Sunday, June 7, 2009

More Jalen Speak

Actual conversations with my five-year-old son, Jalen…

Watching A's/Orioles Saturday night on MASN, when that Smirnoff Ice "water slide" commercial pops up…

Jalen: "She's pointing her bra!"

Me: "She sure is!"

Jalen "[Gasps] And, HE'S showing his privacy!"

Watching A's/Orioles Sunday afternoon…

Jalen: [Calling me from our downstairs bathroom] "Daddy, I need you."

Me: J, whaddaya need?

Jalen: "Come see how big my penis is!"

Me: "…"

Preparing to toss Jalen in the shower…

Jalen: "Daddy, I know what 'teasing' is?"

Me: "What is it, J?"

Jalen: "It's like in that movie where the one guy beat the other guy and he was teasing him."

Me: "What movie…?"

Jalen: "The one with the racing! The yellow guy teased the other yellow guy."

Me: "What the hell are…oh, wait. You mean that Simpsons episode with Bart and
the soap box racer?"

Jalen: "Yeah!"

While watching the end of Sunday's Lakers/Magic game…

Jalen: "Dad, why are all the players Black?"

Me: "Uhhh…"

Mrs. Bootleg: "Jalen, there are some white players, too."

Jalen: "Those are the coaches."

Me: [Head explodes.]


thatwhitenickacoach said...

...and fans

Mark Smo in CT said...

One of those comments I will never have to hear if I ever have a son....and the other acceptable answers for the other white people on a basketball court besides the coach is either foreigners or former Duke players.

That Bootleg Guy said...

Mrs. Bootleg kept trying to frantically point out Pau Gasol to Jalen. As if Gasol was "proof" that the white man was allowed to play in the NBA.

I imagine our grandparents doing the same during that whole Jackie Robinson thing in 1947.

daedalus said...

this. this made made laugh.