The Fake Mexican Food Review(s)

Taco Bell has brought back their Cheesy Gordita Crunch for a limited time. Although, I swear that this menu item hasn't ever gone anywhere. I don't usually order the Gordita (as I prefer its deep-fried, crispier cousin Chalupa), but I know that I've seen it on the drive-thru board while I'm perusing for anything new.

Anyways, for argument's sake, it's "back".

Can't say it's anything special, beyond the whole "different textures" gimmick. Take a regular beef taco and fold it inside the Gordita flatbread with a three-cheese blend melted between the two "shells". You can get two of these and big-ass Coke for about $4.00. Why not heed your Uncle Aaron and go for the Grande Soft Taco, instead? It's the same general concept, except TB ladles out their nacho cheese sauce between two tortillas and then stuffs the inside with double the beef. It's one of the two best things off of their value menu.

Meanwhile, there's been a period of mourning here in Southern California as homophobic, arch-conservative kook Carl Karcher passed away last week. I'd feel bad about giving this hate-monger so much money over the years, if not for the fact that he was shoved out of his own company in the early '90s and then brought back as a human mascot.

His Carl's Jr. Franchise recently introduced something called a Huevos Rancheros Burrito, which was added to their breakfast menu. It's got refried beans, scrambled eggs, jack n' cheddar cheeses, Ranchero sauce and corn tortilla strips.

Mine was just OK. Everything was going fine until I reached the back of the burrito – where all of the beans opted to congregate. The beans were dark, dry and had an overcooked texture that implied they were scraped out of a vat that had been sitting on the stove for three weeks.

Tell 'em to hold the beans and double up on the sauce or just stick with their excellently greasy Loaded Breakfast Burrito.

Grade (Cheesy Gordita Crunch): 2 (out of 5)

Grade (Huevos Rancheros Burrito): 2