Thursday, October 4, 2012

2012 NFL Pickery -- Week #5

Last Week 

Aaron: 11-4
Joe: 11-4 

Current Standings 

Joe: 38-25
Aaron: 36-27
Arizona at St. Louis 

Aaron: It's easy to look sideways at the Cardinals' three-point OT squeaker at home over a mediocre Dolphins team last week and question whether Arizona's 4-0 record is real or a mirage. You know what's even easier? Picking against a Rams team that's playing on a short week with a dinged-up running back against a decent run defense. Pick: Arizona 

Joe: I actually thought the Cardinals showed a lot in that win over Miami. Fighting off an obvious letdown game and coming back to do so? Sure, it was Miami, but they've been a tough out this season. So is St. Louis, I should mention, and you know how I feel about division games on the road. I think Arizona is the clear better team here, with their defense, but why not make it interesting? Pick: St. Louis

Miami at Cincinnati

Aaron: The Bengals are in the middle of an especially unimpressive run of cupcake opponents -- Jacksonville! Cleveland! (Twice!) Miami! -- and could be 5-1 in advance of their Week #7 Sunday night showdown against the Steelers. I was WAY late to the Bengals bandwagon last year and had to stand in the aisle. Of course, I was thrown through the windshield when the bandwagon crashed after I picked Cincinnati to beat Houston in the first round of the playoffs. I've learned nothing! Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: God, remember when these two teams and the Bills were the top of the AFC heap in the early '90s? ...No? Well, it happened! And Americans watched a show called Picket Fences! It was a different time! Pick: Cincinnati

Green Bay at Indianapolis

Aaron: So, who'll be the first national football writer or TV personality to juxtapose the Packers' tainted Monday Night Football loss two weeks ago with the recent news of Colts head coach Chuck Pagano's leukemia diagnosis and use it to condescendingly explain to us all what REAL hardships are? (It'll be Bob Costas.) And, will he be able to fit it all into a single "Sunday Night Essay" segment? Pick: Green Bay

Joe: Is THIS the week the Packers actually decide to start playing? Also, is there a head coach in the league you're more certain you'd have hated in college than Mike McCarthy? Pick: Green Bay

Baltimore at Kansas City

Aaron: A "Show-Me State" thought experiment: Ask any dyed-in-the-wool, red-state Missourian if he/she would rather have four more years of President Obama or 2 3/4 more years of Chiefs head coach Romeo Crennel finishing his current contract. You have to live with one! Pick: Baltimore

Joe: How long til we start talking about Jamaal Charles and Dwayne Bowe like we talked about Larry Fitzgerald last season? Fantasy juggernauts stuck on terrible teams: life's greatest tragedy! Pick: Baltimore

Atlanta at Washington

Aaron: The Redskins aren't a great team, but they're good enough to give the Falcons a few fits with their offense. All things being equal, I'd even take the Redskins if rookie QB Robert Griffin III wasn't, y'know, a rookie. But, if we learned nothing else from Jamie Foxx's performance as rookie QB "Steamin' Willie Beamen" in Any Given Sunday, it's that Jamie Foxx is kinda overrated as an actor. Wait, that was Ray that taught us that. Never mind. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: I guess I'm the guy who overrates the Redskins this year? At least for picking purposes. No team can stay unbeaten forever! Or for five weeks, I guess! Pick: Washington

Philadelphia at Pittsburgh

Aaron: The death of Raiders owner Al Davis guarantees that I won't have to worry about any "Raiders Acquire Eagles QB Vick for Draft Picks" headlines this offseason. I would've happened, people. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: No, but seriously, how does Philly keep winning these games? Pick: Pittsburgh

Cleveland at NY Giants

Aaron: Hopefully, you guys follow at least a few Giants fans on Twitter. This feels like one of those games where they'll be dispensing ALL CAPS RAGE TWEETS throughout the first half, before the Giants remember they're two touchdowns better than their opponent and pull away late. (Don't let me down, Tom!) Pick: NY Giants

Joe: Hi, Eli, remember your trusty TE Martellus Bennett? Throw to him again. Pick: NY Giants

Seattle at Carolina

Aaron: My eight-year-old son has been reading those "Diary of a Wimpy Kid" books. One of the major plot points in the first book involves some kind of school yard curse called the "cheese touch". I'm boring you with this in the hope that our nation's sportswriters can come up with a hackneyed dairy-related nickname for the karmic "curse" that befell the Seahawks after their referee-stained victory over Green Bay two weeks ago. "The Curds Curse"? Fuck it, go with that. Pick: Carolina

Joe: I'm basically arbitrarily picking the Seahawks here, on the back of a stalwart performance by oh, let's say, Marshawn Lynch. Pick: Seattle

Chicago at Jacksonville

Aaron: The Bears' next four games are all very winnable. This should allow QB Jay Cutler to build up just enough goodwill for fearlessly leading a 7-1 team in to mid-November. He will inevitably crash and burn in back-to-back weeks against Houston and San Francisco, but that's like five or six weeks away. Let the ol' sourpuss enjoy October, OK? Pick: Chicago

Joe: Trap games still exist, right? Didn't we all have a raging, high-handed, hurt-feelings debate among sports fans as to whether trap games exist? If they do, this is certainly one. And while it gives me that deep, pit-of-your-stomach feeling like when you're at the top of a rollercoaster to pick the Jags ... oh, hell. Pick: Jacksonville

Denver at New England

Aaron: The Schadenfreude -- emanating from ESPN's Podcenter by way of Los Angeles by way of Boston -- has been out full force this week. But, before we eulogize Peyton Manning's limb, perhaps we should remember that his Broncos have lost twice this arguably the two best teams in the league. Cancel the amputation. Pick: Denver

Joe: Sweet Jesus, how would I like for Peyton to beat the Patriots this week. Only a deluded asshole would think a "reverse jinx" would work. (Also ... pretty sure it's just a "jinx" -- a "reverse jinx," like "reverse racism," is a made-up thing that doesn't even mean what you think it means. Yeah, Universal You, I said it!) Pick: New England

Buffalo at San Francisco

Aaron: Let's take Joe's mind off of this inevitable annihilation by taking him back 20 years. In 1992, the Bills played in San Francisco and defeated the 49ers 34-31 on a Thurman Thomas 11 yard TD run in the 4th quarter. QB Jim Kelly threw for 403 yards and three touchdowns. Good times. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: No punts in that game! Anyway, I guess the Bills are the "beat the bad teams, lose to the good teams" squad this year. We've had worse. Pick: San Francisco

Tennessee at Minnesota

Aaron: Titans backup QB Matt Hasselbeck, 57, looked pretty damn good in relief of an injured Jake Locker last week. If RB Chris Johnson's smoldering corpse wasn't lining up behind him, I'd give this one a closer look. Meanwhile, Minnesota is...NOT terrible? Pick: Minnesota

Joe: My bald-head boyfriend Matt Hasselbeck ... wish I could pick you here, boo! I've somehow become a Vikings semi-believer. Pick: Minnesota

San Diego at New Orleans

Aaron: Lot of confidence filling the sun-drenched streets here in San Diego this week. Three wins against three terrible teams has Chargers fans forgetting that their team isn't as good as their 3-1 record seems. With news that NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is allowing exiled Saints coach Sean Payton to attend this game in some nebulous capacity, I'm smelling the laziest postgame storyline of the season. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: San Diego only beats bad teams ... but the Saints might be one. That said, they probably SHOULD have beat the Packers last week, and they can't stay winless forever. Pick: New Orleans

Houston at NY Jets

Aaron: There's no way Tim Tebow's NOT starting the second half for the Jets here, right? Pick: Houston

Joe: You're part of the problem! Pick: Houston


Kristen said...

If my Cardinals win tonight, I feel like I owe Joe some tamales. GO CARDS!!!!

Kristen said...


Yvonne said...

I think I'm going to skip next week's Raiders game. Matty Ice might throw for 500 against our secondary. Chances I'll be watching your A's in the ALCS next weekend, instead?