Tuesday, November 10, 2009

How Well Do You Remember My Wedding?

(1) Ten days BEFORE the wedding, Aaron infinitesimally increased his future wife's stress level when he:

(a) Harmlessly lost his soon-to-be wedding band for 24 or maybe 48 hours.
(b) Nonchalantly drove right into a pole while on his way to work.
(c) Innocently no-showed the final, mandatory "spiritual counseling" session for engaged couples.
(d) Respectfully invited an ex-girlfriend to the wedding.

(2) Two days BEFORE the wedding, who did Aaron meet for the very first time?

(a) Mrs. Bootleg's father.
(b) Mrs. Bootleg's mother.
(c) Mrs. Bootleg's little brother.
(d) All of the above.

(3) After driving 800 miles from Utah to San Diego, where did Aaron's future father-in-law want to go more than any place else after arriving at Stately Bootleg Manor?

(a) San Diego Zoo
(b) Historic Balboa Park
(c) Downtown San Diego
(d) Popeye's Chicken

(4) How was the weather in San Diego on the day before and the day of our wedding?

(a) Sunny and 78 degrees.
(b) Sunny and 75 degrees.
(c) Sunny and 70 degrees.
(d) Monsoon.

(5) Who got the better end of the "wedding party" gifts?

(a) The Bridesmaids (bracelets from Tiffany's).
(b) The Groomsmen (engraved baseball bats).

(6) What happens when you hold an evening wedding on a rainy night in a hard-to-find location down winding and poorly lit roads?

(a) The photographers will be running "a little late", but they'll be there "in 10 minutes" (told to you 20 minutes ago).
(b) Slick-soled, rented groomsmen shoes will provide all kinds of comedy when used to show elderly Black aunts to their seats across a wet floor.
(c) Half of your invited guests will blow off the ceremony entirely in favor of an early start to the much easier-to-find open bar at the wedding reception.
(d) Several ethnic women passionately discussing the economics of the hair-care industry in relation to the inclement weather and its impact on the care of their hair.

(7) If you're REALLY going to rent a limousine, should the distance between the site of the ceremony and the site of the reception be more or less than the 1.6 miles between our locales?

(a) More.
(b) More.

(8) The first time I heard this Nate Dogg song, I turned to the then-future Mrs. Bootleg and said THIS is the song I want to introduce us at our wedding reception. And, it did. What was it?

Nobody Does It Better, featuring Warren G.
Never Leave Me Alone, featuring Snoop Dogg
Where I Wanna Be, featuring Shade Sheist & Kurupt
Dirty H*** Draws

(9) Which of the following did NOT occur during the best man's speech?

(a) Champagne spilled from his too-full glass as his unsteady, inebriated hands shook from nervousness. And, inebriation.
(b) He stopped his speech for a solid 10 seconds after uttering the words, "Y'know, there's an old saying…" before actually remember the "old saying".
(c) He inexplicably referenced The Fabulous Freebirds (Don't ask…just, don't.)
(d) He "inadvertently" palmed most of Mrs. Bootleg's breast while struggling through the always challenging "hugs the bride after the speech is over" part.

(10) Which of the following did NOT occur during the remainder of the best man's evening?

(a) He kissed the groom with his scratchy, never-could-quite-grow-in goatee.
(b) He stuffed a dollar bill down the pants of a married woman in attendance…who was innocently dancing on a chair at the time.
(c) He "inadvertently" palmed most of Mrs. Bootleg's breast while struggling to pin a dollar on Mrs. Bootleg's breast during the "money dance".
(d) "Just water for me, thanks!"

(11) Every table at our wedding was named after a baseball player. At the end of the night, which of the following items did our ten guests at the "Deion Sanders" table NOT steal from the "Deion Sanders" table?

(a) Ten blue cloth napkins which, early in the evening, ended up doo-ragged around their heads.
(b) The not-exactly inexpensive "Deion Sanders" table placard.
(c) Wait, Deion Sanders played baseball? When?
(d) …for what team?

(12) Which ONE of these life events actually outranks my wedding day?

(a) Oakland A's win the 1989 World Championship.
(b) Back-to-back "writer of the year" recognition for my work on the old Friday Music News Bootleg column.
(c) The birth of this lightly-read blog.
(d) Jalen Cameron: T-Ball A's.

Answers: 1(b); 2(d); 3(d); 4(d); 5(b); 6(c); 7(a) or (b); 8 (a); 9(d); 10(d); 11 (Yes, he DID play baseball, jerk. And, both (a) and (b) were stolen.); 12(!)


SHough610 said...

I think I might have mentioned in here a buddy of mine got married in July. Props to his (now) wife who let him have the freedom to go to Vegas for four days of debauchery for his bachelor party.

I got lit up at the rehearsal dinner and at the wedding one of our buddies was so drunk he hit on the groom's aunt. I love weddings.

JPinAZ said...

So tell us about "Those Fabulous Freebirds", Cam!

Anonymous said...

i gave a best man speech. i was so nervous... it went well until i finished and realized i forgot the entire part about the bride. i didn't even acknowledge her...

CrazyCanuck said...

I laughed so hard, I had tears in my eyes. And on a day when I definitely needed it.

Thanks Cam!

that mexican guy said...

This...was...awesome. I gotta work with you so I don't praise this blog much for fear of you forcing me to repeat it to your face.

The "driving into a pole" thing was probably the LEAST believeable choice in that first question, Cam. I demand an explanation.

Also, my brother-in-law is getting married next spring. I would like to hire your best man to equally ruin his wedding.

That Bootleg Guy said...

Honestly, Mex, the "pole" story is as boring as it sounds. We were living in Mira Mesa, I pulled out of the same parking lot I'd been driving out of for years to that point...then, bam. 1998 Saturn meets one of the columns of our condo complex.

Bonus quiz: which object lost that battle? (Hint: it was the one made of American tinfoil that cost a cool $2,000 to repair.)