So, Kid Bootleg's been around for three years. In that time, you could count the number of "dates" that me and Mrs. Bootleg have been on with one hand. (Preemptive posting of guaranteed unfunny first comment: "And with your OTHER hand...") Anyways, the wife thinks it's time we spent more evenings out, which means we need a babysitter.
Mrs. Bootleg posted an online ad and, much to my surprise, the responses rolled in. For your review is an email from a prospective sitter:
My name is David, I am 16 years old, and I LOVE to babysit. You might think that I am a little bit too young, but I give you my word that I am very responsible, friendly, and reliable. I am CPR and First Aid certified, I have babysit for many families in the past and I have lots of contacts you can reach as references upon request. Your child’s safety will be the most important to me and I will never ever let your child out of my sight. I can babysit up to 3 kids at any age. I babysit only nights and weekends, and usually can do last-minute calls. I live in San Diego and most likely would be able to provide my own transportation if nearby. Please give me an opportunity to babysit your kids and I promise you that you will not be disappointed. I do this mainly because I LOVE kids and also because I want to show my parents how responsible I am and so I am open to babysit at any reasonable rate you prefer.
When I was 16, I collected baseball cards, wore Reebok Pumps and didn't date. It's taken nearly two decades, but at last I can abdicate the crown along with the accompanying "Kingdom of Losers" sash.
Long Live King David!