Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Yes, We Can No, I Didn't

Junk Mail RETURNS! Junk…Mail. You remember "Junk Mail", right? It was the ironically unoriginal name for the reader feedback section of my old Friday Music News Bootleg column. Sigh. The Friday…Music…News…Bootleg. Remember?

Anyways, this 'bout made my month:


I was killing time online last night and stumbled across your baseball broadcasters series from last summer. I really enjoyed your music stuff back in the day so I'm glad to see you're still writing! I'm looking forward to catching up on the last two years of "TBG". Not long ago I was trolling archives at 411 and came across this piece that you wrote in January 2005. Holy shit, is all I can say dude.

NICE! The piece he's referencing is from my January 7, 2005 Bootleg column and it's got everything: (1) a shot at Cicely Tyson, who was an odd long-running joke for my column's three-year run (2) a news item about Sean Combs that was literally two or three name changes ago (3) a crack about Beloved that was way dated when I wrote it four years ago (4) a Bill Cosby quip (see #3, also is it any wonder it took me eight hours to write those old columns…?)

(5) A bit of clairvoyance on my part regarding the electability of one Barack Obama.

Sometimes the News Just Wrote Itself…

= = =

Cicely Tyson Must Be Rolling Over In Her Grave…

We're a little over a week away from Martin Luther King Day and just three weeks out from the beginning of Black History Month. With that in mind, I'm proud to announce that Sean "P. Diddy" Combs has been named's "Person of the Year" for 2004.

Puff Daddy…Person of the Year.

The website credits his efforts on the Citizen Change non-partisan youth voting program that was such a raging success last fall. His work with continuing to maintain his Justin's restaurants and Sean John clothing brand were also cited as deciding factors.

Who knew that soul food and $75 T-shirts had such sway with his supporters?

And who were the other finalists for the honor? Well, there was Oprah Winfrey, who was forced to buy back her Blackness at five cents on the dollar after Beloved. Bill Cosby, who spent the year Hayhursting [TBG Note: Don't ask.] over "the look of those teenagers". Rev. Al Sharpton, who doesn't need me to write a joke for him and Barack Obama.

Y'all remember Barack…? Democratic National Convention…real stirring speech…talk of a Presidential run down the line. Let's hope that Barack saw that Eddie Murphy movie The Distinguished Gentleman. That's the one where Murphy's "Jeff Johnson" snuck his way into office because he shared his name with a white politician who died and fooled the voters by running a campaign without once showing his face.

"Shared his name with a white politician…?"

So, what's Plan B, Obama?

No comments: