Tuesday, February 17, 2009

TBG Eats: Burger Shots from Burger King

Current Weight: 168.0 lbs.

We don't have White Castle out here in California, so the whole "slider" concept is pretty much lost on me.

The West Coast version of "4:00 AM food" is hole-in-the-wall Mexican, not a sack of ten teeny burgers that couldn't possibly fill anyone up. Seriously, wouldn't one enormous bacon double cheeseburger be a better post-pub crawl call than "Burger McNuggets"? Gotta be an East Coast thing – along with foldable pizza, food from street vendors and the inexplicable geographic pride you locals take in foldable pizza and food from street vendors.

Thankfully, the good people at Burger King have no shame and willfully spit in the eye of New Yorkers and Chicagoans with the introduction of "Burger Shots".

Sold in two-packs (Tupac!) and six-packs (like beer…or this guy!), BK's Burger Shots are topped with a spittle of mustard n' ketchup and then a single slice of pickle. A sliver…a sliver of cheese is extra.

Every other Burger Shots review says the same thing: if you've had one BK burger, you're not eating anything innovative here. True, but I would add:

(1) Mustard on a hamburger is just…wrong, somehow. I didn't always feel this way and I'm not sure when my light-skinned azz became ironically averse to the color yellow, but there ya go. If I'd known, I'd have had 'em hold it.

(2) I've eaten the frozen and deep fried (frozen) version of White Castles and while I freely concede that they ain't the originals, I'm pretty sure it's the finely diced onions that elicit most of the cholesterol-laden love. Too much to ask, BK? Probably…but, since I'm not really a pickle guy, either…

(3) Not to belabor the point, but a Whopper Jr. is $1.00 (without cheese). A Makaveli of Burger Shots sin queso is $1.39. The Whopper Jr. with a side of Dollar Menu onion rings (and ring sauce) is arguably the best fast food bang-for-your buck deal in America today. On certain days, I might be convinced to endorse the inexpensive awesome that is Taco Bell's Beef & Potato Burrito and a side of Triple Layer Nachos, but the point is…wait, I forgot. Oh, yeah, the point is there are better dollar-stretching options than Burger Shots.

Not awful.

Not incredible.

Not something I'd order again.

Grade: 2 (out of 5)


Tom said...

The Double Cheeseburger (or sad McDouble replacement) and 4-piece chicken nugget two-shot is my go to Dollar Menu order.

If you have frozen sliders, make sure you make them correctly: Cut up half an onion and put that and a bit of water in the well of a broiling pan. Place frozen sliders on top of said broiling pan. Cover sliders with foil. Bake in over for about 20 minutes so they get fully saturated with onion steam. That comes really close to duplicating the fresh off the grease flavor.

that mexican guy said...

Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheesburger, Biggie Fries, Cam.

I win.

That Bootleg Guy said...

Bah. I'd call Wendy's "overrated" if anyone but you actually ate there.

NY Jon said...

Tom echoed my own frozen White Castle approach (which I guess isn't *my own*, after all).

Loved the line about "geographic" boasting, too. I'd argue that native Texans are WAY more douchey about their BBQ, with the silver and bronze going to those a-holes from Philly with their cheesesteak loyalties and the uninteresting buffalo wing debate held daily in western NY and sports bars across America.

Joe Reid said...

"Uninteresting" because it's not worth discussing because it's such a no-brainer? I totally agree.

That Bootleg Guy said...

I'd hope to offer up a preemptive Joe strike after your post, Jon, but...

I work with two guys from Buffalo who never, ever miss an opportunity to tell me what an abomination any wing that's "buffaloed" outside of Buffalo is. Keep enjoying our temperate sunshine, guys.

I'd also throw in the "bagel aficiandos". We get customers from the east coast who seemingly can't wait to say things like, "These aren't bagels, they're dinner rolls!"

Is it any wonder their side lost the bi-coastal rap war?

Joe Reid said...

Hey, we don't pretend to do fish tacos or deep-fried orca or whatever it is you call food (oddly, reading this blog has only given me an appreciation for San Diego's finest drive-thru cuisine) better than you guys. If the rest of the country would just admit their massive failing in the wing department, we could all go back to bitching about Scott Noorwood.

acctg.sean said...

I thought as long as you dipped in blue cheese and never EVER ranch, then that was 90% of the buffalo wing battle? Isnt Frank's red hot the other 10%?

And does the "geographic food snob" thing apply when my parents biggest beef about coming out to Cali from Virginia is the lack of Cracker Barrels?

nicka said...

wow...gotta agree with the 2 double cheeseburgers is the call. current weight = 220.

I laughed my ass off at the uninteresting debate about buffalo wings comment. Well said...my fried chickenfood is better than yours!

By the way, in New England we have...uh, chowder! YEAH! Take that America!

Seriously though New Haven Pizza is better than NY...no discussion allowed.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to just say it. Hooters has some good-ass wings. There, I said it. Central Florida had to clean up Buffalo's mess.

Tom said...

Our wine is better, too. Yeah, I went there.

That Bootleg Guy said...

Not sure what I enjoyed more, the content of the anonymous post or the fact that one of my eight regular readers actually was too ashamed to post under his regular psuedonym.

take these broken wings said...

Hooters wings? That's like saying Pizza Hut makes the best pizza!

I'll just say it...I go to Hooters to see abused girls with no self esteem enjoy their last few months /years before making the leap to "the show" which I hope I don't have to explain.

You see the Hooters girls only have physical bruises and scars from their steroidal latently gay boyfriends beating the shit out of them...girls who've graduated to the show display the more subtle mental / self abuse from drug and alcohol abuse, self loating ,etc. which is infinitely more entertaining to point out.

Can't wait for trivia night!

that mexican guy said...

That "Hooters thesis" fucking KILLED me.

(Though, I'm not ashamed to admit that an order of their 3 mile island wings - drums only - is a cross between delicious and dran-o. Mostly delicious.)