to contend in 2008, Brown isn't helping. If the A's are building towards 2009 and beyond, Brown won't be around. He's someone only Bizarro Billy Beane would want. Hoping against hope here, but there's no way Emil Quincy Brown gets 308(!) plate appearances in the second half. Right?

Grade: D+

And the rest…: In two separate stints with the A's, Travis Buck hit .160/.235/.321. He's currently back in Triple-A where his moderate power has continued to erode. Carlos Gonzalez has hit 17 doubles in the 39 games since his call up at the end of May. He's got a pretty sweet swing that belies his ghastly BB/K rate (4/37). Rajai Davis is "Willie Mays Hayes" revisited – the Omar Epps version. A punchless midget who's convinced he can hit the ball a mile and refuses to use his one offensive skill (speed) to his advantage. He plays a mean centerfield, though, and is slightly more convincing than Epps as an athlete.

Mid-Term A'Ssessment (See what I did there…?) – Infielders

Daric Barton – 1B

The Good News: He was a heavily hyped ROY candidate after hitting .347/.429/.639 over 72 September at-bats last year. He's had brief stretches of offensive effectiveness (.321/.397/.446 over the last two weeks of April and a similar surge for roughly the first two weeks of June), but that's about it. Defensively, he's not nearly as bad as he looked in the first month.

The Bad News: Since April 23, Barton is hitting .203/.304/.279…and even that doesn't show how bad he's looked at times. Despite the four home runs he hit last September, power is not really his calling card. Yet, I've lost count of the number of times Barton has swung out of his shoes in a futile attempt to pull another high-fastball. Barton had a reputation for stubbornness in the minors and the coaching staff hasn't curtailed his terrible, ineffectual and often times, stupid at-bats.

2nd Half Sure Fire Prediction: Barton's AAA-Sacramento home jersey will still fit like a "T", despite the abundance of post-game spreads in big league clubhouses.

Grade: D

Mark Ellis – 2B

The Good News: His OBP and SLG percentages are right in line with his typical seasons, while his defense remains completely underrated on a national level. Ellis is also 12-for-14 in stolen bases on a team that's currently two SBs away from matching their 2007 total.

The Bad News: His batting average (for what it's worth) is .238, which is about 40 points off his number from last year. Ellis has also looked like he's overtly trying to top last year's home run total of 19. This is his free agent walk year and he's been rumored to be heading home to Arizona in 2009. I dare say that no one has hit more lazy 295 foot fly balls this year than him.

2nd Half Sure Fire Prediction: The Bay Area media will incessantly report that Ellis and the A's are "close" on an extension that will never be signed. Same thing happened with Jason Giambi, Frank Thomas and other fan favorites over the years.

Grade: B

Bobby Crosby – SS

The Good News: After watching him with me on TV since 2003, Mrs. Bootleg finally made the Brad Pitt look-alike reference only five years after everyone else. After first 20 games this season, Crosby was hitting .313/.368/.475 and has fooled legions of A's fans into thinking he's finally realizing his potential. He's still his usual solid self with the glove.

The Bad News: From his 21st game played – on April 22 – through July 2 (when he strained a hamstring and hit the DL), Crosby is hitting .243/.300/.343 and has constantly been slotted in the middle of the order. It'd be different if he made the effort to adjust his approach from at-bat to at-bat and game to game, but his swing is still long, he refuses to walk an no one bats an eye.

2nd Half Sure Fire Prediction: Now in the fifth full year of his six-year pass from the fans and media, Crosby will continue to skate along on the merits of his overrated ROY season in 2004. Look for writers to get a head start on their annual "Crosby Hopes for Healthy '09" stories later this summer.

Grade: D+

Jack Hannahan – 3B

The Good News: He is what he is – a quadruple-A player who has no business starting at a corner infield spot in the bigs, but he's held his own with the glove. There was a six-week stretch from late April to early June in which he hit .279 with a .385 OBP, but it says something that the best news of all was the return of Eric Chavez…for awhile.

The Bad News: His swing reminds me of a very slightly less "torquey" Phil Plantier. GM Billy Beane gets tons of credit for finding underappreciated and undervalued talent, but that approach is Teflon-infused. If a guy like Hannahan hits, Beane's a "genius". If he doesn't, then no one expected him to hit.

2nd Half Sure Fire Prediction: There is no f'ing way that John Joseph Hannahan gets 300 plate appearances in the second half of the 2008 season.

Grade: D+

And, the Rest…: Well, he had his moments in the first half, but it's obvious that Eric Chavez isn't ready to reclaim the everyday third base job. After three surgeries in the offseason, he logged about 90 at-bats before heading back to the DL. On the plus side, he's had some huge clutch hits in a limited sample. Donnie Murphy hit two home runs vs. the Twins on April 24. Since then, he's hit .151/.250/.233…and missed time with a bum elbow…and struck out 26 times in 73 at-bats.

"This Mexican Walks into Israel…"

I worked with Jeff Fernandez first at 411mania, then over at Inside Pulse. Longtime readers know that – from 2003 to 2006 – I was That Friday Music News Guy and Jeff held it down on Saturdays with the long-running, always entertaining Saturday Swindle Sheet. My favorite Fernandez stuff has to start with this piece on strip club anthems. His "World's Finest" team-up is another gem. But, he hooked me for good with the fast food reviews he'd slip into columns. It's no secret that he inspired what's inexplicably become the most popular topic on this blog, so I'm handing over the keyboard to him…

Last month I went to Israel. Since That_Bootleg_Guy and I both share an appreciation for all types of food (though mainly the unhealthy variety), and I've got no outlet for this at either Machine Gun Funk or Inside Pulse (damn Fingers for not letting me post food reviews to Moodspins), I'm making a guest appearance here to share some of my culinary adventures.

Pizza-by-the-slice joints are also all over the place, with a popular topping on pizza being corn. I guess since putting meat on pizza isn't kosher, they felt the need to experiment with as many other vegetable combos as possible. But I digress... in actuality, I was really digging the corn, as it gives a nice texture to the pizza and is pretty damn good when paired with some sliced green olives. Other common toppings are onions, spinach, tomato and... tuna. Sorry, I just couldn't. You'll have to try that one yourself to find out what it's like.

Probably the most easily accessible and therefore most well-known of Middle Eastern culinary items is the trifecta of hummus, falafel and shawarma. For the uninitiated, here's a quick breakdown: Hummus is a ground chickpea-based paste eaten either as a condiment or a dip with a side of sliced pita bread for dipping. Falafel are golf-ball sized fritters made with crushed, spiced chickpeas and are often served with tahini (sesame paste) for dipping. Last, but certainly not least, shawarma—the most substantial of the three and the one that I'll focus on the most here—is made by stacking sliced pieces of lamb, goat or turkey (in some cases beef or chicken is also used) onto a vertical skewer (not unlike those things you can put on your desk for impaling pieces of paper that you intend to read later) and then sticking the whole thing into a rotisserie, from which the meat is sliced off (like the meat for a gyros or tacos al pastor) an put into a pita with a wide array of toppings.

The first shawarma I had was in the Muslim Quarter of the Old City. It was delicious goat meat (being of Mexican heritage, I was already familiar with the deliciousness that is goat meat) sliced off of a spit and served inside of a pita with red cabbage, hummus and diced tomato and cucumber salad (also known as Israel salad, of salat aravi). It was about four dollars, which is pretty cheap given the exchange rate. I would later have another one at a snack bar across from the Church of the Redeemer, along with a cup of extra strong coffee (which is par for the course, as filtered coffee is mocked by locals, as well as everyone else not hailing rom North America).

As I had more and more shawarma sandwiches, I got more adventurous, mixing it up with a variety of sides including (but not limited to) hummus, tahini, salat aravi, lettuce, red cabbage, sliced gherkins, skhug (a Yemeni-style hot chili paste), minced red onion, thick-cut french fries (yes, they put them in the pita, and it is a beautiful thing), eggplant, corn and amba (a mango pickle paste). One of the nights I was in Jerusalem, I received a pointer from some locals that I had met at the local rock bar to try it in an Iraqi-style lafa bread, which is similar to a pita but more similar to a large burrito tortilla in both texture and size. This meant that I could get the same thing, but much, much bigger. Being an American, this was something that I would embrace and order for the rest of my time in the country. While the independently-owned places tend to be hit-or-miss, but always cheaper, the best chains I had were in West Jerusalem at a place called Moshiko (which had a really good corn salad) and what I believe was called Hishman. The latter, aside from having a great selection of condiments and two different types of meat, had a self-serve condiment bar with large plastic containers so you could stockpile the shit for carry-out. My favorite was the caramelized, grilled onions, which were so good that they brought a tear to my eye. These were so dead-on to the Maxwell Street style that I can only imagine that the chain is owned or at the very least managed by a Maxwell Street expatriate. (I would be remiss not to mention the coincidence that Maxwell Street area is still colloquially known as "Jew Town.")

No matter where I go, McDonald's always seems to have some sort of different fare, and while past international trips have exposed me to good (McCountry in Prague), bad (McKroket in Amsterdam) and just plain odd (El Maco Grande in Stockholm and Beef Latino in Zürich) things, Israel was no different. In Israel, McDonald's has kosher and non-kosher locations, though I believe only one of the locations I visited was kosher. While this means no cheeseburgers, no bacon and no McRib... ever, neither of the three of those are available at any of the McDonald's I visited.

The McRoyale seems to be the flagship sandwich here—surpassing the Big Mac and replacing the Quarter Pounder—and after ordering one I realized why. They're not fucking around here. This thing is not only thicker than the Whopper with which you're familiar (which, of course, has always been touted as bigger than anything on the McDonald's menu), but it's also got it beaten by at least an inch, in diameter. It's topped with mayonnaise, red onion, lettuce, tomato, pickle and some sort of mystery sauce that's sort of like the Big Mac sauce except slightly thinner, redder in color and with more a tomato taste. Color me impressed.

The McKebbab was probably my favorite thing on the menu. At first I was a little apprehensive about a pita-based sandwich at McDonald's, but I was pleasantly surprised. The pita used was lafa-sized and stuffed with two spiced lamb-meat patties, lettuce, tomato, red onion and an interesting mystery sauce. It had a light green color and a bitterness perhaps either achieved by some sort of herbs or paste. I would say that it tasted of stronger feta cheese, but that wouldn't be kosher. Either way, McKebbab rocked my socks and I had to come back a second time for it before I left.

I also tried the Fish Royale, which was sans cheese, but had shredded lettuce and tomato, along with a kosher tartar sauce. This wasn't bad, and the lettuce and tomato would be worth trying on a non-kosher Filet O' Fish, but it was nothing spectacular.

Also on available were potato wedges and something called "corn sticks." While the latter wasn't going to happen, the former can be subbed into a value meal in lieu of fries for an additional cost. The wedges were warm, crispy and fantastic, and very reminiscent of those found at KFC.

McDonald's Israel also recently unveiled its take on the classic salat aravi, which consists of a bowl of cucumbers, tomatoes, red onion and mint sprigs (all of the above diced) with a smattering of olive oil and lemon juice. The entire time I was eating it, there were two thoughts flying about my head: (1) this would be much better with some hot peppers, lime, cilantro and a bowl of chips, and (2) peppermint sprigs in my food is really odd.

KFC and Burger King (both of which I tried in Tel Aviv) pretty much offer the same fare you'd find in the U.S., except for a few subtleties like BK offering roasted onions on your Whopper (again, no cheese here), while KFC still has those fantastic chicken nuggets that were abandoned at American locations several years back in favor of the Colonel's Crispy Strips and popcorn chicken. I had two orders of them and was good for the night.

My next trip is to South America, where I hope McDonald's isn't trying to capitalize on cuy.

More Out of Context Awesomeness

Since I'm in desperate need of a pick-me-up from the sport that keeps spittin' in my eye, I thought it was time to once again revisit my baseball predictions from the start of the season over at Tailgate Crashers. Back in May, I humbly highlighted a few of my can't-miss calls. Let's just assume that those calls are still spot-on. I'm pretty sure they are.

There's too much talent [on the Dodgers] for them not too contend, but there are just enough talentless malcontents for them not to win.

I've done it again. Los Angeles is currently tied for first in the NL West, but sit at a game under .500. This team is 13th in the NL in runs scored and next-to-last in slugging percentage, as established no-talents like OF Juan Pierre continue to get playing time and grit-licious gamers like 3B Blake DeWitt are lauded in the press despite an inability to hit a frickin' baseball. But, hey…only 18 more months of the Andruw Jones era!

But, Jeff Francis ain't winning 17 games again, Aaron Cook still doesn't miss enough bats and Manny Corpas is an average middle reliever in closer's clothing. Sorry, Rockies…back to anonymity with you and those horrible unis.

Francis is 3-7 with a 5.67 ERA, Cook has a K/9 rate of 4.4 (and, fine, an 11-6 record) while Corpas lost his job as closer during the season's first month and is now working middle relief. In all seriousness, predicting several backwards steps for a Rockies team that played (wait for it) a mile over their heads from Labor Day 2007 to the middle of October was the easiest call of the year. Hopefully, SS Troy Tulowitzki's ridiculous self-inflicted injury will quell all the talk about his heart and show why a 23-year-old should be leading no one.

I nabbed Texas Rangers OF Josh Hamilton in the 18th round of my [fantasy] draft last week, but don't be fooled. When you have your draft, you won't be able to find 12 owners as stupid as us. Hamilton has no business going that late, but he certainly…should light it up in hitter-friendly Arlington.

.354/.402/.683…those are the home numbers for everyone's favorite feel-good story – a guy who stole millions from the Tampa Bay Rays, blew most of it on drugs, tattoos and hookers, then found God and instantly got the benefit of the doubt from fans and media.

Another 3 for 3.

Harden Than Ever to be an A's Fan

I've known m'boy Smitty – a fellow A's fan – since 9th grade and this was his take on the trade that sent A's RHPs Rich Harden and Chad Gaudin to the Cubs for RHP Sean Gallagher, OF/2B Eric Patterson, OF Matt Murton, and minor league C Josh Donaldson:

"This is one of those deals you would expect some Cubs fan to come up with on Chicago sports talk radio."

Since this deal involves some lesser-known Cubs, a minor leaguer and a team in California, some introductions are probably in order:

Rich Harden - Fragile, but electric starting pitcher who is as dominating as any arm in the league when he's "on". Career winning percentage of .655, but can't stay healthy.

Chad Gaudin - Bounced from Tampa to Toronto before landing with the A's in 2006. Forced into the starting rotation in '07, he wasn't great, but was among the leaders in ERA for most of the first half. Only six starts in '08 (3-2, 3.75 ERA) before a numbers game put him back in the pen.

Sean Gallagher - 22-year-old righty who's been on the Chicago-Iowa escalator for the past two seasons. Inconsistent command and a ceiling that scouts have placed at "#4 starter".

Eric Patterson - Corey's little brother, Eric is a 25-year-old second baseman with questions about his defense, an inability to hit left-handed pitching and, after adjusting his minor league numbers, a skill set that gives off "utility player" fumes.

Matt Murton - Some Cub fans insist all that's standing between Murton and a decent career is an opportunity to play. A lot of us said the same thing about Bobby Kielty. In 870 big league at-bats Murton's hit .294/.362/.448.

Josh Donaldson - 21-year-old catcher out of Auburn University and the Cubs' #2 pick last year. He's been described as an "on-base machine", but he's hitting .217 in single-A and considering the polished college program he came from…

After all these years, I know how the A's operate, but I just don't understand the timing of this deal. Harden is in the middle of his healthiest season in three years. No, that's not saying much as his 13 starts equal his combined 2006-07 total, but why did GM Billy Beane pull the trigger now?

It would've been a HUGE roll of the dice – especially considering reports from Harden's last two starts that indicate a troubling loss of velocity – but, why not see what Harden does in the three weeks between now and the July 31 trade deadline?

If Harden were to dominate in his next three or four starts, you've got the single biggest bargaining chip in baseball. If he continued to be the solid, but unspectacular version from the past few weeks, a Cub-like package from Chicago or another contender could still be had. Worst case scenario: Harden's arm falls off and the A's have a decision to make about his 2009 option (when the above process would most likely repeat itself).

As it is, the A's probably did cash out with Harden's value at its peak, but if they were so intent on punting 2008, what would've been the harm in putting Harden on display for a little longer? I'm not naïve enough to believe that the A's were going to win the West this year, but they were hanging in there and had the somnambulant Mariners and division-leading Angels in Oakland this week.

What's especially galling is that Gallagher is just a slightly less obese Joe Blanton and Fat Joe's value was NEVER going to be higher than it was this past offseason. Either rebuild or don't, Mr. Beane, but don't try to tell me that Joe Blanton is a pitcher you build around.

And, don't get me started on the fact that Chad Gaudin was a throw-in, either. While he'd never put together a full season as a starter, he was just starting to catch fire before he was sent to the bullpen to make room for erstwhile Diamondbacks LHPs Greg Smith and Dana Eveland.

What sucks the most for me, personally, is that I saw Harden's first big league win live vs. the Angels in Anaheim with Smitty and then, four years later, I was in the stands with That Nicka Guy when Harden and Gaudin combined to one-hit the Yankees in the Bronx.

As an A's fan, you get used to rooting for the front of the uniforms instead of the names and numbers on the back.

I can't wait to pass this cynicism onto my son.

Why Do I Still Watch The Sports Reporters?

TSR is even pre-programmed onto my DVR. I have no excuse, really. Well, maybe one: I remember watching the show in its infancy back in the late '80s. Twenty years ago, we really believed that guys who asked questions like, "How did it feel to score three touchdowns?" were the only "experts" in sports and that Rafael Santana's Dominican grit was just as important as Darryl Strawberry's ability to hit a baseball.

In 2008, the death of the newspaper industry has exposed sportswriters as an insular, insecure lot who possess a comically hubristic view of their own importance…and exposed Rafael Santana, Darin Erstad and the like as spectacularly sh*tty ballplayers.

But, yes, I still watch TSR. Truth be told, I'll delete it from the DVR without watching it as often as I do watch, but occasionally there are Sundays when the wife and boy take concurrent naps, so what am I gonna do…?

Sunday's panelists were Mike Lupica, Mitch Albom and Bob Ryan. Canadian Negro John Saunders was the moderator.

Topic #1: Venus Williams wins Wimbledon - I was up early with the boy on Saturday and caught most of this contest. I always love watching the Williams sisters play each other (though I've never been even a casual tennis fan). Notwithstanding the zillion reaction shots of their mother in the stands, I enjoyed this one, too.

Of course, the discussion veers to the predictable criticism of the sisters' work ethic, conditioning, dedication, etc. Now, those of you know me know that I'm never the one to unnecessarily drag race into the discussion, but I've always thought Venus and Serena have gotten the short end of the PR stick, simply because they've chosen not to conform to the sports' standards set more than a century ago by fans and media and observers who look nothing like the Williamses.

Neither one kowtows to the press or runs from their ethnicity a la Tiger Woods or Derek Jeter and because Serena and Venus would rather diversify their personal and professional lives with acting or fashion design, they'll never be viewed as "committed" to the sport.

Like, say, Jennifer Capriati.

The whole "Serena is fat" series of articles that came out a year or two ago after a long layoff was all the evidence one needed of the racial divide between an athlete and the a-holes who cover them.

Topic #2: Is Brett Favre coming back? - Whatever. I mean, it's not like anyone didn't see this discussion coming mere moments after Favre's retirement speech was finished. However, there was the notion that Favre might come back this year with a team that wasn't the Packers.

On July 6th.

With about two months to go until the start of the season.

Really.

Topic #3: How 'bout them Rays? - Never mind that the statheads over at Baseball Prospectus (among other places) have been predicting the rise of the Rays for the last couple of years based on their phenomenal minor league system…to the mainstream media, Tampa Bay is still a "surprise". BP tagged the team as an 88-90 win squad in the preseason, but those eggheads with their VORPy-MORPy hocus-pocus and non-belief in the pixie dust of David Eckstein, are never acknowledged in the real world of press passes, fedoras and old-timey typewriters.

Why do I still watch this show?