Does casual profanity count?
From Sunday morning, May 30
Jalen: [Interrupting his own one-man imaginary adventure, bringing random action figure over to me] "He said a bad word."
Me: [Absent-mindedly sipping coffee, not even looking up from my magazine] "What'd he say?"
Jalen: "He said, 'damn it'."
Note: I'm still not sure if I should've reprimanded him or commended the boy for bringing this to my attention.
He's objectifying women at an 8th grade level!
From Sunday afternoon, May 30
Me: [Taking a tinkle in our downstairs bathroom.]
Jalen: [In living room – watching the Giants/Cardinals baseball game on the Comcast Bay Area feed.] "Those girls pointed their bras at the TV!"
Me: [Finishes bathroom business – more or less – races through kitchen and dining room in 0.6 seconds.] "What? Where?"
Jalen: "On TV!"
The boy is watching a local Bay Area spot for this scantily-clad contest…that was actually held two weeks ago.
Mrs. Bootleg: "AARON!"
Jalen: "Let's watch it again!"
Where Black-on-Black Violence Begins…
An actual conversation with my five-year-old son, yesterday morning…
Jalen: "What're you looking at?"
Aaron (typing on laptop computer) "Oh, that's someone (Jemile Weeks) the A's drafted last year. It's not a very good picture, though."
Jalen: (with his face an inch from the screen) "What color is his skin?"
Aaron: "Uh, well, it's brown like yours and mine."
Jalen: "NO! Not like yours! Yours is LIGHT brown and his is dark brown like me and mommy's."
Mammy, the Sequel
An actual conversation with my five-year-old-son during breakfast, about a week ago…
Aaron: "Ready for your pancakes?"
Aaron: "These just need another minute on the griddle, can you get the syrup?"
Jalen: (staring intently at the bottle of syrup) "This looks like mommy!"
Heaven Ain't Hard 2 Find
An actual conversation with my five-year-old son and another gentleman during our last haircut…
Jalen: "That's my daddy [sitting in the barber's chair, getting hair cut]."
Gentleman: "Oh, I see him. And, how old are you?"
Jalen: "I'm five. How old are you?"
Gentleman: "I'm 63-years-old."
Jalen: "Wow. You're almost going to heaven!"
Aaron: [Head explodes.]