Tuesday, April 7, 2009

TBG Eats: The "Two Chili Dogs for $3.00" Deal at Carl's Jr.

Current Weight: 170.8 lbs.

"I really think you guys hit the wife lottery... but then again, I'm biased."
- Mrs. CT, speaking of herself and Mrs. Bootleg.

And, I can't really argue.

Last night, my Oakland A's opened their 2009 season with a resounding THREE g*ddam hits in falling to the hated Angels, 3-0. But, Mrs. Bootleg more than earned her keep, by commemorating Opening Day with the first ever theme dinner since we've been together. She threw some Hebrew Nationals on the ol' propane Jane and brought home a ginormous sack of peanuts. Old Lady Bootleg even let me and Jalen watch the game on TV while we ate!

Trust me: I would TOTALLY plan a theme meal for her if I knew what any of Mrs. Bootleg's interests were.

The point is that a grilled hot dog is one of God's greatest gifts to humanity. I'm not saying we should put it up there with "His only begotten Son", but is Top 20 too presumptuous? Top 30? Still too blasphemous? Top 50?

Carl's Jr. – like every other fast food restaurant with an insincere corporate conscience – has been offering inexpensive featured menu items in attempt to appeal to those affected by the current economy. Way back in 1991, the chain commemorated 50 years by bringing back their hot dogs. The first Carl's Jr. "restaurant" was actually a hot dog stand, which started up in 1941.

I fondly remember those hot dogs from almost 20 years ago. They were gigantic, phallic and fabulous. Oh, and most importantly…they were grilled.

The cut-rate version that Carl's Jr. is selling today is microwaved. Microwaved~! I expect that method from busy college students who are pressed for time or lazy, indifferent fathers who need something fast at 8:00 PM, because they forgot to feed Jalen their kids.

The hot dog here is bland and mushy. It's topped with watery chili, yellow mustard and onions. No shredded cheese. None.

Y'know those pretentious twits who take great pride in not eating hot dogs ("Do you know what they PUT in those things?!")…these abominations-in-a-bun should be Exhibit A in their eternal, uninteresting argument.

Grade: 1 (out of 5)


Tom said...

My grandfather was a butcher. I know what they put in them and they're still delicious.

SHough610 said...

"I expect that method from busy college students who are pressed for time or lazy"

Thanks to the Foreman Grill there's no excuse for college students to not grill their hot dogs. First semester, before I was trying to lose weight, I used to grill up two Ball Park franks (I'm Jewish, this gave me the double sin-tacular), throw them in a couple of potato buns, and have them with some chips for lunch.