Monday, November 30, 2009

More Jalen Speak

Actual conversations with my five-year-old son…

Last week, Jalen – while 99% asleep – came downstairs around 11:00 PM. I took him back upstairs, with a detour to the bathroom.

Me: "Are you finished?"

Jalen: [Unintelligible somnambulant mumbling.]

Me: "OK, let's get your pajama bottoms pulled up."

Jalen: [More mumbling.]

Me: "J, I can't understand you."

Jalen: [More mumbling, but with an obviously annoyed tint.]

Me: "J, what's the problem?"

Jalen: "I said, 'my underwear is pinching my penis!'"

Stopping off for a post-haircut ice cream…

Jalen: "Are you going to leave me in the car when you get the ice cream?"

Me: "What?! No, I'm not going to leave you in the car."

Jalen: "Mommy does."

Me: "WHAT?!"

(In the next beat, Jalen explained. Now, I COULD print his response – which fully exonerates Mrs. Bootleg – or I could cut it off right where I did. Decisions, decisions.)

Showing Jalen my 2nd grade class photo…

Me: "That's me when I was seven-years-old."

Jalen: "Wow. You used to be brown skinned, but now you're really light skinned."

Me: [Head explodes].

1 comment:

SHough610 said...

When I was Jalen's age I supposedly dangled my boxers off of one foot and dropped them into the toilet during a somnambulic whiz