Monday, September 7, 2009
AiAA: Pizza Hut – JACKPOT~!
I haven't eaten at Pizza Hut in close to 15 years.
For those of you who would NEVAH eat "chain pizza", the previous sentence doesn't mean much. But, if you'd told me in 1995 – when I was living alone, getting by on $8.00/hour and subsisting off of whatever nonfat frozen yogurt I could smuggle from Heidi's Frozen Yogurt Shoppe in Long Beach (where I managed eight or nine well-to-do high school kids who'd never before known a Black guy) – that me and Pizza Hut would go our separate ways, I wouldn't have believed you.
Growing up, they were the first pizza brand that my family was loyal to – which is to say Pizza Hut must've printed tons of coupons because my mother didn't buy anything unless she had a coupon for it. In the early 1990s, my friends and I discovered Pizza Hut's all-you-can-eat lunch buffets, systematically bankrupting one franchisee after another.
A few years later, one of my friends began delivering for Pizza Hut. I lived two blocks away, so he'd bring over unwanted "mistake" pies (pepperoni, pineapple and jalapeño!) or just, uhh…"smuggle" out orders, pick up a six-pack and kick it with me at my place while he was supposed to be working.
In 1995, Pizza Hut introduced Stuffed Crust Pizza nationally. Cheese and pepperoni baked into the crust?! This kind of crazy-talk needed a pitchman who was universally loved and could relate to the working class need for inexpensive, low-quality meals:
Anyways, my friend got fired from his delivery gig after a month or so. Here in 2009, I am pretty much burned out on ALL pizza – good and bad, mom n' pop or chain. This will happen to all of you when you have kids and they eat it at every meal.
In the past week, pizza and I have gone from simply "not dating" to outright hatred. Have you seen Pizza Hut's "JACKPOT" spot featuring SNL alum Jim Breuer?
Who carts around an entire pizza box to a basketball game? And, flaunts it between two anorexic TV extras, no less?
Who above the age of eight gathers their friends over for "pizza night"? And, what kind of DJ (wait, a girl DJ?!) would spin music with one hand and a slice in the other?
Who gets THIS excited over pizza? I mean, really…no one on the set thought of telling Jimbo to take it down a notch or four? No one?
Full disclosure: I've spent almost 30 minutes re-watching the commercial and pausing it right in the middle of each "JACKPOT" line. This kills me for some reason. He looks so silly. Try it!