Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Miss USA? More Like "Miss Nude-SA"! (Sorry.)

For those of us who love our beauty queens good n' humiliated, the last eight days have been a modern-day Christmas miracle.

A few weeks back, Miss USA, Tara Connor, nearly lost her matching tiara and sash set amid accusations of underage drinking and drug use. It took a tearful, apologetic press conference for Connor to retain her title. Afterwards, she was given a choice by show organizers: 28 days in a rehab facility or a single viewing of 28 Days, the Sandra Bullock movie about a rehab facility.

Connor will be out in about a month.

Meanwhile, out in the Land of Mathan, another pageant scandal unfolds.

Reigning Miss Nevada, Katie Rees, was stripped of her title after some scrumptious scandalous photos appeared online. Our new best friends over at TMZ have the evidence in question.

And, for that link, I don't think I have to tell you that the NSFW light is on (and poppin'!)

Rees and her attorneys insist that the photos were taken when Rees was 17, at a party in Florida. Of course, as a father and husband, I'm force to react with copious amounts of false shock and awe. I mean, this is how today's teenagers act out at parties?!

In reality, here's what I'm thinking.

On December 23, Rees held a press conference and asked for a second chance:

"This incident does not reflect who I am, or who I plan to be. I have no intention of further disgracing the state of Nevada, the Miss Universe organization, or Mr. Donald Trump."

Well, that's a relief. Heaven knows Nevada should never be associated with nights full of drunk co-eds and, hours later, insolvency and regret. And, as for The Donald, how did one sh*tty reality show (and dozens of infinitely sh*ttier reality show recap columns) wash the repulsive ooze off this guy? He was the archetype of '80s excess, but has spent the last 15 years as a self-parody with a stock portfolio.

And, now he has young women begging him for a second chance.

That settles it…starting January 1, I'm getting a job and a savings account.

Meanwhile, back to Rees…my favorite quote from her press conference is below:

"Please don't let your guard down when it comes to being photographed. As you can see, just one mistake can have a great consequence."

Now, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that Rees wasn't a math major at California University, but over at TMZ, I counted nearly 20 times when the "guards weren't at their posts".

Hell, if anything, she should be embracing these photos, not running from them.

Of the three women who appear the most often, Rees is easily the hottest of the bunch. No offense to the other two, who can surely fall back on their daytime identities as The Iron Sheik's granddaughter (dark hair, turquoise top) and post-op transsexual (the really ugly, breast-enhanced blonde).