Monday, December 18, 2006

Crips n' Bloods Meet Fish n' Chips

My Friday Music News Bootleg column ran for three years. During that time, I can say that my single greatest regret was not discovering the comedic gold mine of Heather Mills McCartney sooner.

Since my column ended, Heather and Sir Paul have split up and, in the absence of a prenuptial agreement, the one-legged ex-wife stands (giggle) to reap quite the windfall. That is, if she lives long enough.

Dateline: Liverpool, England…Various British media reports are claiming that "violent criminals" from Paul McCartney's hometown have threatened Heather Mills with physical harm for Mills' claims that she was physically abused during her four-year marriage to Paul.

Who knew that Paul McCartney had a posse, too?

And, how does a criminal in England earn the adjective of "violent" when handguns are banned throughout the land? Gangs without guns? Are there really Sharks and Jets still roaming the earth? And, if so, who do we root for?

I mean The Jets tried to gang rape a young Rita Moreno. Meanwhile, the Sharks allowed their own outfit to be infiltrated by faux Puerto Rican, Natalie Wood.

So, to summarize…Jets = insidious, Sharks = idiots.

Still though…in a gang war?

Make mine minority!