Last Week
Joe:
12-4
Aaron: 11-5
Current Standings
Joe: 113-61-1
Aaron: 112-62-1
New Orleans at Atlanta
Aaron: The three games on Thanksgiving
seemingly debunked the ol' "take the home team on a short week" credo
that had been eerily accurate for most of the season. But, like other Thanksgiving events – my
wife making/baking
three pies in one night or America pretending to give a shit
about nationally televised parades, let's say – I'm calling them ALL
outliers. Pick:
Atlanta
Joe: Plenty of motivation for the
Falcons here, avenging their only loss of the season and trying to re-establish
themselves as the Super Bowl front-runner (they are). I thought for a while
last week that the Saints had the stuff to make a late run at the playoffs, but
we can't expect anyone to stop Colin Kapernick, can we? Pick:
Atlanta
Jacksonville at Buffalo
Aaron: With two weeks left in the
regular season of my big-money fantasy football league; I hold a tenuous grip
on the fourth and final playoff spot. If
I can win out, I'm in. Why am I boring
all of you with this? Because of the
inherent hilarity that my fantasy season (and upcoming Christmas shopping)
hinges on – in no small part – my NEW wide receiver combination of Cecil Shorts
and Justin Blackmon. Both from the 2-9
Jaguars. Apologies in advance to my
family. Pick: Buffalo
Joe: One of these days, fantasy football
will discover a way to give points for games lost by foolish interceptions
thrown when driving for the tying score. Dibs on the Bills when that happens.
Pick: Buffalo
Seattle at Chicago
Aaron: The only thing more amusing
than the NFL experts' retroactive appreciation for Bears QB Jay Cutler is their
retroactive derision for the Seahawks.
Wait, wait, wait…a team coached by the esteemed Pete Carroll and led by
a rookie quarterback might occasionally be inconsistent in
their performance from week to week?
But, they beat New England a few weeks ago! On TV!
Pick: Chicago
Joe: Yeah, there's a slight chance
that Chicago's opportunistic defense will feast on Russell Wilson on the road.
Pick: Chicago
San Francisco at St. Louis
Aaron: The last time these two teams
met, the game ended in a tie. I'm still
trying to decide which postgame storyline was more insulting: the "hey, we
found a few stupid players who stupidly didn't know a regular season game can
end in a tie…I mean, that's so stupid, right?" one or the "it's time
to do away with those unsightly ties and play until there's a winner (or
someone on the field dies)" one.
Pick: San Francisco
Joe: I love how Colin Kapernick is
already Tom Brady after two weeks. No pressure, though, guy! Meanwhile, St.
Louis is dangerous at home and already has shown that they can hang with the
Niners on the road. But I think San Francisco is locked in at this point. Pick:
San Francisco
New England at Miami
Aaron: Listening to this past Monday's
"BS Report" podcast, it occurs to me that ESPN.com columnist Bill
Simmons…really believes that the Patriots are the best team
in the AFC? So, you mean I have to set
aside some time in mid-January for his "I should've seen the Ravens/Texans
coming" mea culpa podcast? It just
so happens I'm free! Hee! Pick: New England
Joe: He can't help it! It's so great.
Unfortunately, I don't think the Dolphins have enough weapons to properly
exploit the weak New England defense. I guess the hope is that, one by one, key
Patriots players get waylaid in Miami, "Homer at the Bat"-style. Wes
Welker at the Ft. Lauderdale Mystery Spot! Pick: New England
Arizona at NY Jets
Aaron: Honestly surprised to see how
consistent – albeit unspectacular – Jets QB Mark Sanchez's numbers have been
during his 3 ½ seasons in the league. He
took the Jets to the AFC championship game his first two years and NOW he's
terrible?! He's the same guy he's always
been! But, if Sanchez played even an
infinitesimal role in the retirement of "Fireman Ed", then…win? Pick: NY Jets
Joe: It's always so unseemly when the
normally protective-to-the-point-of-insulting sports media picks a team and
declares it open season on them. Yes, the Jets are not a very good team and
they tend to lose in embarrassing, running-into-butts ways. But to act like Rex
Ryan and Mark Sanchez have this coming on some grand moral level ... I really
have never understood it. Pick: NY Jets
Indianapolis at Detroit
Aaron: The upstart Colts are 7-4 on
the season, but just 2-3 on the road.
The Lions, meanwhile, are playing their third straight home game after
losing the first two. The city of
Detroit hasn't bore witness to such an "irresistible force vs. immovable
object" match-up since Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant headlined Wrestlemania
III at the Pontiac Silverdome. Pick:
Detroit
Joe: I can't believe we're talking
about anything but the colossal dumbness of that "accidentally throwing
the challenge flag when the play gets automatically reviewed means the play no
longer gets reviewed" rule that felled the Lions and their admittedly
dunderheaded head coach last week. They've finally found a way to codify
passive-aggression. Pick: Indianapolis
Minnesota at Green Bay
Aaron: After their blowout loss to the
Giants last week, expect the 7-4 Packers to bounce back with the formula that's
worked so well for them this season – barely beating teams they're obviously
better than. Pick: Green
Bay
Joe: With all the talk at the
beginning of the season about how passing offense is making a dominant rushing
attack obsolete, I have to think the Packers would really appreciate an
effective running back right about now. Pick: Green Bay
Houston at Tennessee
Aaron:
I don't know what kind of numbers Texans RB Arian Foster will end up
with when his career is over, but I hope any eventual discussion over his Hall
of Fame credentials will include his inexplicable propensity for bow ties when
he's not in uniform. This is ALWAYS a
terrible look for black guys – Nations of Islam and/or Domination,
excepted. Pick:
Houston
Joe: Can I get a ruling on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar on The
Critic? Anyway, Houston's near-miss against Jacksonville a few weeks
ago has me nervous that they could still be due for that dreaded
"trap" game, but maybe they're on guard against it now. Pick:
Houston
Carolina at Kansas City
[I don't know why, but I feel like I should
mention that Joe and I completed our respective write-ups before the awful news
from Kansas City broke yesterday. --Aaron]
Aaron: For the second week in a row,
the Panthers are playing in the worst game of the week. Given the level of pressure and competition,
it looks like we'll all be treated to "competent" Cam Newton. Again!
Then, he gets to play San Diego and Oakland in back-to-back weeks later
this month. The Panthers could
finish 6-10. Again! Pick: Carolina
Joe: It's funny that all this is
happening while Cam is on one of the least history-laden teams in one of the
most media-unfriendly markets in the league. Imagine the horror show if he was
in Dallas or New York? [shudder] Pick: Carolina
Tampa Bay at Denver
Aaron: With the rest of the AFC West
in their rearview mirror, a decadent array of cupcakes on their remaining
schedule AND a short turnaround from this game to their next (in Oakland on
Thursday night); this has all the makings of a preseason-level effort from the
Broncos. Pick: Tampa
Bay
Joe: Can I take a moment to yell at
everybody who saw Doug Martin coming and didn't tell me about it? This is
maddening. Meanwhile, this could be a really fun, offensive-minded game to
watch. Thank God the local Fox affiliate is airing "UFC's Road to the
Octagon" in its place. (Yeah, yeah, blackout rules.) Pick:
Denver
Cleveland at Oakland
Aaron: Great to see the new
patient leadership in Oakland is SO committed to their
long-term rebuilding plan that they're planning to give callow back-up QB
Terrelle Pryor some snaps this week – all in response to the large faction of moronic
Raiders fans who insist Carson Palmer is the problem. This should go well. Pick: Cleveland
Joe: Tough to imagine the Browns
following up their big home win against the Steelers with anything but a
back-to-Earth loss in Oakland. Which would be nice as somehow my fantasy season
is riding on Raiders TE Brandon Myers. Pick: Oakland
Cincinnati at San Diego
Aaron: We've all enjoyed the Chargers
recent team-wide banana peel slide. But,
save for an early loss to Atlanta, they've been competitive – for the most part
– in their defeats. The Bengals have won
three in a row – against the Raiders, Chiefs and the midseason version of the
Giants. I'm not sure
either of these two teams is all that good. Pick: San Diego
Joe: I agree that the Chargers can't
just keep losing, but this Bengals team is dangerous. Not great, but dangerous.
Pick: Cincinnati
Pittsburgh at Baltimore
Aaron: Give the NFL credit...they're hell-bent
on getting this matchup over as the league's new biggest
rivalry. Maybe when they meet next year,
the Steelers won't be led by a back-up quarterback who's one or two decades
past his prime. Pick:
Baltimore
Joe: Do these two teams just play each
other every week now? Doesn't it seem that way? Also remarkable: how the
Steelers have managed to eke out a winning record without having ONE player
you'd be happy to have on your fantasy team. Pick: Baltimore
Philadelphia at Dallas
Aaron: Much-maligned Cowboys QB Tony
Romo has had a surprisingly solid year.
Just so I'm clear, the plan is to forget that and unfairly blame
everything on him -- as usual -- when the Cowboys fail to make the playoffs, right? Just checking. Pick: Dallas
Joe: A full-on tank by the Eagles, all
the way down to the top draft pick, is probably exactly what they need. Cleanse
it with fire. Pick: Dallas
NY Giants at Washington
Aaron: This seems like the perfect
time to pick the Redskins. They lost in
the last minutes to the Giants earlier this season and Eli Manning has been
nowhere to be seen for most of November.
But, the Redskins still rank next-to-last in pass
defense and don't the Giants get hot around this time every year (that they go
on to win the Super Bowl)? Pick:
NY Giants
Joe: Very important caveat there, Cam.
All this knowing talk about how the Giants operate makes it sound like they're
in the Super Bowl every year. They haven't won playoff games in consecutive
years in the entire Coughlin era. Pointless numerology neutralized pointless
numerology! Pick: Washington
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