Saturday, February 28, 2009

One More Thing Aaron Won't Eat

It never fails.

I hastily throw up a post that I wrote during my lunch hour and I inadvertently omit something. Por ejemplo, that "things I won't eat" post was originally going to be just three items. Then, five. Then, I got stuck on eight. And, then I couldn't come up with an even ten.

This morning, I'm making my online newspaper rounds and came across this item from the Los Angeles Times regarding the mayor of Los Alamitos resigning. It reminded me that I absolutely HATE watermelon. In my mind, watermelon is right up there with Red Sox fans Mets fans Blue Jays fans Los Angeles Lakers fans and reality television.

Watermelon has no substantive texture or flavor. It's the only thing messier than that rack of ribs at every summer barbecue. Oh yeah, it's racist, too.

At times like these, when our nation remains divided despite the progress we've made, I'm reminded of the need for a unifying voice:

"Honeydew is the MONEY melon."

Indeed it is, Krusty. Indeed, it is.


Mark said...

Hey, I'm a Red Sox fan and I love reality TV.

And I love watermelon.

I'm just about the worst person ever.

That Bootleg Guy said...

Of course you know, I was only referring to those Red Sox fans that came out of the woodwork in late October 2004, but point taken, Mark.

Tell you what, I'll change it to Mets fans. Everyone hates Mets fans.

SHough610 said...

I'm a Phillies fan (but the Red Sox are my AL team since my parents fell in love watching the Red Sox and got married in Boston and went to two games of the '75 series; but my brother, who's my sports idol, was born in Philadelphia. I root for the Eagles, Phillies, Flyers, Red Sox, and Celtics, no bandwagon for me, most of those teams were bad when I started rooting, but I digress) and I HATE the Mets and their fans. Though Red Sox bandwagon fans are obnoxious (that, coupled with going to school in Philadelphia caused the Phillies to become my number one team in '05). Fortunately if you're a Red Sox die hard you have questions to ask to prove bandwagon status: Who is Hendu and why is he awesome? Why is Roger Clemens such a douche? Why does "and the horse he rode in on" have such special meaning when talking about Wade Boggs?

Watermelon IS terrible. It's always a disappointment, it's treated as a dessert and it's never sweet enough, you end up with goop all over your hands, and it's divided the country along race lines. It IS however good when put in a blender and mixed with tequila.

That Bootleg Guy said...

Oh, dear. Tell you what, readers: since I actually like most of the Yankees fans I know, I'll change it to "Blue Jays fans". Can we all agree to hate Canada, while simultaneously LOVING those Lay's Ketchup flavored chips they produce?

Besides, I'm pretty sure Jeff H., my favorite Blue Jays fans, won't be reading this. I hope.

Also, while Hendu was indeed awesome, he achieved another level of awesometivity when my A's gave him the everyday CF job beginning in 1988. To think he was run out of Boston by "Ellis Burks' potential".

The Real Hendu said...

All Red Sox fans are matter how far they go back.

And to think NESN can combine all 3 of these things with that terrible "blind date" style show that takes place during an actual Sox game..all they need to do is serve watermelon during it and Aaron's space time continuum would explode.

CrazyCanuck said...

You do have another Northern reader, so don't go hating on Canada. We're worth more than that. Though Toronto is admittedly an overly obnoxious town, no doubt.

And I don't get the love for ketchup chips. There's gotta be some better things you can find up here. Maybe on your September trip (if Mrs. Bootleg wins the Vancouver/Seattle argument).

That Bootleg Guy said...

Dude, I *loved* Canada. OK, so I only saw Vancouver, but I'm just going to assume that Vancouver and B.C. are representative of your entire country. I mean, it was 52 degrees in mid-September!

And, I will not have you speak ill of the ketchup chips. Not in my presence, mister.

CrazyCanuck said...

I don't know if Vancouver could represent the whole country, that wouldn't be fair to Vancouver. It IS a beautiful city. Though 52 degrees (that's what, 13 or 14 celsius) can be found in many areas of the country at that time. Best month to visit, IMO.

And we'll agree to disagree on the ketchup chips. Though for something different, you should try the Old Dutch Au Gratin while you're up here. Cheese flavoured chips that taste better than they sound.

SHough610 said...

No, we can all hate Mets fans. They're insufferable, absolutely insufferable.