Wednesday, July 1, 2009

TBG Eats: Burger King® French Toast Flavored Snacks

Current Weight: 169.2 lbs.

When I was 13 years old, I weighed 180 lbs. and somehow managed to cram my 38-inch waist into either a pair of
nut-hugging shorts or Sears Toughskins jeans every morning before school.

And, I can't remember ever leaving my house without cramming some sort of breakfast in my mouth.

Y'see, back in the 1980s, we were told that breakfast was the most important meal of the day. In hindsight, it's hard to believe that a generation of American children took nutritional advice from
a talking tumor and its Vaudeville soft-shoe act.

Eventually, though, everyone outgrows breakfast. Those idyllic AM scenes around the family dining room can't hold a candle to staggering home after an evening of drinking – take-out chorizo burrito in hand – and sleeping in until your 1:00 PM freshman psych class begins.

This hasn't stopped the fast food industry from aggressively marketing their "grown-up" breakfast menus to the very same collection of '80s kids – who now have mortgages, car payments and kids of their own. From the
Double Croissanwich to the Anglo-Mexican meal, America wants YOU to resume early morning eatin'.

Following the lead of nationally-known restaurant chains like T.G.I. Friday's, our friends at Burger King have entered the cross-branded snack foods arena with a new line of products designed to keep their name in your face.

Within the walls of the Unnamed Defense Contractor, our vending machines were recently stocked with Burger King's French Toast Flavored Snacks. Now, even though my idea of "breakfast" these days is a Clif Bar chased with two quarts of black coffee, I have been known to partake in the cinnamon-sweet, syrup-dunkin' goodness of fast food French toast sticks. And, now they're in mid-afternoon snack form? SOLD!

I cracked open a bag and – at the risk of overselling this – was nearly knocked on my ass by the intoxicating olfactory sledgehammer of natural maple flavor. Made from puffed corn, the texture is light but with a crazy amount of crispiness. The syrup notes are intense throughout with a surprisingly effective taste resulting from the sugary/salty components. Halfway through the bag, I started gently laying each "chip" perpendicular across my tongue, treating each one as a little reward to myself for uncovering such a fantastic find.

And, yes, I did go back and buy out every bag in the vending machine.

Eat it, peers!

Grade: 5 (out of 5) Calories: 150, Fat: 8g (per 1 oz. serving)


that mexican guy said...

That Hardee's commercial you linked to might be the most awesomely offensive ad I've seen in years. No fucking way that could ever run in California.

(note: I'M not offended by it, but still)

That Bootleg Guy said...

Agreed. Although I'm torn as to who looks worse. The yokel rancher guy is a 19th century caricature (I mean, who talks like that today? Even in Wyoming?!). Meanwhile, the "meek and confused" Hispanic guy should *really* hire a new agent. Me thinks he's not getting the most out of his Juilliard education.

SHough610 said...

I saw this and thought you'd be the only person who would appreciate it as much as me.