Thursday, November 8, 2012

2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #10

Last Week 

Joe: 10-4
Aaron: 9-5 
Current Standings 

Joe: 83-48
Aaron: 77-54
Indianapolis at Jacksonville 

Aaron: Here's hoping that the NFL Network's otherwise reputable and entertaining pregame anchor Rich Eisen isn't tasked with reading some contrived line about how declaring the winner of this game will be easier than declaring the state's electoral college winner.  Or, at least give the line to co-host Deion Sanders -- if only for the sheer joy of watching him silently mouth "e-LECK-tor-al" to himself as they fade to breaks and STILL mispronouncing it as "electrical" in the end.  Pick: Indianapolis 

Joe: Try as I might, I can't find ANY trace of cynicism in myself for this Chuck Pagano stuff. He's great and inspiring and Andrew Luck seems like a really good guy and I will probably be rooting for them for the rest of the season. I worry about this being a trap game, though: division foe, on the road, short week, dreams of playoffs dancing in their heads. Jacksonville has exactly nobody on their team right now, but they still hang close with everybody. And picking counter-intuitively has worked for me on Thursdays. Pick: Jacksonville

NY Giants at Cincinnati

Aaron: The recent stretch of mediocrity by Giants QB Eli Manning was going to catch up to the team sooner or later, as last week's loss to Pittsburgh shows.  It feels like it's arriving a little late this season, but here's your annual -- and unnecessary -- collective panic attack, Giants fans.  Pick: Cincinnati 

Joe: I certainly wouldn't like heading to Cincinnati coming off of that disappointing loss, but that's just the Giants tricking everybody into thinking they're not that good before springing the trap. They do that. It's exhausting. Pick: NY Giants

Tennessee at Miami

Aaron: This Dolphins team isn't terrible?  And, two weeks from today, they could be 6-4 with the Titans and Bills as their next two opponents.  Then comes Seattle...New England...San Francisco.  Well, then.  On the plus side, you guys still have the CUTEST helmets in the NFL!  Pick: Miami 

Joe: As we saw last week, though, scrappy team defense is sometimes felled by an offense without a whole lot of weapons. Still, this is a good matchup for Miami. Pick: Miami

Detroit at Minnesota

Aaron: The Lions have won three of their last four and even QB Matt Stafford -- who asphyxiated my fantasy football season -- has shown signs of not being the unproductive, dinged-up jerkface that he was in September and October.  Sorry.  I'm not letting that jowly ass back into my heart.  Pick: Minnesota 

Joe: Same. Also, is everybody talking about Adrian Peterson's improbably comeback season when I'm not around or what? Because nobody should stop talking about it. Pick: Minnesota

Buffalo at New England

Aaron: Well...on the plus side, in about 10 days, Joe will be back home in Buffalo and surrounded by family and friends as he enjoys a sumptuous Thanksgiving dinner.  He's already hard at work on the holiday centerpiece -- a tribute to the trailblazing women who made our country great, including Georgia O'Keefe, Susan B. Anthony, and Marjory Stoneman Douglas (who worked to preserve the Everglades).  Pick: New England 

Joe: Beat up on the Bills as much as you want, New England. Doesn't make you any less flawed a contender in the AFC. Pick: New England

Atlanta at New Orleans

 Aaron: We've reached the point of the season in which I foolishly assume THIS will be the week the last undefeated team will lose.  After a few weeks of this, I'll pick 'em to win and THEN they'll lose.  It's an autumn tradition!  Pick: New Orleans 

Joe: I actually think the Saints ending the winning streak at home is just the kind of effed up thing to actually happen, but I'll ride the hot hand here. Pick: Atlanta

San Diego at Tampa Bay

Aaron: Fun facts!  The Chargers have four wins this season -- including two against the 1-7 Chiefs.  The combined record of the opponents they've defeated: 7-18.  Yes, they beat my Raiders, but THAT JUST PROVES MY POINT.  Pick: Tampa Bay 

Joe: Somehow, the psychodrama of watching you react to a terrible Chargers season is more harrowing than watching you go through a winning Chargers season. Pick: Tampa Bay

Denver at Carolina

Aaron: The narrative will surely focus on the composed leadership of Peyton Manning vs. the poor posture and terrible table manners of Cam Newton.  So, I'm rooting for Newton to go all-in on the heel turn and whack Manning with a steel chair immediately after the postgame handshake.  Pick: Denver 

Joe: If Newton's going to turn heel on anyone, it might be his supporting cast of bumblers and good-for-nothings on that Carolina offense. Pick: Denver

Oakland at Baltimore

 Aaron: Why, hello, inevitable injury to Raiders running back and the team's best player Darren McFadden!  What on earth kept you?  Pick: Baltimore 

Joe: The sorry state of my fantasy season can probably be summed up by the fact that my dismay last Sunday came not at McFadden's injury, but from the subsequent injury to his backup Mike Goodson. Sigh. Pick: Baltimore

NY Jets at Seattle

Aaron: 20 years ago, soon-to-be-sh*tcanned Jets head coach Rex Ryan would've had his choice of "tween" TV shows to fall back on.  This was the era that gave us former Raiders DT Bob Golic as a dorm advisor on Saved by the Bell: The College Years and Hall of Famer Dick Butkus as a basketball coach on Hang Time.  Today, Ryan will be lucky to land the 12th or 13th seat on one of ESPN's omnipresent pregame shows.  Pick: Seattle 

Joe: How dare you shun the proud legacy of My Two Dads? HOW DARE YOU? You gotta figure the Seattle defense is drooling at the things they're going to do to Mark Sanchez. (Speaking of drooling at the things one would want to do to Mark Sanchez, [REDACTED]!) Pick: Seattle

Dallas at Philadelphia

Aaron: Do the Eagles still do that thing where they don white jerseys at home versus Dallas JUST so the Cowboys are forced to wear their rarely-seen dark jerseys?  Don't the Redskins do this, too?  I mean...take that, Dallas?  Pick: Philadelphia 

Joe: I'm way less confident in my pick for the winner of this game than I am in my pick that the losing team will get 90% of the post-game attention for the entire NFL. "What does this mean for the future of Andy Reid/Jason Garrett/Tony Romo/Michael Vick/Dez Bryant/Terrell Owens/Jerry Jones/Rocky Balboa/Sal Paolantonio/Ron Jaworski???" Pick: Dallas

St. Louis at San Francisco

Aaron: After defeating Green Bay in the season's first week, the "Super Bowl" noise following the 49ers has settled down somewhat.  They're still 6-2, but they're obliterating bad teams and are led by a limited quarterback.  Keep this in mind come playoff time, degenerate gamblers. Pick: San Francisco 

Joe: I can't believe Halloween came and went and no one dressed up as the re-animated Frank Gore. Who knows how long this productive streak from him can last, but as long as those bolts in his neck hold up, he'll keep on moving. Pick: San Francisco

Houston at Chicago

Aaron: The Bears are 7-1 yet field the 29th-ranked passing offense in the league with a middle-of-the-pack passing defense.  I suppose their run defense is the great equalizer, but it's not like they've faced Texans All-Pro RB Arian Foster yet.  Conversely, an outdoor game in what's expected to be inclement conditions could be the equalizer for that, so now we're right back to where we started. Can someone loan me a coin?  Pick: Houston 

Joe: Riding the Bears until they lose and this free me from having to so such unpleasant things as ride the Bears. Pick: Chicago

Kansas City at Pittsburgh

 Aaron: So far, the biggest story from this game is whether Steelers offensive coordinator -- and erstwhile Chiefs head coach -- Todd Haley would be inclined to have Pittsburgh run up the score against his former team.  Random midseason NFL fever!  Pick: Pittsburgh 

Joe: Not that Roethlisberger v. Cassel is SO uninspiring a matchup, but I'll be watching this and longing for the days when these teams were mirror images of each other, from their awkward middling QBs (Steve DeBerg! Neil O'Donnell!) to their punishing RBs (Bettis! Okoye!) to their equally punishing defenses and cacophonous fans. But, you know, Matt Cassel seems like a nice enough guy. Pick: Pittsburgh 

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