Monday, February 7, 2011

How Well Do You Know Jalen?

February 7th is/was my son's seventh birthday. I thought I'd commemorate the occasion on this lightly-read blog by dusting off my "quiz" crutch infrequent feature.

The concept worked well when I asked
How Well Do You Remember My Wedding? and How Well Do You Know Mrs. Bootleg? The obvious problem with a Jalen quiz -- one that I inexplicably didn't realize until I was two hours and just a few questions into writing it -- is that all of you know Jalen.

And, I cannot articulate how awesome that is.

That's also why I couldn't get this post up on the day of Jalen's actual birthday. I originally intended for 20 questions. But, when I couldn't come up with enough moments/anecdotes that I'd never shared with TBG readers; I dropped the bar to 15 questions...then, 12 questions...and finally settled on 10 questions just before midnight.


(1) Jalen's middle name is:

(a) Henderson -- after his dad's all-time favorite Oakland A's player, Rickey Henderson.
(b) Stewart -- after his dad's all-time favorite Oakland A's pitcher, Dave Stewart.
(c) Hayes -- after his dad's all-time favorite Oakland Raiders defensive player, Lester Hayes.
(d) Marcus -- after his dad's all-time favorite Oakland Los Angeles Raiders offensive player, Marcus Allen.
(e) Wait...where's "none of the above"? Does Mrs. Bootleg know about this?

(2) How much did Jalen weigh when he was born?

(a) Three pounds, one ounce.
(b) Five pounds, two ounces.
(c) Seven pounds, three ounces.
(d) Nine pounds, four ounces.
(e) Eleven...oh, come on. His mom is 4'8".

(3) Which of these events DIDN'T happen on the day Mrs. Bootleg came home from the hospital?

(a) Mrs. Bootleg went outdoors for the first time in two weeks.
(b) Mrs. Bootleg openly wept when someone inadvertently cut in front of her while in line at the pharmacy.
(c) Mrs. Bootleg sobbed uncontrollably at her Valentine's Day card "from Jalen".
(d) Aaron was bitten in the hand by a small mouse that the family cat brought into the house.

(4) Which one of these harmless accidents happened on daddy's vigilant watch?

(a) Three-month-old Jalen was riding my shoulders when the top of his head clipped the top of the open garage door.
(b) Six-month-old Jalen rolled off the couch and through a glass panel on our coffee table while I was changing his diaper.
(c) Five-year-old Jalen split his forehead on the open front door during a spontaneous game of "living room dodge ball"...with me.
(d) All of the above.

(5) Mrs. Bootleg religiously watches all of the following TV shows. Which one does she regularly watch with an excited Jalen?

(a) Grey's Anatomy
(b) Desperate Housewives
(c) Mystery Diagnosis
(d) The Real Housewives of Atlanta
(e) Any music video featuring Drake

(6) For years, I was able to elicit uncontrollable laughter from Jalen -- and the stink-eye from my wife -- by singing some of the hook from which one of these children's songs?

My Name Is -- Eminem
Ms. New Booty -- Bubba Sparxxx feat. The Ying-Yang Twins
Shake It Fast -- Mystikal
Drop It Like It's Hot -- Snoop Dogg feat. Pharrell
Make 'Em Say Uhh -- Master P

(7) Which live-action comic book movie gave Jalen his first legitimate "wake up at 1:00 AM" nightmare?

(a) Spider-Man 3
(b) Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
(c) The Dark Knight
(d) Batman Begins

(8) Recently, while watching the 1989 comedy Major League (on edited, commercial television...I swear!), Jalen asked me which one of the following questions?

(a) "Why are [the Cleveland Indians] wearing throwback uniforms?"
(b) "Is that his mom?" (In the final scene where Tom Berenger and Rene Russo embrace on field.)
(c) "How come [the Cleveland Indians] have so many brown players?"
(d) "Who do you think is going to win the game?" (

(9) Until recently, how did Jalen regularly refer to his favorite salty snack -- Doritos?

(a) "Burritos"
(b) "Triangle Chips"
(c) "Nacho Cheez-Its"
(d) "Taco Crackers"

(10) Last year, Jalen was the only African-American in his kindergarten class. What role did he perform in their Martin Luther King, Jr. play?

(a) Martin Luther King
(b) Malcolm X
(c) Jesse Jackson
(d) The director of the play

Happy birthday, Jalen! If you're reading this, it's time for the "they grow up SO fast" photo inserts.

Answers: 1(a); 2(a); 3(c); 4(d); 5(c); 6(b); 7(b); 8(b); 9(c); 10(d)


Lew B said...

Wow, your kid was at my school for 2.5 (or was it 3?) years and I didn't know any of those things (except the one about you constantly beating him up).

As far as the MLK play, I knew nothing about that. 'Cause I'd have had him play the staring role. I mean, look at how over a 30 year period Saturday Night Live has had Garrett Morris, Tim Meadows, Eddie Murphy,Chris Rock, et al. play the darker skinned charaters. There's no shame in that. It's just a good way of using the resources you have available.

Christina Vieyra said...

Love your quizzes- I'm gonna have to do one for Ethan's birthday coming up. And the mouse story must be told as soon as possible. Please.

Christina Vieyra said...

p.s. now I have that booty song in my head. thank you.

that mexican guy said...

You KILLED it on this, Cam.

Mad at myself for missing 5 and 6. In hindsight: why would I think Jalen would get excited over Real Housewives... (but why would he get excited over Mystery Diagnosis?!?) And thanks for bringing Bubba Sparxxx back into our lives.

Then I got to #8 and didn't care which ones I missed. Unbelievably well played, Jalen.

Other Joe said...

Happy Belated Birthday to Jalen!

And you changed his diaper ON the couch? Hope it was scotch-guarded!

nicka said...

I got a 70.

The Major league one was like an SAT question..ANY of the choices could have been right.

NY Jon said...

I only got five right? I'm not proud.

I *do* know that you've written about the "mouse incident" before though. Time for a reprint for Christina and any readers who think you've still got one or two cool points lying around.

(BTW, didn't you once write about how you played Santa Claus in an elementary school play? Just saying.)


Aaron C. said...

@Christina -- I'm going to guess "Dodgers" for, like, half of the questions on any Ethan quiz. Also, I'll throw up the mouse story this week. I think enough time has passed ;)

@Mex -- Best part about "Mystery Diagnosis" is the 24-48 hour period after it ends, when Jalen and his mom convince themselves that they have whatever freak disease the people on the show were carrying. "Oooh, my feet are so swollen. Do you think I have...?"

@O. Joe -- True story: Mrs. Bootleg got rid of the coffee table not long after. (As if the table was to blame...)

@Nicka -- "It's Jay Day (and Everybody's Celebratin')" was brilliant, BTW.

@Jon -- Good point on the Santa thing. Although, my performance was in rural North Carolina, so I set the bar pretty high for cross-racial roles.

Joe Reid said...

Four out of ten. Shameful. Not as shameful as Bubba Sparxx, but still (though dig that latent feminism on MS. New Booty...).