Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Worst Fast Food I've Ever Reviewed
Friends…I've willingly taken years off my life in an attempt to single-handedly (mouthedly?) try as many new fast food menu items as possible. They are then reviewed, so that you can decide whether or not these 1,000-calorie saturated fat bombs are worth the eventual cost of your colon.
Burger King recently introduced their "Homestyle Melt" line of burgers and breakfast sandwiches. On Sunday morning, still nursing an uneasy stomach after an anniversary evening full o' rockin' cocktails from Saturday night, I hit the BK drive-thru for some grease to soak up that errant whiskey.
My sandwich came with sausage (but, you can also order bacon or ham) and egg – hold the cheese. It was served between two pieces of sourdough with a smear of honey on one of the slices of bread. Oh, Burger King…drop your pants and fetch my belt.
I'd never actually had dry sausage before biting into this chalky monstrosity. Really…isn't sausage nothing but pig fat? Isn't that why it tastes so damn good? This was more like one of those convenience store heat lamp burgers. Awful.
And, I'm pretty sure that the bread was supposed to be toasted. It's a "melt" for God's sake! My sourdough had a weird circle of light toasting right in the center of both slices, yet somehow managed the heretofore unheard of act of being both soggy AND stale.
My meal's only saving grace were the hash brown "rounds" that BK serves. In hindsight, I should've just went with a few sacks of those, as they're infinitely better than the hash brown patty/panty liner served at McDonald's.
Sadly, my small order of "rounds" wasn't enough to save my Sunday…which, you ruined Burger King.