The Only Fall TV Preview You'll Need to Read - Wednesday

Shows I'm Already Watching: If we don't count Lost, which isn't returning until early next year, there's nothing on the current Wednesday TV schedule that I watch. Everyone tells me that CSI: New York is only a jillion times better than Law & Order, but I'm still happy with the disposable cop show I've chosen. Maybe I'll plow through CSI on DVD, someday.

As for Deal or No Deal, game shows stopped having any meaning to me after Joker's Wild and Tic Tac Dough left the air. Thank God, GSN still shows classic Press Your Luck ("nowhammiesnowhammiesnowhammies…STOP!") Awesome.

I could be persuaded to start watching Joely Fisher's comely cleavage on Til Death, though. Anyone know if that show is a complete rip-off of the "Al & Peggy Bundy" dynamic from Married…With Children or just a 95% rip-off?

The One New Show That Will be TiVo-ed (for at least one week): I was originally going to play it safe and go with Back to You, Kelsey Grammer's return to TV as an obnoxious newscaster. Then, I realized that the premiere aired last night and I'd missed it. Sure, there'll likely be an "encore presentation", but in case I miss that, I'll go with Pushing Daisies.

The concept sounds kewl…a guy can bring the dead back with one touch, then send them back to being one with the Autobot Matrix with a second touch. ("He's got The Touch…he's got the pow-WER!") Lee Pace plays the man with the magic fingers, while Chi McBride, late of The Nine, is the private investigator who benefits from his new partner's powers.

If this show plays it as a straight-up weekly murder mystery, it'll crash and burn. If they really want to win me over, they'll pepper the storylines with questions about the consequences of giving/taking life (Is it "murder" if you kill someone who was dead yesterday?) and perhaps some honest, all-angles perspective on heaven, hell and the afterlife. I'm not holding my breath.

The One New Show I Ain't EVER Watching: Can we all agree that reality shows are nothing but pathetic attempts at self-promotion? Sure…no real news there. And, can we all agree that all child actors (save for the spectacular Dakota Fanning) add nothing to any entertainment vehicle they're associated with? Ergo…Kid Nation can kiss my Black ass.

I'm not yet convinced that Bionic Woman is going to be worth my time. That whole "with great powers comes great responsibility" claptrap has been done to death and this has the makings of one of those maudlin dramas with cornball dialogue like, "I just want my life back!" Pfft.

Finally, it's rare when a written review actually turns me off, but the not-words "OMG" and "frenemy" are used within a few paragraphs of each other in Entertainment Weekly's review of the CW's Gossip Girl. No lie…I'd rather watch the Wayans Bros. in White Chicks.

White Chicks!