TBG Eats: The NEW Guacamole Bacon Cheeseburger from Carl's Jr.

Current Weight: 165.0 lbs.

Late yesterday afternoon, Mrs. Bootleg texted me with the shocking revelation that our son wanted pizza for dinner. My wife has dutifully narrowed our family's pizza possibilities down to two places: Borelli's – a tiny little hole-in-the-wall connected to a strip mall about a mile from Stately Bootleg Manor and Round Table – a semi-famous chain with a location right across the street from Borelli's.

After agreeing to pick up her phoned-in order after work, I asked – essentially – if I should be turning left (towards Borelli's) or right (towards Round Table) once I reached the intersection. Mrs. Bootleg helpfully reminded me that the boy prefers Borelli's, but if I wanted Round Table, I could go to both places.

Both places.

As in…two stops after work.

Proximity be damned, people. The boy is four-and-a-half years old. I've seen him cram an entire slice of Sbarro's awful mall pizza into his mouth and swallow it in the same motion. I'm not making two stops for a preschooler's imaginary palette preferences. But, I will make a second stop for some food-flavored blog fodder.

The Guacamole Bacon Cheeseburger at Carl's Jr. is…well, it's those three things in its name, plus lettuce, tomato, onions, pepper jack cheese and "Santa Fe sauce". The union of these ingredients would normally be cause for a cardiac celebration, but here they were spectacularly unexceptional. The burger didn't have much of a "kick" and while the mashed avocado was plentiful, it was also plenty bland.

That it was served up gazpacho-cold didn't help, either.

On the plus side, Carl's Jr. finally got rid of their soggy, not-salted-enough fries and replaced them with those skin-on "natural cut" fries. Maybe the fries just siphoned the heat from the cheeseburger in the same bag, because these were crisp, nicely salted and steaming hot.

Thankfully, Mrs. Bootleg and the boy helped me finish my medium order. And, I didn't even have to ask or offer any to them.

Grade (Guacamole Bacon Cheeseburger): 2 (out of 5)
Grade (Carl's Jr.'s New French Fries): 4