Actual conversations with my five-year-old son.
After dinner this past Friday night…
Jalen: "Mommy, can I have a cookie?"
Mrs. Bootleg: "No, you had ice cream after lunch."
Jalen: "But, that was AFTERNOON dessert, I want NIGHTTIME dessert!"
During Saturday night's A's/Angels broadcast, a brief in-game feature aired on the 1970s A's teams – who were often dubbed "The Mustache Gang"…
Jalen: "Do any of these  Oakland A's have mustaches?"
Aaron: "Uh, I think Rajai Davis has one."
Jalen: "No, he doesn't."
Aaron: "Yeah, he does. It's just really small."
Jalen: "Oh. And, it's hard to see because he has brown skin, right?"
Playing baseball in the house on Sunday morning (before Old Lady Bootleg wakes up, comes downstairs and makes us stop)…
Aaron: "Jalen, what are you doing?"
Jalen [With the bat between his legs and just under his, ummm…] "Look, I have a penis bat!"
Aaron: [Head explodes.]