A Tee-Ball Photo Diary

One of the mothers from my son's tee-ball league put together this package from the last game of the season. Be on the lookout for me and my electric blue Nike Jordan shorts.

Mrs. Bootleg has ten times as many pictures (from each game) and in better quality. I've gotta get her to do one of these. And, I've got a better call for the background music, too.

GenderAnalyzer

Artificial Intelligence has determined that my blog is 86% likely to have been written by a man.

Hey, it's right!

AI then determined that Daniels' site was 83% likely to be written by a man.

Finally, my partner-in-write, Joe Reid…? 71% man.

TBG's 2008 NFL Pickin' - Week #12

Cincinnati at Pittsburgh
Aaron: The media's awkward, passive-aggressive acknowledgement of NFL gambling in the immediate aftermath of last week's Steelers game has been a kick to watch. Me thinks the spread won't be in doubt in the 4th quarter here. Pick: Pittsburgh


Joe: Hey! Total points is totally the 11th tiebreaker criteria! It could come into play! Now that Cincy's gotten their 1.5 wins for the season, it's Pittsburgh's time to shine. Pick: Pittsburgh

The Negro Elite Recommends…

Who says racial epithets can't be comedy? Surely, you came across this early morning article on Al-Qaida's second-in-command dropping the "House Negro" bomb on President-Elect Obama. I mean, I know I shouldn't be laughing, but come on. For me, this ranks right up there with "jigaboo" as one of the top two ineffective 19th century insults that the late Dave Chappelle could've turned into a helluva skit.

Question for the Day: Regarding the above, whose side is Sean Hannity on? Discuss.

Over at FiveThirtyEight.com, there's an insanely entertaining interview with someone called John Ziegler. He's a former talk show host who's working on an anti-Obama, anti-media documentary. Oddly enough, one of the only things I remember from the myriad of marketing classes I took in college is the fundamental requirements of market research (surveys, polling, population, etc.) That an idiot like me was able to shoot holes in this kook's premise is pretty damn telling.

Finally, I gotta say that I'm alternately encouraged and disappointed by the aftermath of Proposition 8's defeat here in California. On the one hand, the door isn't yet closed. On the other hand, it sure would've been nice for the "No on 8" campaign to be this mobilized three months ago.

I hit up the "No on 8" website several weeks back, in search of swag, propaganda and other like products. Everything was either sold out or on back order. So, in the daily face of "Yes on 8" bumper stickers, yard signs and t-shirts, I made a monetary donation to the cause and went on my merry way.

Earlier this week – 14 days after the election – I received an email notifying me of all the exciting new merchandise NOW available at the "No on 8" website. Of course, the cause will continue to have the support of me and my family but, seriously…pencils down, dudes.

TBG Eats: Taco Bell's Fully Loaded Nachos

Current Weight: 166.2 lbs.

1,390 calories.

83 grams of fat.

17 grams of saturated fat.

2,190 milligrams of sodium.


Believe it or not, at this very moment, I weigh less than I did in seventh grade. At the apex of my adolescent appetite, I carried 175 lbs. and rocked a 38-inch waistline. Oddly enough, I was an incredibly active – albeit morbidly obese – child. It's just that all the baseball, football and basketball on earth couldn't cancel out my typical McDonald's meal of a Quarter Pounder with Cheese, supersized fries, six-piece Chicken McNuggets and a strawberry shake.

In the eighth grade, I grew into my girth – dropping down to a 34-inch waist – but, never lost my love for occasional excess. Not counting holiday-related binges, the rest of my youthful food recollections involve one of my best friends, Smitty – who eventually was a starter on the offensive line at both the high school and collegiate levels. At a friend's house one evening, we split two large Little Caesars pizzas (he ate one, I ate the other) and a sack of Crazy Bread. Not a bite left between us. Good times.

Nearly 20 years later, the bottomless pit known as my belly has eased into semi-retirement. Gone are the days when I could order "whatever's the hottest" hot wings and not immediately regret it. Something as innocuous as milk on my morning cereal turns my butt into a dirty bomb for the next 12 hours.

And, it was with willful and abject ignorance that I ordered Taco Bell's new Fully Loaded Nachos last night.

Today, in a casual swing by Taco Bell's website to ensure I wasn't omitting any of the ingredients, I clicked on "nutritional information". Really…I'm not sure what I thought the calories and fat data would read, but I'm pretty sure I didn't expect the social security number above.

OK, so there IS two times the ground beef as Taco Bell's previously largest member of la familia del nachos. Guacamole…sour cream (there was at least ½ a cup on mine)…creamy fiesta sauce. Hmmm, two "cream"-titled ingredients and we're barely halfway through the pieces to this gluttonous puzzle? Not a good sign.

The whole thang is topped with a three-cheese blend, TB's ubiquitous nacho cheese sauce and jalapenos which, inexplicably, cost extra. This mixture is heaped over several fistfuls of chips, then dumped inside the crispy crater of one of those taco salad shells, which is lined with a layer of refried beans.

Yes, Aaron ate it all. Not a bite left between, uh, me. Good times?

Well, if you like TB's Nachos Bell Grande, you'll like this engorged version. The lighter texture of the taco salad bowl/shell makes for a delicious finish after 10 minutes of piggery. The plentiful toppings don't quite guarantee an absence of empty chips as the commercial suggests, but I doubt you'll be sending yours back asking for more of anything.

Still, I was a little disappointed at how ordinary the Fully Loaded Nachos were. They weren't the game-changing taste of the Bacon Club Chalupa or the perfect reinvention of an existing menu item like the Volcano Taco. The Fully Loaded version is the exact same Taco Bell taste, but with a side order of shame.

83 grams of fat?!

Ugh.

Grade: 4 (out of 5)

TBG Eats: Rubio's Langostino Lobster Burrito

Current Weight: 165.8 lbs.

Fifteen years ago, I started working for a frozen yogurt/ice cream shop near the beach in the Belmont Shore section of the LBC. I was there for three years and the experience killed my taste for frozen dairy products. These days, I order the "kid's-sized" scoop for myself on the rare occasions that I eat ice cream, while my son Jalen can put away five times that amount in a single sitting.

Sadly, my son had a similar effect on my once-insatiable love for pizza. When I was his age, pizza was a very rare treat and in our house it came from a box – just add water to the dough mix, open the canned sauce and sparsely sprinkle the imitation mozzarella. "It's not delivery…it's welfare!"

As my family's disposable income increased over the years, pizza remained an infrequent meal (my dad's from Georgia and not a fan of "ethnic" foods one can't chicken-fry), but at least we started ordering from disreputable delivery brands like everyone else. When I got my own income, pizza became a staple of gluttony for me that would remain unchanged.

Then, my son showed up. I've noted before that he's a ridiculously picky eater and pizza just happens to be on the short list of things he'll eat without argument. As such, pizza is in our house at least once or twice a week. Been that way for over a year now.

And, I'm f*****g sick of pizza.

So, when we axed Jalen what he wanted for dinner to celebrate the end of his first tee ball season, guess what he picked? He and Mrs. Bootleg ordered in for themselves, while I drove a mile up the road for Rubio's Langostino Lobster Burrito. And, yes, I realize that wasn't nearly as far as the distance of filler in this food review.

There's an interesting little story involving this burrito and a class-action lawsuit from a few years ago. With that in mind, allow me to be the first to describe this burrito as "litigious AND delicious"!

First things first: $7.99 – while in line with the chain's usual "specialty" food pricing – is a wee bit steep for a burrito with a length and weight so much less than a newborn baby. But, Rubio's crams as much goodness as they can fit into a still-kinda-big grilled tortilla.

This ain't high-end lobster meat, but there's plenty of it – nicely seasoned and not overcooked. The rice and beans are used in moderation, while the guacamole and "creamy chipotle picante sauce" were slathered around in all the right places. Rubio's serves it with a scoop of their frustratingly low-salted chips.

Pound-for-pound, the Langostino Burrito probably isn't the best bang-for-your-buck option, but it's a delicious ersatz seafood experience from the franchise that turned ersatz seafood into a regional phenomenon.

Grade: 4 (out of 5)

2008 Final A'ssessment – Catcher n' Designated Hitter

Kurt Suzuki – C

.279 BA .346 OBP .370 SLG

The Good News: After the A's 50th game of the season, Suzuki's OPS bottomed out at .601. From there until the end of the season, he hit .298/.368/.404 – numbers that would've been better if Suzuki hadn't ran out of gas in September. As with most recent A's catchers, Suzuki caught a ton of games (141) and frequently showed off his solid arm, plate blocking and agility behind the plate. Not nearly the clutch hitter he's made out to be, but he did seem to get his share of timely hits.

The Bad News: Despite having a capable back-up in Rob Bowen on the roster, the A's opted to run the 24-year-old Suzuki day after day. There were two separate nearly two-week stretches when Suzuki caught every inning of every game. I love my A's, but this is f***** lunacy and he paid for it at the plate down the stretch. Suzuki continues to be Major League Baseball's answer to Vlade Divac, as he flops to the ground at pitches that aren't anywhere close to hitting him, each time rising with a look of shock and awe in his eyes.

2009 Outlook: Suzuki is close, kids. He won't ever be Jason Varitek or Jorge Posada at their respective peaks, but he's good enough to set up shop a couple of notches below Joe Mauer and Dionner Navarro. Suzuki may be super-two arbitration eligible after next season, but I'm betting ownership locks him up long-term before then.

Frank Thomas – DH

.263 BA .364 OBP .387 SLG (with Oakland only)

The Good News: Earlier this year, some broad famously quipped "Hope is not a strategy". Well, the signing of Thomas in late April, combined with a surprisingly strong start for the A's had some of us suckered into thinking the team would be scuttling the rebuilding project for a 2008 run. It took a handful of games for Thomas to get his groove back and from April 28 through May 27 he hit an astounding .346/.429/.577.

The Bad News: Thomas shredded his quad while sliding (picture an elephant falling over after suffering a stroke) into home plate. He missed two months and his absence arguably charted the team's direction as sellers at the All Star Break. Big Hurt returned on August 1 – hit .211/.312/.263(!) for the month – then mercifully went down for the season with the same injury on August 29.

2009 Outlook: No one amongst the apologist A's media who covered the team would come out and say it, but Thomas was pretty obviously in it for himself last season. Between his leg injury and an aging bat, Thomas spent '08 cheating a little early on every swing and looking like an overmatched rookie when he guessed wrong. The quad injury should've kept him out the rest of the year, but when the A's opted to just play out the string after the ASB, Thomas' self-described "30% tear" in his quad suddenly had healed enough for him to play every day – for next year's contract. Worth a 2009 Spring Training invitation, but it won't be with Oakland.