Sunday, December 16, 2012

2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #15

Last Week 

Aaron: 9-7
Joe: 7-9 

Current Standings 

Joe: 132-74-1
Aaron: 129-77-1

Cincinnati at Philadelphia 

Aaron: Has anyone lazily equated the inevitable end of Eagles head coach Andy Reid's tenure with the team's colors yet?  Those "Green Mile" headlines would write themselves.  Last week, the Eagles showed some life against Tampa Bay and their porous pass defense.  Riding the home underdog on Thursday nights has been a gambling staple this season, but I can't see beating TWO teams fighting for playoff spots in back-to-back weeks.  Pick: Cincinnati 

Joe: For the first time in the 15 seasons we've been making these picks, one of us blew a deadline. And it was me. If I end up losing this season by a half a game, I'm gonna be pissed. 

Aaron:  Nah, I won't count it...unless we finished tied. And, only because I LOVE the idea of Andy Reid being analogous to the House of Representatives.

NY Giants at Atlanta 

Aaron: Both teams are playing like they will make the playoffs before being eliminated in their first January game.  While the Falcons have the NFC South won, the Giants appear content to drunkenly stumble down the win one/lose one alley for the rest of the season.  Pick: Atlanta 

Joe: We've seen this happen countless times, right? The embarrassing playoff defeat is "avenged" in the much-lower-stakes regular season rematch? Pick: Atlanta

Minnesota at St. Louis 

Aaron: I squeaked into the playoffs of my big-money fantasy football league.  My opponent this week will field all-world Texans RB Arian Foster and all-world Vikings RB Adrian Peterson.  You see, back in August, no one thought that a human being could recover from a torn ACL in less than eight months – much less play the most violent major sport in America (half the time on artificial turf) for 16 weeks.  So, Peterson was passed over in the early rounds of our fantasy draft until he landed in my opponent's lap.  And, so concludes my own eulogy.  Pick: Minnesota 

Joe: Two teams playing above what people assume their level to be at the moment. Two pop-psychology strategies -- go with the team with the best player on the field; so with the home team in a toss-up game -- are in opposition to each other. Which leads me to strategy #3: pick against Cam to make things interesting. Pick: St. Louis

Jacksonville at Miami 

Aaron: With nearly 20 years of history to consider, I think it's safe to say that the NFL's Floridian trifecta of Jaguars, Dolphins and Buccaneers will never produce the collectively entertaining football that Florida State, the University of Miami and the University of Florida generated for any one year during the late 1980s/early 1990s.  No disrespect, Mark Brunell.  Pick: Miami 

Joe: Ah, but what about the trifecta of fictional Floridian sports teams: Any Given Sunday's Miami Sharks, Coach's Orlando Breakers, and the XFL's Miami Maniax. ...What's that? Oh no they weren't, that's ridiculous. Pick: Miami

Green Bay at Chicago 

Aaron: Rivalry week! Overly reverent attention paid to former Bears coach Mike Ditka on the ESPN Sunday Gameday set!  A rare "-bo" tweet from President Obama showing solidarity with Chicago!  People sitting outside in frigid conditions pretending that they're REAL fans!  Smash-mouth! And, so forth!  Pick: Chicago 

Joe: Whatever, I totally get into the Packers-Bears rivalry, I will fully admit it. The Bears are in a swoon, while we're in Week 15 of Green Bay Return to Dominance Watch. Maybe we don't get THERE this week, but maybe another ugly win is in order. Pick: Green Bay

Washington at Cleveland 

Aaron: Last week, I joked that the Redskins would win as long as QB Robert Griffin III remained upright.  He didn't…and they still won.  The Browns are building a little "this team might not be bad" momentum based entirely on a few recent wins against really bad teams.  That'll do, Cleveland.  Pick: Washington 

Joe: Man, I REALLY want to pick Cleveland to halt this recent Griff-mentum. But when one team has this much to play for and the other really doesn't, it's tough to go against that tide. Guess I'm taking the team with the actual racist name over the team whose name just sounds racist. Pick: Washington

Denver at Baltimore
Aaron: Two weeks ago, I picked the Buccaneers to upset the Broncos.  Last week, Joe picked the Raiders – 10-point underdogs – to upend Denver.  So…I guess it's my turn?  Pick: Baltimore 

Joe: NEVER AGAIN. Pick: Denver

Indianapolis at Houston 

Aaron: This could be the next big NFL rivalry that the networks fast-track into a pair of prime time spots.  Not soon enough for everyone who is long sick of those Pittsburgh v. Baltimore 14-13 slogs.  Speaking of next season, that's when Colts QB Andrew Luck will be more likely to beat a very good team on the road in December.  Pick: Houston 

Joe: Took the observation right out of my mouth, re: Luck. This would be a good time for Houston to come up large and wrest back some of the confidence they lost in last week's unfortunate loss to the Patriots. Not that they'll get any credit for it. Pick: Houston 

Tampa Bay at New Orleans 

Aaron: Even by the kneejerk standards of the 24/7 news cycle in professional sports, the epitaph of Saints QB Drew Brees – penned by many after his five interception performance in Atlanta two weeks ago – seemed unusually hasty.  Sometimes good players/teams have bad years.  Sometimes the league's commissioner wreaks havoc with a vendetta against a single team.  So it goes.  Pick: Tampa Bay 

Joe: Tampa Bay has settled in nicely to the role of Team I Can Never Pick Correctly. So congratulations to the Bucs, then. Pick: New Orleans

Detroit at Arizona 

Aaron: It's been 20 years, but my alma mater – San Diego State – has finally produced another terrible NFL quarterback!  The Cardinals' Ryan Lindley – like Dan McGwire two decades earlier – has no business playing on Sunday afternoons.  And, Lindley can't even boast having a famous, muscle-bound sibling who played Major League Baseball.  Wait, let me double check.  No.  He can't.  Pick: Detroit 

Joe: Dan McGwire! Oooh, that takes me back. Where did Kelly Stouffer go to college? Stan Humphries? Browning Nagle? Wait, I know Browning Nagle went to Louisville. Glad that little nugget of un-monetizable information is taking up space in my head. Pick: Detroit

Carolina at San Diego 

Aaron: Embattled Chargers head coach Norv Turner used an imaginative, aggressive game plan to upset the Steelers in Pittsburgh last week.  Media reports indicate that he's already been told he won't be coaching in San Diego next season, so what better final "f*ck you" to Chargers fans than coaching like he has nothing to lose, picking up some meaningless December wins and sabotaging the team's draft position next spring.  Norv!  Pick: San Diego 

Joe: OR ... that was the last-gasp, "Roy Cohn crowing that he finally got Ethel Rosenberg to sing" effort for the Chargers this season before they drop dead and Cam is asked to come in and say the kaddish over his vanquished foe? (Is that TWO Angels in America references this season? I'm on fire!) Pick: Carolina

Seattle at Buffalo

Aaron:  So, we're all back on the Seattle bandwagon?  I mean, sure, they won 58-0 last week, but are we ALL going to ignore the caliber of that execrable Cardinals squad?   Huh.  OK, then.  Pick: Buffalo 

Joe: Eight turnovers! The Miami Maniax could have won a game getting the ball back that many times. (Callback!) I'd go with the Bills, except this is their annual Fake Home Game in Toronto screwjob. Pick: Seattle

Pittsburgh at Dallas 

Aaron: Ten years ago, these were the two most insufferable fanbases in the NFL.  Now, they're what – second and third, respectively?  And, please don't ask who's number one.  You ALL know.  Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: Well, if you're picking Chargers, I'm adding the Patriots and the Redskins somehow. And the Niners fans will be back up there before you know it. I'm going to call the last couple weeks for the Steelers "fluky." Plus, they need to lose here in order to beat the Bengals next week so that they can drag the final AFC wild card spot into 9-7 drudgery. Pick: Dallas

Kansas City at Oakland 

Aaron: The Raiders reinstated linebacker Rolando McClain after suspending two games for conduct detrimental to the team.  He's been demoted to the bench and will likely see most of his playing time on special teams.  Media reports indicate that the Raiders didn't release him outright as a means of keeping him from signing elsewhere.  So, his punishment is to…play for the 2012 Raiders?  Makes sense.  Pick: Oakland 

Joe: I've been sitting here for like fifteen minutes trying to think of one interesting thing about this game. Nothing. Straight-up nothing. This is what happens to me when I miss the playoffs in both my fantasy leagues. Pick: Oakland

San Francisco at New England 

Aaron: Last week, I predicted 49ers head coach Jim Harbaugh would ascend to Belichick-ian levels of fan animosity someday.  This week, they're on the same field.  The insufferable force against the intolerable object – broadcast to a national television audience.  Enjoy the last night of Hanukkah, everyone!  Pick: New England 

Joe: Come on, jerky Niners defense. Do something. Pick: San Francisco

NY Jets at Tennessee

Aaron: Anyone else rooting for the Jets to run the table in December and somehow stumble into the playoffs with a 9-7 record?  Really?  Just me?  Pick: NY Jets 

Joe: I mean, obviously. For like a billion different reasons. Which means now is when that dream dies. Pick: Tennessee

1 comment:

Jeff Hansen said...

How is this the first I've ever heard of Mark McGwire having a 1st round QB as a brother???