Sunday, April 8, 2007

TBG Reviews McDonalds' Angus Third Pounder

As anyone with even a modicum of marketing knowledge knows, the big, bad brand names often test market new merchandise across a limited populace before unleashing their beast on an unsuspecting America.

Over the years, Southern California has been a breeding ground for celebrated sneak peeks at new fast food. Some of them catch on, like Taco Bell's Mexican Pizza, which was originally introduced out here in the early '80s as "Pizzazz Pizza". On an unrelated note, one year later, the word "gay" officially ceased as a synonym to "showy", "merry" or "lively".

Keeping on the sh*tty sham pizza theme, not everything new actually stays. McDonald's "McPizza" was regionally introduced in California in the '90s. Wondering why it didn't stick? Well, first there was the unspoken admission that "McRib might be the breaking point in their overuse of the 'Mc' prefix" thing. Secondly, it was essentially the size of one of those Celeste's pizzas-for-one. Finally, 15 years ago, no one was willing to pay $3.99 for a fast food menu item.

It's now 2007 and my home state is once again advancing our nation towards mass angioplasties.

McDonald's has introduced their line of "Angus Third Pounders". From their March 5 press release:

The Angus Third Pounders, available at participating McDonald’s restaurants in Kern, Los Angeles, Orange, Riverside, San Bernardino, San Diego and Ventura counties, come in three varieties: Angus Deluxe, Angus Mushroom and Swiss, and Angus Bacon and Cheese, for a suggested retail price of $3.99 each.

It really wasn't that long ago when McDonald's sold pretty much any burger, fries and drink combo as a $2.99 Extra Value Meal. I'm not complaining about the price of this new four buck hamburger, I'm just openly showing my age in a subversively cantankerous fashion.

And, as a resident of San Diego County, it is my obligation to clog my colon for you, dear reader. Last week, I made my way to the McDonald's drive thru and experienced an almost identical experience to the last time I was there. (Just click 'refresh' if the link won't open, kids.)

Wanna confuse any of the McKids behind the McCounter? Hand one of them a McCoupon. The last thing I heard from "Trainee" after he took my coupon was, "I'll have to get my manager." (For the record, I'm NOT one of those guys who normally uses coupons at restaurants, but a free burger is a free burger. And, also, "shut up".)

It was a pretty good-sized hunk of cow, to be sure. Although, I'm not sure why something that's advertised as 1/3 of one pound should be considered "big" by anybody. For your frame of reference, my son Jalen was three pounds when he was born and felt pretty light in my hand. Uh, I mean "hands", plural…two hands. (In case the wife is reading.)

Anyways, the first thing I noticed about my burger was the smell. It wasn't a bad smell, but it was…well, it was that McDonald's smell. I can't explain it, but if you've eaten enough Quarter Pounders, you know how that Mickey D meat smells. Nothing new there.

I went with the "Angus Deluxe" (lettuce, tomato, cheese, onion and condiments). Still, this mountain of salad fixins and multi-colored spreads couldn't hide the fact that the burger, while beefy, was flat out bland. In fact, it tasted like less than nothing. Is all of McDonald's sodium saved for their artificially-flavored French fries? Nothing new here, either.

In hindsight, I should've ordered mine with swine. (Or Swiss, which wouldn't have rhymed.)

Still, I seriously doubt that any amount of pork and cheese could save this four dollar heart bomb. Anyone over the age of eight knows there are an infinite amount of better burgers than whatever Mayor McCheese is shilling. Get this one for the four-year-olds and watch their little tummies explode.


mikey said...

No mention of the terrible commercials they're running out here, which feature people from around the country begging California to make the Angus burgers a hit. There's one with a Texas couple that involves a kazoo and another featuring three "new englanders" with bad boston accents, including a black guy. I want this to fail just for that.

ron mexico said...

Over the weekend, went to Burger King with a "Buy One Get One Free" Coupon for chicken sandwiches.

I usually go to the window but the last time I went they did the; "can you pull around front and we'll bring it out to you" while my car runs for another 15 minutes and the confused guy checks with the OTHER 3 cars parked out there to see which one the bag of grease goes to. Plus the coupon confusion factor is tripled when using it at the drive thru.

I go inside to avoid this and hand her the coupon which she looks at it like it was the dead sea scrolls. (Read; Annoyed and doubting its legitimacy) I ask to have tomaotoes and cheese added to both..which she smugly says..."you'll have to pay for those on both" if I'm going to just cancel the whole order now and am part of some diabolical plot to get free cheese and tomatoes. To say nothing of the fact that I have to ask for and pay extra for a frozen green tomato.

This complex order has me in there for over ten minutes waiting while the following comments are said ; "Yo I'm bout to quit right now" and "fo show". Mind you, there's ONE other person waiting for an order.

Lesson: Stop eating at these shitholes.

the artist occastionally known as thai said...

For the record, I'm NOT one of those guys who normally uses coupons at restaurants, but a free burger is a free burger. And, also, "shut up".
Ahem. Snicker, snicker. And snicker. Oh, yes: snicker.

Regardless, I must add a concurment to the review.

dirty sanchez said...

Wait...that sounds like black people working in a fast food joint? You can't be from california, since my mexican brothers and sisters have taken those jobs, too.

BTW, Cam, go to wendy's and get that 4 alarm chicken sandwich. It's some good shit even if it "tastes like burning".