Last Week
Joe:
12-4
Aaron: 8-8
Current Standings
Joe: 125-65-1
Aaron: 120-70-1
Denver at Oakland
Aaron: The new leadership of my
Oakland Raiders is proving to be just as turbulent and tone-deaf as the last
overseer-- who at least had the excuse of insanity. This week's "Jon
Gruden-to-Oakland" rumors -- and the organization's failure to immediately
shoot them down while current head coach Dennis Allen was away from the team
mourning the loss of his father -- were especially repugnant. They've chosen to
build an offensive scheme around an aging, inconsistent quarterback and the
salary cap left them with a skeleton crew on defense. But, no one thought to
utter the word "rebuilding" for fear of alienating the paying
customers. With the expected return of Darren McFadden, I think the Raiders
offense -- for one night, on national television, in a nod to the torches and
pitchforks -- will begin and end with the running game for a change. The one
thing that won't change...? Pick: Denver
Joe: Denver has already clinched the
division. That seems like a mistake to me, but here we are. Denver's looking
great, though. They weathered the loss of Willis McGahee pretty well last week,
and despite Eric Decker's concerning (to me, at least) lack of fantasy
production the last few weeks, all signs are looking positive. Which is exactly
why they'll lose tonight: road division game, short week, all the fixings of a
trap-game. Placing my bets confidently with Oakland! Yep! Oakland! Just have to
type those letters, in sequence, after the word "pick." Just like so.
Nothing easier than that. Just a compound proper noun. "Oak" +
"land." That's pretty innocuous, right? Oak land! The Land of Oak!
Nothing inherently foolish about that! Okay, fine. I'm doing it. I'M DOING IT!
Pick: Oak...l...a...n...OHGODWHATAMIDOINGSOMEBODYSTOPME...d.
St. Louis at Buffalo
Aaron: Damn it. We've reached the
point of the season where "take the cold weather team at home" and
"take the mediocre team that's most likely to finish the season with a
string of superfluous, draft-position killing wins" are both perfectly
cromulent prognostication criteria. And,
here, they're overlapping! But, since
the Bills can check both boxes... Pick: Buffalo
Joe: I don't like the idea of taking
the Bills to take two winnable games at home in a row. They haven't really
played shockingly below their level this season. They are so due. Pick:
St. Louis
Baltimore at Washington
Aaron: The Redskins have spent the
past three weeks running the NFC East table, defeating all three of their
divisional colleagues. This isn't the
Ravens defense of recent vintage, either.
Redskins rookie QB has taken some hellacious hits this season, but if he
stays upright long enough to finish the game...
Pick: Washington
Joe: Two teams with hugely divergent
trajectories, and yet I like the Ravens here. It's not wise to make all the
reverse-psychology picks in one week, but here I am. Also, shouldn't there be
more of a rivalry here? What with the geography and all? Pick it up, D.C.-area.
Pick: Baltimore
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay
Aaron: Do we have to write up three or
four sentences about EACH of the Eagles final four games or can we skip
straight to the spoiler alert? Pick:
Tampa Bay
Joe: People who would probably be an
improvement for the Eagles at QB: Kevin Kolb. Collin Klein. Present-day Randall
Cunningham. Late-1980s era WWF manager Mr. Fuji. That little girl from the
Missy Elliott "Work It" video. Cockroach from "The Cosby
Show." Sasha Obama. (NOT Malia, though. No arm.) Pick: Tampa
Bay
San Diego at Pittsburgh
Aaron: Reports here in San Diego
indicate that Chargers head coach Norv Turner and general manager AJ Smith will
be fired at season's end. That means
there's only 22 days left to compile your "worst moments of the Turner/Smith
regime" lowlight packages, local news teams! The playoff loss to Mark Sanchez(!) and the
Jets! LaDanian Tomlinson sulking on the
sidelines after finishing short of the Super Bowl yet again! Every moment of
this season! I want them all! Make it a miniseries, if you must! Pick: Pittsburgh
Joe: The Steelers are very likely
going to make the playoffs, and again I am asking everybody: name one player
who has been impressive this season. Pick: Pittsburgh
Chicago at Minnesota
Aaron: The Bears defense is still
stout enough to stop Minnesota's only offensive strength -- RB Adrian Peterson.
They did it two weeks ago. (25 years
ago, you would've paid $4.99/minute for this wisdom.) Pick: Chicago
Joe: The Bears are maybe the biggest
question mark in the league heading into the playoffs. But not in this game.
Pick: Chicago
Atlanta at Carolina
Aaron: The Panthers' wins came against
New Orleans, Washington, Philadelphia and Kansas City. They haven't defeated a team that currently
sits above. 500 and...wait, they lost to Kansas City? Brady Quinn's Kansas
City? You're sure?! Pick: Atlanta
Joe: That doesn't count, there were
emotions involved. Your point remains valid. Looking forward to Atlanta winning
by fewer points than the experts feel like they should and using that as
further evidence that they're going to lose in the playoffs. Pick:
Atlanta
Dallas at Cincinnati
Aaron: The Cowboys have won three of
their last four! They're right there in
the mix within a winnable NFC East!
Those three wins came against Philadelphia, Cleveland and Philadelphia
(again). They're not going to win the
NFC East. Sorry, if I got your hopes
up. Pick: Cincinnati
Joe: Here come the Bengals! Can we
somehow manufacture a nostalgia wave for the Bengals and get Ickey Woods to
show up on the sidelines and do the Ickey Shuffle in the home finale? How does
one get that started? Pick: Cincinnati
Kansas City at Cleveland
Aaron: Regardless of where you stand
on the second amendment, when broadcaster Bob Costas is the most despised
participant in the entire Jovan Belcher/Kasandra Perkins narrative, then I
can't help but think no one will learn anything from this tragedy. Pick: Cleveland
Joe: Can't talk about the Costas
thing, lest I incur the wrath of the easily wrath-able. (Except to say that
kneejerk post by Deadspin about what a douche Costas is was the most
embarrassing thing they have ever done.) Anyway, Cleveland! They're not bad!
Pick: Cleveland
Tennessee at Indianapolis
Aaron: With the Titans, Chiefs and two
against the Texans (who'll likely be resting their starters in the season
finale), the Colts could very well finish with 11 wins. It's a long shot, but they
could meet Peyton Manning and the Broncos in the first
round. ESPN's Ron Jaworski just
exploded. Pick: Indianapolis
Joe: Can't wait to see who's going to
be the first person in sports media to ruin the Colts for me. No team stays
this feel-good for long. Pick: Indianapolis
N.Y. Jets at Jacksonville
Aaron: Yes, the Mark Sanchez bashing
is unfounded and out of control. BUT,
how do you give him the start just one game after determining you needed to
change quarterbacks last week? Weak
opponent, on the road and far away from booing fans...so, now Sanchez will be
expected to win big. This helps? Pick: Jacksonville
Joe: I'd make a plea that we stop
talking about the Jets for the rest of the season, but that would mean we'd
have to talk about the Jags here, and THAT is not going to happen. Pick:
Jacksonville
Miami at San Francisco
Aaron: For those wondering who we'll
all agree to hate when Patriots coach Bill Belichick finally hangs up his
cut-off hoodie, 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh just might be ready
to take his insufferable act national. I
sopped up their loss in St. Louis last week like a rack of the city's finest
ribs. With a double order of coleslaw
and that lonely slice of white bread that all reputable rib shacks serve on the
side. Pick: San
Francisco
Joe: Boy am I EVER onboard for this
one. 100%. He's got all the fixings, from the media tongue-bath, to the
paranoia, to the general feeling that he's a giant dick. Plus, he pulls even
better (worse) exaggerated faces on the sideline. Pick: San Francisco
New Orleans at N.Y. Giants
Aaron: I don't live in New York, so
I'll assume two Super Bowl championships and the Jets' melodrama is deflecting
most of the hyperbolic fan/media criticism from the Giants, yes? Still...they might wanna consider winning a
game or two this month. Pick:
NY Giants
Joe: Going home for the holidays
exacerbates this, but I have to admit that I NEVER know how to answer the
"what's the sports chatter in NYC?" question. I don't listen to
sports radio -- or any radio -- and I don't read the local newspapers, so I
honestly have no idea. But my sense is that nobody wants to be the first to cry
wolf on this Giants season and let the true believers play "toldja
so" if the Giants manage another late-season rebound. Pick: NY
Giants
Arizona at Seattle
Aaron: Only 8 1/2 more months until
it's me who's laughing at the guy in my fantasy league who
drafted Cardinals WR Larry Fitzgerald.
Pick: Seattle
Joe: Condolences. Every week I look at
the Cardinals and think they're a worthy upset pick, until I think about their
quarterbacks and cry one lonely tear. Pick: Seattle
Detroit at Green Bay
Aaron: Even though I picked the Lions,
I loved watching Andrew Luck calmly lead the Colts down the field in the final drive for the win. Detroit's bullying, often dirty defense was
on their heels. It was like an old
Superfriends episode come to life.
(Fine, just watch the first minute and then skip to the fourth
minute.) Pick: Green
Bay
Joe: I'd feel bad for the Packers fans
for having to watch their team win ugly every week. There's no joy in watching
a good team look shitty and win anyway. There were some Bills seasons like
that, and you'd look back at 11-5 and think "Did I really feel good on
eleven of the past sixteen Sundays?" No, you didn't. Anyway, I start to
feel bad and then I try to remember the last time the Bills won eleven games at
all and my heart hardens into a snarl. Pick: Green Bay
Houston at New England
Aaron: Two very good teams? One of them is from New England? I assume ESPN's Monday Night Football pregame
show started last Tuesday! Pick:
New England
Joe: COME ON HOUSTON, DO IT FOR ME.
Pick: Houston
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