Sunday, January 2, 2011

2010 NFL Pickery -- Week #17

Last Week:

Aaron: 10-6
Tom: 8-8
Joe: 7-9


Joe: 153-87
Aaron: 148-92
Tom: 145-95

Carolina at Atlanta

: I watched Falcons RB Michael Turner fairly regularly when he played here in San Diego. Last week, against the Saints, I noticed his body shape currently sits somewhere between the late Craig "Ironhead" Heyward and a Tyler Perry caricature. And, I'm honestly not sure which dig is more offensive. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: League's worst team on the road against conference's top team (who still need to win to lock up home field advantage) ... I guess what I'm saying is, you'd be an idiot NOT to start off 2011 by betting all you've got on the Falcons here. I guarantee you won't be disappointed. (Not a guarantee.) Pick: Atlanta

Pittsburgh at Cleveland

Aaron: The Steelers are playing for a #2 seed in the playoffs and a first-round bye. The Browns are playing for pride. And, if 2010 taught us nothing else, it's that LeBron James can be used as a reason to pick against any Cleveland team in perpetuity. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: Cleveland's lost it, folks. What was once a promising team looking towards 2011 now looks like ... well, the Cleveland Browns. Pick: Pittsburgh

Minnesota at Detroit

Aaron: I might've been too quick to proclaim "Baby Bucs" the laziest alliterative appellation of the 2010 NFL season, as "vagabond Vikings" has been making a late push. I know it's a short week for Minnesota here; but the thought of putting the imaginary 2010 NFL Pickery Championship on the Detroit F*cking Lions winning four in a row is not something I'm willing to do. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: That's right. I'm putting the imaginary 2010 NFL Pickery Championship on the Detroit F*cking Lions winning four in a row to close the season. Pick: Detroit

Oakland at Kansas City

The playoff-bound Chiefs -- 7-0 at home this season -- insist they won't rest their starters. Since the Kansas City media philosophy is modeled after the Patriots' school of transparent subterfuge, I'll take the Raiders since their starters WILL play all game in a genuine effort to finish .500. Pick: Oakland

Joe: Isn't Jamaal Charles playing for some kind of random statistical distinction? These AFC West divisional rivalries always seem to go 1-1, so I'm sticking with the Chiefs. Pick: Kansas City

Miami at New England

Aaron: The Dolphins odd, season-long "win on the road, lose at home" formula won't matter against a Pats team that takes so much pleasure in blowing out intra-divisional rivals. Want more analysis? It's finna be cold in Foxboro, yo. Pick: New England

Joe: Hey, so at what point do all the Massholes write their apology notes to Tom Brady's haircut? Or are they just hoping the rest of us would forget the regional hissy fit they all threw after a whopping two early-season losses opened their eyes to the real enemy: faggy haircuts? I don't care if they're scrawled out in crayon on bar napkins, those follicles deserve some kind of mea culpa. Pick: New England

Tampa Bay at New Orleans

Aaron: The Saints could steal the #1 seed in the NFC with a win here and a loss by Atlanta. I imagine New Orleans will play hard for a few series before someone on the sideline checks their cell phone and sees the Falcons up by 21 in the first quarter. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: I figured everything was falling into place with all the Saints skill players getting healthy for the playoffs. But what's with Drew Brees throwing all the interceptions at Atlanta? They seem all set to win this, but I'm concerned for the playoffs. Pick: New Orleans

Buffalo at N.Y. Jets

Aaron: Win or lose, the Jets can't impact their own playoff seeding here. Next week, they'll be on the road -- somewhere -- so, I gotta believe the Jets starters will be out of this game early. With this game rendered meaningless, I'll be able to continue following the inexplicably national story that is Mayor Bloomberg's "snow response". Pick: Buffalo

Joe: Hey, whatever it takes to deep-six the man's bid to Perot the 2012 presidential race. Anyway, after last week's festival of turnovers against the Patriots, I'm officially off the "Maybe Ryan Fitzpatrick could be a playoff quarterback" bandwagon. Still on the "Fitzpatrick is good enough that we don't have to blow a top-5 pick on a quarterback" bandwagon, though. Looks like Fitzpatrick might not play this week, just to make this entire blurb worthless. Pick: NY Jets

Cincinnati at Baltimore

Aaron: In spite of four TDs from Bengals QB Carson Palmer last week, he is not "back", kids. Cincinnati kept the Chargers on their heels more with an effective running game and Palmer's longest score came on a play in which the San Diego defender was looking to his defensive coordinator on the sideline when the ball was snapped. If anyone on the Ravens' D is that stupid, Ray Lewis will kill him. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Is everybody sleeping on a Ravens team that could run the table in the AFC or am I crazy? Pick: Baltimore

Tennessee at Indianapolis

With the Colts knocking on the door of a playoff berth, the predictable storyline is that Peyton Manning "wins these games". Fair enough. I just want those same writers to remind us that Peyton Manning "loses these games" when the second round of the playoffs roll around. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: There it is. The sad lament of the guy who counts out Peyton Manning too soon. Sounds nasally and with a bit of a Massachusetts twang, don't you think? Pick: Indianapolis

Chicago at Green Bay

Aaron: The Packers still haven't officially clinched a playoff berth while the Bears can be no worse than a #2 seed. With the way Green Bay QB Aaron Rodgers carved up the Giants' homicidal defense last week, I'm inclined to ride the hot hand even if it's just for two quarters. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: I still can't shake the sense that the Packers are just straight-up the better team here. Pick: Green Bay

Dallas at Philadelphia

Aaron: With the #3 seed in the NFC sewn-up, there's no way the Eagles let a banged-up Mike Vick play more than a few series, right? If at all? Anything more would be cruel and inhumane. Pick: Dallas

Joe: Not taking the bait this week. Those dogs barking "Jingle Bells" really sated me for a while. Vick or not, Philly maybe doesn't want to back into the playoffs off of two home losses, right? Pick: Philadelphia

Jacksonville at Houston

Aaron: We spend a lot of time bashing the sports media 'round these parts, so credit where it's due: I haven't seen one "Houston, We Have a Problem..." headline in reference to the Texans abominable defense this year. Kudos. Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: Look for the Texans to get Stonewalled at Jackson-ville! ...No, you're right, "Houston, We Have a Problem" is still worse. Houston manages to lose these games time and again, but if the Jags couldn't hold off the lowly Redskins when the playoffs were likely, I can't see them summoning a win here. Pick: Houston

N.Y. Giants at Washington

Aaron: Random columnist-esque observation -- Why does Peyton Manning look so embarrassed and humbled when he's addressing the media after a tough loss, while his kid brother Eli carries a smug look that derisively suggests "do you think YOU could do better?" Pick: NY Giants WASHINGTON*

* -- (I originally had the Giants here when I sent my picks to Joe. Last night, Joe sent his picks to me and we differed on five games. In a last-ditch attempt to snatch the imaginary pickery championship from Joe's REAL wing sauce-covered hands; I'm going for the win with QB Rex Grossman and the Redskins. Sorry, Tom. -- Aaron)

Joe: Last season, after choking away the season, the Giants were expected to play for pride and win out in the Giants Stadium finale. They lost by approximately 75 points. Will they do the same this year, when they're playing not for pride but for a long shot chance at the wild card? Am I just giving Cam enough of a push to counter-pick me with the Skins?** Pick: NY Giants

** -- (Yes! -- Aaron)

San Diego at Denver

OK...I'm not one of the people who hates on Tim Tebow for any aspect of his faith. I can, however, learn to hate him if the media doesn't stop -- like RIGHT NOW -- with the passive-aggressive "...some of Tebow's game reminds me of a certain Denver QB from the '80s and '90s..." nonsense. I'm asking nicely, you guys. Pick: San Diego

Joe: Yeah, it is a smidge unseemly, the rabid negative reaction to Tebow, both from the Deadspin blockheads and from the Football Outsiders stat-heads, who abhor the "He Just Wins" poster boy. That said, here's my weekly Bill Simmons rant: Really? You're really taking credit for being "right" about Tebow already? After one win where he put up great numbers against an all-time worst Texans defense? He's already "great"? Keep being the worst, Bill. Pick: San Diego

Arizona at San Francisco

Aaron: Head coach Mike Singletary was despised by pretty much the entire 49ers team. He was fired this past week and I expect San Francisco's performance to rival the Rachel Phelps hate-motivated run of the 1989 celluloid Cleveland Indians. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: I may win the 2010 Pickery title (may -- no one's counting any chickens before they hatch), but with that blurb, Cam walks away with the season's best pop cultural reference. Pick: San Francisco

St. Louis at Seattle

Aaron: Erstwhile USC Trojans head coach Pete Carroll could take his Seahawks team to the postseason with a win. If that's not reason enough for the football gods to favor St. Louis, I don't know what is. Come on, karma. Pick: St. Louis

Joe: Seattle's home strength scares the crap out of me here. I just really would rather not have a 7-9 playoff team. Really. It's not too much to ask for a playoff team to have an even record or better. This should not happen. Don't ruin 2011 right off the gate, St. Louis. Win this. Pick: St. Louis


Elena said...

Joe: Tom Brady's hair belongs on a 2nd-tier hockey boofhead. It is not worthy of him. I'm not apologizing for shit.

Aaron C. said...

Through gritted teeth, I grudgingly concede -- as if I had a choice -- the imaginary pickery title to Joe for the second straight year.

I feel that I should get some credit for shaving his 30-win* lead after week #3 back down to single digits, though. Eh? EH?!

* -- I'm rounding up a little there.