Thursday, September 16, 2010

How Well Do You Know Mrs. Bootleg?

(1) Several years ago, Mrs. Bootleg absolutely RUINED a group outing to Six Flags Magic Mountain when she:

(a) Spent the entire day incessantly complaining about the crowds and long lines.
(b) Needed 90 minutes – and parking lot security – to find our car after the park closed.
(c) Loudly and dramatically refused to ride "Tidal Wave" citing every chapter and verse from the book of "Black Women Don't Get Their Hair Wet".
(d) Felt sick on the drive to Magic Mountain, threw up a few minutes after entering the park and spent the next 6-7 hours doubled over with a vicious stomach bug.

(2) Which interaction occurred between Mrs. Bootleg and a member of my beloved Oakland A's during our first trip to Spring Training in 2001?

(a) Second base prospect
Jose Ortiz casually walked over and started flirting with her.
(b) Infielder
Frank Menechino obscenely gestured towards hecklers who correctly noted he was shorter than Mrs. Bootleg.
(c) She sheepishly apologized to reigning MVP
Jason Giambi after I might've knocked down a few children to get his autograph.
(d) Outfielder
Terrence Long mistook her for a member of his extended family.

(3) Mrs. Bootleg was born and raised in Utah. Utah! Which three states actually have a larger African-American population?

(a) Alaska
(b) New Hampshire
(c) Iowa
(d) Rhode Island

(4) When Mrs. Girlfriend Bootleg's friend Jen got engaged, how did she react to the news?

(a) At 10:00 AM, she called me at work to share the exciting announcement.
(b) At 10:30 AM, she called me at work to ask "Where is OUR relationship going?"
(c) At 11:00 AM, she called me at work and chewed me out for 15 minutes.
(d) Later that day, at a tailgate party and
Padres baseball game – that lasted from noon until 10:00 PM – she didn't say one word to me.
(e) All of the above.

(5) No lie. No exaggeration. I just counted. I'm being 100% serious here. How many bottles of hair care products does Mrs. Bootleg have in the shower at this very moment?

(a) 16
(b) 18
(c) 20
(d) 22

(6) Which of these stereotypical male responsibilities has Mrs. Bootleg NOT YET taken the lead role on in our house?

(a) Grilling and barbecuing.
(b) Assembling shelves, tables, etc.
(c) Completing minor/moderate household repairs.
(d) Managing all household finances.

(7) The week before Mrs. Bootleg gave birth to our son, she was admitted to the hospital with preeclampsia – a very serious condition marked by extremely high blood pressure. One of the symptoms was tremendous swelling in her face. At her worst, which celebrity did she resemble most?

The athlete.
The movie star.
The rapper.
The comic book character.

(8) Where would Mrs. Bootleg rank (either on the weekends or during family vacations) amongst this list of most pronounced animal sleeping habits?

(a) Koala (up to 22 hours/day).
(b) Brown bat (up to 20 hours/day).
(c) Pangolin (up to 18 hours/day).

(9) Mrs. Bootleg is a phenomenal cook. In all the years I've known her, I've only had to issue one "dining room veto" and ask that she never, ever again darken my dinner plate with which of these entrées? (All of which she's made at least once.)

(a) Her 10-pound lasagna that's inexplicably 99% pasta.
(b) Her giant batches of deep, deep-fried French fries fresh from her 15-year-old Fry-Daddy™.
(c) Her Cornish game hens, which strike a delicate balance between super-dry white meat and super-greasy dark meat.
(d) Her angel-hair pasta with garlic shrimp. A tasty-enough meal, but quite possibly the most unsatisfying, least-filling food ever invented.

(10) Which of these songs is NOT on Mrs. Bootleg's iPod?

What We Do – Freeway featuring Jay-Z and Beanie Sigel
Remember the Time – Michael Jackson
Copacabana – Barry Manilow
You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine – Lou Rawls
Wanted Dead or Alive – Bon Jovi

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Bootleg, from all of us me here at TBG!

Answers: 1(d); 2(a); 3(a)(c)(d); 4(e); 5(d)…seriously!; 6(c)…that's what handymen are for; 7(b); 8(between (b) and (c)); 9(c); 10(b)

Previous Quiz: How Well Do You Remember My Wedding?


CrazyCanuck said...

Happy Birthday, Mrs. B. Congratulations on surviving another year with your husband around.

Hope you have a good day that includes that book club/theatre date that was mentioned one time (no names included).

SHough610 said...

Congrats Mrs. B (and after this quiz we know the homicide was justified :-P) on another year AND making me want to find out the deal Aaron struck with Satan so I can make the same.

Tom said...

Both b's on #10 or just one of them?


Aaron C. said...

Dammit. I *knew* I was going to do something like that.

I knew it, I knew it.


that mexican guy said...

For all the shit we give you in the comments, you've been KILLING it lately. I'm picturing you shouting into the women's restroom at Magic Mountain:

"You're ruining EVERYTHING! Why did I even bring you! Now, I'll NEVER get to ride Riddler's Revenge!!!"

Happy birthday, Aaron's wife! Just know that my wife would leave me for Andre Ethier of the Dodgers if he ever chatted her up at a game.

Elena said...

Happy birthday, Mrs. Bootleg, and many even happier returns! Mine's today, so I'll be sure to raise a glass to you while I'm lifting one for myself.

Other Joe said...

Happy Birthday Mrs. Bootleg - I find it awesome that not only does Cam call you that on the blog, but he got you a cake with it too.

And Happy Birthday to Elena also

new hamsphire nicka said...

I got 7 out if 10, including the black geography question.

This comment was Aaron's favorite feedback from a reader to anything he's ever written.

"Does your wife know she married a bitch?"

Aaron C. said...

@Nicka -- How have I not referenced that quote, like, a million times? One of my all-time fave pieces of hate mail.

@Other Joe -- My favorite moments are when I refer to her as "Mrs. Bootleg" in front of co-workers who aren't aware of my secret lightly-read identity. ("Oh, it's just an inside joke.") I feel like Bruce Wayne/Batman, sometimes.

@Mex -- I'm...pretty sure that happened.

@Canuck -- I've done two plays in my life with her: Phantom of the Opera and Les Miserables. I'm done. Unless, it's "Disney on Ice".

Aaron C. said...

And, Happy Birthday, Elena!

I assume all the time you spent across the international date line has either reversed the aging process or tremendously accelerated it.'re either Brad Pitt as "Benjamin Button" or Robin Williams as "Jack".

(Of course, this assumes one would cross the international date line to get from America to Australia - and back again. I mean, I could've looked it up, but...well, here we are.)

Happy Birthday!

LaKisha said...

Thanks to all for the birthday wishes! It's been a great birthday despite TBG tryin' to bring me down.

Happy Birthday, Elena! I hope your day was as special as mine.

Mrs. Bootleg

Elena said...

Aw, thanks! And yes, the crossing and re-crossing has had an effect, but it's not quite as straightforward as you'd think: I have retained my baby face, but with the addition of crows' feet like the effing Grand Canyon around my eyes. Though maybe that's more to do with that pesky ozone hole. Hard to say.

Aaron C. said...

"TBG trying to bring me down" means that Mrs. Bootleg accidently found my notes for this post, including all the quiz questions I couldn't flesh out, like:

"Things that Mrs. Bootleg asks me when she calls me at work in the middle of the day": (Included, "What'cha doin'?" and "Oh. I forgot why I called....")

CrazyCanuck said...

Elena, belated Happy Birthday. We'll say it was definitely the ozone.

Aaron, I can't blame you. Phantom & Les Miz would do anyone in. But Disney? Oh, come on.

If you're still willing to go to the theatre, but want something a little more, um, manly, then there are options. Try Of Mice & Men, or One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Screw the film versions (though Mice was good). You will have much better chances of being satiated (and you can gain "I went to the theatre with you, honey" points in the process).