Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Son Knows More About Baseball Than You...and Possibly Me

We're less than a week into the 2011 baseball season. These are actual conversations with my seven-year-old son Jalen since Opening Day...

Jalen: [Out of the blue, in the back seat, on the way to school] "Do you think Cincinnati is going to finish in first place?"

Me: [Driving, half-listening] "Uh, maybe. They've got some good young hitters like Joey Votto and...uh, the other guy. Why can't I remember his name? He put up some solid numbers..."

Jalen: "
Jay Bruce."

Me: "Jay Bruce! Yeah. Jay Bruce."


Jalen: [Watching Braves/Nationals highlights] "Daddy, how come Dan Uggla
isn't wearing number six?"

Me: "How on earth do you know what number Dan Uggla is supposed to wear?"

Jalen: "Well, that's the number he wore when he
played with the Marlins."

Me: "I don't know, J. Maybe someone with the Braves is already wearing number six."

Jalen: "Wait. That was [former Atlanta manager]
Bobby Cox's number. They're probably gonna retire it."

Me: [Hauling my jaw off the ground] "How do you know this?"

Jalen: "I just do."


Jalen: [Excitedly racing downstairs this past Saturday] "Daddy, did the A's win?"

Me: "We lost, 6-2. And, we made five errors. It's only the first game of the season, J."

Jalen: "Did Texas win?"

Me: "I think so."

Jalen: "And, the Angels won already, right?"

Me: "I think they did."

Jalen: "Awww...that means we're in LAST place!"

Me: [Head explodes.]


Tom said...

Hey, when you wear #6, you want to know who's sharing your number! I'd hold off buying him a Mets' Reyes jersey, though.

Aaron C. said...

Fortunately, J already knows how to pronounce "Ruben Tejada" :)

Lew B said...

I was gonna say, "It's good you are his dad and not me, as I would have no idea what he was talking about." Then I realized my kid would be sitting in a corner wondering why the sky was blue (and looking at all the bad things in the world and wanting some).

Elena said...

Please don't report any of Jalen's comments about the (major league) Red Sox. Boston is VERY UNHAPPY right now, and an adorably overinformed child (from California, no less) might be what tips us over into openly weeping and setting the odd fire.

Tom said...

Ruben Tejada is so yesterday. The new hotness is a Rule V draftee from the Blue Jays who may or may not be able to 1) field the position or 2) hit major league pitching.

But he's not that loser Luis Eckstillo so it's OK.

Aaron C. said...

@Mr. Lew -- If he was your kid, I *know* what he'd be looking at...as you scarfed down some boneless "3 Mile Island/911" wings.

@Elena -- Jalen tonight: "Is Boston going to win a game this season, Daddy?" Me: "I don't know, son." (And, yes, my A's lost AGAIN.)

@Tom -- I waiting for the inevitable "get your nose out of your spreadsheets, DORK" anti-Alderson columns to start. One more month? Two?

Elena said...

@Jalen: [muffled sobbing; striking of matches]

Eugene Tierney said...

This is how it starts. Next thing you know, he'll be writing for a little read blog.