Saturday, January 13, 2007

Oakland Raiders Interview Ultimate Warrior for Coaching Job

Raiders owner Al Davis promised that he would move quickly to name a new head coach after firing ashy Black statue, Art Shell, for a second time. On Friday, the team interviewed former WWF Champion and two-time Intercontinental Champion, The Ultimate Warrior (pictured, on right, with pudgy "little Warrior").

Warrior, 62, spent last season under the alias "Rob Ryan" and served as the Raiders' defensive coordinator. Under his veiny, bicep-tassled watch, the Raiders finished 3rd in team defense in 2006. Warrior Rob already has the locker room in his corner, many of whom remember him from his face painted peak in the late '80s/early '90s.

"I remember when Warrior defended the Intercontinental belt against Sika on Saturday Night's Main Event", gushed Raiders DE Warren Sapp. "Warrior had just won it and I can still remember thinking 'who'd this n*gga beat to get a title shot'? I mean, Sika lost to everybody!
Hillbilly Jim, Sam Houston, that real dark brutha with the jheri curl and the pet bird. Like I said, he lost to everybody. He ain't deserve that match. That was some shady sh*t, right there."

Not every Oakland Raider seems ready to embrace Warrior, however.

"Actually, I was rooting for Sika in that match", quipped third-string quarterback Marques Tuiasosopo.

While the hiring of The Ultimate Warrior would be just the type of Big Splash the Raiders need to turn the incessant tide of negativity, it's unclear just who can vouch for the guy's leadership skills. A source tells TBG that Warrior listed Animal from The Legion of Doom as the only personal reference on his résumé.

"Although, in The Ultimate Warrior's defense, everyone else that he captained on his
1990 Survivor Series team is dead", the source added.

In recent years, Warrior Rob has supplemen-ted his coaching income with nonsensical public speaking appearances and sporadic guest spots on C-Span2 (The Deuce…of Democracy!). Warrior did not speak to reporters as he exited the Raiders' Alameda offices, but he did offer up one unsolicited comment:

"F*ck you. That's what happened to my face. F*ck you happened."

If hired, it remains to be seen if Warrior will continue to cut and color his hair in the same short, sassy way that he did in 1992, when he returned to the WWF at the en
d of Wrestlemania VIII.


Joe R. said...

Someone just kicked! It up! A notch!

that mexican guy said...

Scott Keith just gave this post ****1/2 stars. Nicely done.

fox said...

That last pic makes him look like a homeless guy with hair like my mom. You go, Rob!