TBG's 2008 NFL Pickin' - Week #15

Last Week:
Aaron: 12-4 (0-1 vs. the spread)
Joe: 13-3 (1-0 vs. the spread)

Season to Date:
Joe: 137-70-1 (7-7 vs. the spread)
Aaron: 132-75-1 (6-8 vs. the spread)

New Orleans at Chicago
Aaron: Tonight's forecast in Chicago is 19 degrees with flurries. Do I make the predictable, unfunny Californian joke about how the only "flurries" I've seen are blended with delicious soft serve and Heath Bar? Or are those "Blizzards"? Meh, either way, it seems awfully cold to eat ice cream. Pick: Chicago

Joe: Weirder NFL development at running back: That, in Denver's Payton Hillis, we have the first notable white running back since The Nick Goings Improbably Fantasy MVP Season of '05, or the emergence of an RB named "Pierre" Thomas, in New Orleans. Yes, yes, New Orleans has their proud creole tradition and all. But still, can't he just switch names with Tony Parker to make the world make sense again? Pick: New Orleans

Tampa Bay at Atlanta
Aaron: Here's hoping the Bucs' run defense is as porous as it looked on Monday night vs. Carolina. Signed, All of us who own Michael Turner in our fantasy money leagues. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: You think the Falcons feel out of place as the least controversial NFC wildcard contender? Andre Rison, Eugene Robinson, and Michael Vick officially think the team has gone soft. Pick: Atlanta

Seattle at St. Louis
Aaron: Nice of the Seahawks' receivers to get all healthy and un-injured just in time for some third-rate opponents and a chance to torpedo a top six draft pick. Pick: Seattle

Joe: Not to mention Seneca Wallace making his case for the Billy Volek "Weeks 14-16 MVP" award. Pick: Seattle

Buffalo at N.Y. Jets
Aaron: My Raiders will remain the template for inept sports franchises as long as the wind whistles thru Al Davis' remains. That said, even he wouldn't OK the relocation of a home game to a neutral site with neutral conditions in front of a neutered crowd in December. Pick: NY Jets

Joe: Dear Roger Goddell: See? Canadians HATE FOOTBALL. Please don't give them our team. In other news: the playoff hopes are finished, but knocking Brett Favre and the Jets out of the playoffs would be goddamn sweet. Stupid J.P. Losman. Pick: NY Jets

San Francisco at Miami
Aaron: Soooooo, maybe it was just the 4-6 cold weather games Chad Pennington had to play every year in New York, New England and/or Buffalo that kept him from crossing over into the realm of perfectly serviceable QBs? Thanks, South Florida! You, too, province of Ontario! Pick: Miami

Joe: Never thought I'd be rooting for the Dolphins to win the division, but here we are. Come on, Davone Bess! Pick: Miami

San Diego at Kansas City
Aaron: The Chargers have played the Chiefs in December a few times in the past few seasons and never seem to look good. OK, not a convincing argument, but I needs to make up some ground to ol' Brooklyn Joe. Pick: Kansas City

Joe: Happy to oblige! Pick: San Diego

Green Bay at Jacksonville
Aaron: That 4th down run vs. Pittsburgh in last year's playoffs netted Jags QB David Garrard a huge contract extension. Sure, he and the Jags quit on their coach, but they showed up for about 50% of the season! Pick: Green Bay

Joe: I'd love to pick the Jags as I need Maurice Jones-Drew to show up big here, but that whole thing about quitting on this season ain't no joke. Pick: Green Bay

Washington at Cincinnati
Aaron: Goddammit, Clinton Portis...quit feuding with your head coach, rest your body until Sunday and shred the Bengals like every other running back has this year. Fantasy. Playoffs. Money. League. Does this mean nothing to you?! Pick: Washington

Joe: And speaking of teams who have mailed this season in. With insufficient postage. Pick: Washington

Tennessee at Houston
Aaron: Can't get enough of those soft-focused Kerry Collins "redemption" stories. A recovering alcoholic (who still drinks)...quit on his Panthers team after his heart was no longer in it...looked awful in every big game he's ever played in. And, all he had to say is "sorry about that". That's the liberal media elite for ya. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: For what seems like the tenth week in a row, I'd love to pick the Texans here, but I won't. Pick: Tennessee

Detroit at Indianapolis
Aaron: Y'know...I think they're going to do it. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: You know, Detroit's close to the Canadian border too. Anybody discussing giving THEIR crappy team to Toronto? Pick: Indianapolis

Minnesota at Arizona
Aaron: The Vikings looked lethargic against an overmatched Lions squad last week. That combined with an "NFC West Champions Hangover" effect for the Cards makes this...OK, OK, I'm just trying to convince myself. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Isn't there some coincidental and silly "rule" about dome teams from cold-weather cities traveling in a southwesterly direction and playing a team that's marginally better than them? I think there is. Pick: Arizona

New England at Oakland
Aaron: The death of Matt Cassel's father this week only means one thing: 500 passing yards for the Pats QB, all dedicated to the memory of his pops. (See how inspiring death can be, Al Davis?) Pick: New England

Joe: Aaron, they're not all Brett Favre, you know. Pick: New England

Denver at Carolina
Aaron: The mediocre Broncos are going to win the AFC West and the slightly better Panthers looked like world-beaters a week ago. I miss the certainty of Johnny Unitas. Now, there's a haircut you can set your watch to. Pick: Denver

Joe: You think the Panthers are only slightly better than the Broncos? Guess it's just that No Coast Bias coming into play. Pick: Carolina

Pittsburgh at Baltimore
Aaron: Last time I mention my fantasy playoff game (hopefully, just for this week!): I've got Hines Ward AND Derrick Mason AND the Steelers' defense. The Ravens, meanwhile, are targeting Ward with the most publicized bounty since that whole Boba Fett/Han Solo thing back in '80. How can I lose?! Ugh. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: The Ravens at home after a emotional comeback win by the Steelers SEEMS like the right call. But "AFC North Campion Baltimore Ravens" certainly sounds odd. Let's see what happens when I put all my chips on Joe Flacco. Pick: Baltimore

N.Y. Giants at Dallas
Aaron: Come on, Tony Romo! (I can't say why, as I used up my quota of fantasy football self-references earlier in this post.) Pick: Dallas

Joe: It's pretty kind of TO, Jason Witten, and the entire road company of Wade Phillips's Bumbling Wild West Show to make the post-Plax Giants the LEAST distracted team on the field this week. It's closing in three weeks. Pick: NY Giants

Cleveland at Philadelphia
Aaron: Isn't it about time for Donovan McNabb to come back down to earth against an opponent he has no business losing to? Stupid Ken Dorsey. Why can't you be at least average? Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: The silver lining to another Eagles win is that we'll get another week of the very same sports pundits throwing dirt on Philly's grave three weeks ago telling the rest of us how stupid and disrespectful we were for thinking Donovan and Co. didn't have the rest of the league right where they wanted them all along. Awesome. Pick: Philadelphia

Sure-Thing Suicide Spread

Aaron: Denver (+7.5) at Carolina
Joe: Buffalo (+7.5) at NY Jets

My 20 Most Hated Oakland A's - Part I

Having been an A's fan since 1981, I've had the pleasure of watching some of my favorite players – both all-world and obscure – wear the white shoes and rock the green and gold. But, I haven't openly rooted for every Oakland Athletic. Some were incessantly overhyped rookies, some were unsuccessful closers. Some were more style than substance, some were just jerks. I'll always love my A's…I just hate these guys.

#20 – Jose Ortiz: Selected by Baseball America as the A's top prospect in 2001 after putting up .351/.408/.575 line at AAA-Sacramento in 2000. His power numbers were SO far above and beyond anything he'd done to that point, it's probably not a stretch to suggest he had Miguel Tejada, Adam Piatt and Jason Giambi on speed vial, er, dial. Only had 52 at-bats with the A's before he was traded to Colorado, but at Spring Training in 2001, he started chatting up my girlfriend (the future Mrs. Bootleg) and asked her out. He's spent the last few years bouncing back and forth between Japan and a California Independent League. Karma, m*thaf*cka…

#19 – Curt Young: Won 65 games for the A's over parts of ten seasons (1983-1991, 1993) including three straight double-digit win campaigns from 1986-88. Unfortunately, Young had the misfortune of being the worst starter – by comparison – on some of the best A's teams in history. It's hard to look good when Dave Stewart, Bob Welch, Mike Moore and Scott Sanderson are flirting with 20 wins. Oh, and Young was on the mound for the first Angels/A's game m'boy Smitty and I attended in Anaheim. Our ongoing 20 years and counting tradition kicked off with a somnambulant loss.

#18 – Jim Mecir: In 4 ½ years in Oakland, Mecir put up some very respectable numbers. He recorded decent ERAs and a solid strikeouts-to-innings pitched ratio. So, perhaps it was only perception and not reality, but Mecir always seemed to be that reliever that would come into a game with the bases loaded just before yielding a three-run double and then getting out of the inning. One-third of an inning, technically zero runs allowed, A's lose. The fact that he played in mostly media-absent Oakland and was born with a serious (and oft-mentioned) case of club feet garnered him a long leash from criticism.

#17 – Ernie Riles/Vance Law: In the winter of 1991, our longtime third baseman – Carney Lansford – was seriously injured in a snowmobile accident. Earlier that offseason, the A's acquired utility man Ernest Riles from San Francisco (in exchange for all-field, no-hit CF Darren Lewis) and, in response to the loss of Lansford, Oakland signed former Cubs and Expos third baseman Vance Law, who'd spent the 1990 season in Japan. The idea was to form a platoon with the lefty Riles and righty Law. The result was so bad (Riles' OPS: .614, Law's OPS: .579) that Lansford was forced to come back months-too-early before shutting himself back down for the season after just five games. They were SO bad that we traded for the remains of erstwhile Indian Brook Jacoby…who was even worse (OPS: .532)!

#16 – Ariel Prieto: Todd Helton, Roy Halladay, Geoff Jenkins and Matt Morris. All four were picked after Prieto in the first round of the 1995 draft. We covered this ground before so I'll just say that those A's teams of the mid-1990s were the worst I've ever seen and Ariel Prieto was their poster boy.

#15 – Jay Howell: For anyone wondering who the A's regular closer was before Dennis Eckersley redefined the role in the late 1980s, here you go. For me, I'll remember Howell for three things: (1) Being part of the Yankees' package sent to Oakland in exchange for my all-time favorite player, Rickey Henderson, after the 1984 season. (2) Erasing two respectable seasons (1985-86) with an absolutely rotten 1987 in which he blew eight saves in 24 chances, put up an ERA of 5.89 and inexplicably made the All-Star team (the ASG was in Oakland, where he was booed like crazy during pre-game introductions AND got the loss!) (3) Getting a World Series ring with the Dodgers in 1988.

#14 – Nick Swisher: OK…Swisher actually was productive during his time in Oakland. His OPS in 2005-06 was .865 and .836, respectively. He popped as many as 35 home runs in a season and by 2007, he'd become the de facto face of the franchise. He also grew up in West Virginia. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but Swisher held on to his goofy redneck schtick a little too much for me. Remember, during the presidential campaign, how Sarah Palin and the GOP routinely bashed those of us who favor utensils and own a three-digit IQ? Well, ol' Nick and his Y2K Urban Cowboy persona represented the "real" America that embraces its backwoods ignorance. Watch out for the pimps and the C.H.U.D.s in New York, Cletus.

#13 – Ricardo Rincon: The A's acquired him from Cleveland for the stretch run in 2002. He recorded a 3.10 ERA in 20 games. In each of his three subsequent seasons, his innings pitched eroded to the point where he was being used exclusively against left-handed hitters and often for just one batter. Tony Fossas and Jesse Orosco pitched into their eighties with this gimmick, but Rincon never seemed to have the stomach for the role. Watching him break into a profuse sweat on the mound during Arctic-condition night games in Oakland was always worth the price of my MLB Extra Innings package.

#12 – Ruben Sierra: On August 31, 1992, the A's traded Jose Canseco to Texas in exchange for Sierra, Bobby Witt and Jeff Russell. Sierra promptly missed a week with chicken pox. In roughly four seasons in Oakland, Sierra never lived up to the oversized expectations brought on by what would be his career year in 1989 at the age of 23 (.306/.347/.543). And, speaking of oversized, Sierra famously came to Spring Training in 1993 with a new, grotesquely muscular physique that was then credited to a "strenuous workout regimen". Ironically, the juice sapped him of what little natural juice he had left in his bat and Sierra was finished as an everyday player by the time the A's traded him to the Yankees for the esteemed Danny Tartabull.

#11 – Storm Davis: In 1988 and 1989, Davis won 16 and 19 games, respectively. Back then, the only pitching stats that anyone cared about were wins and losses. Still, even to my friends and fellow A's fans, something didn't seem quite right. Davis was averaging less than six innings per start, while the offense seemed to show up en masse each and every time he pitched. Good pitcher or exceptionally good fortune? Davis had a solid, but unspectacular start in the 1988 ALCS versus Roger Clemens in Game #2. In his next three postseason appearances, his ERA was 9.44. He sealed his fate with the team and his place on this list when he publicly barked at having his '89 World Series start skipped after the games came back from the 10-day earthquake delay.

Next: The Top 10!

Adventures in Awful Advertising: The "Nuggnuts" Ad Campaign

In December 1997, I earned a Bachelor's Degree in marketing from San Diego State University. Immediately after college, I spent seven weeks working in sales for a software company. Truth be told, after two days, I knew that sales weren't for me and all the real advertising jobs were in San Francisco, Chicago and New York. So, it's time to see if 10 years have dulled the skills that I once applied. For 48 hours. 10 years ago.

Synopsis: Last month, McDonald's embarked on an odd ad blitz centered on their ubiquitous Chicken McNuggets product. 2008 marks the 25th anniversary of their original release and to celebrate, McDonald's is creating a new word. And, a lazy Facebook page. Oh, and a tagline that may or may not have been lifted from Mad Men.

Target Audience: This marks the first time I can remember McDonald's actively pushing Chicken McNuggets towards the 18-34 demographic. Back in 1983, McNuggets were targeted towards kids and their Chevrolet Caprice-driving parents. A generation later, we're watching an attempt to play into those sepia-toned adolescent memories of fried foods and barbecue sauce. "Remember McNuggets? They're still here and they're STILL fun!"

Three Reasons Why it Won't Work: (1) "Nuggnuts" is just a stupid, stupid word. Are you telling me that not ONE participant from the dozens of McDonald's-commissioned "Nuggnuts" focus groups said, "It kinda sounds like numbnuts"? I'm reminded of that Simpsons episode where Homer's running through potential schoolyard insults for his as-yet unborn and unnamed son ("…cart, dart, eee-art…Nope, can't see any problem with that!").

(2) No one has figured out the internet. Put it this way…when the origins of your ad campaign are tied to a 45-second YouTube phenomenon, it might be time to admit you're out of ideas. Nearly two million page views of two rapping tools is simply not indicative of burgeoning brand loyalty. Who makes up the audience? How many of them already eat at McDonald's? How many don't? What's their household income? Do they have kids? Are they kids? More than a decade since the internet explosion, we still don't know with any degree of certainty who's out there. Well, besides "everyone".

(3) Too many mixed messages. So, there's this fast food company out there that raked in $23 billion in worldwide revenues last year. Its mascot once famously scored 96% recognition with grade-school aged kids (second behind Santa Claus). Yet, McDonald's is positioning Chicken McNuggets as part of an ersatz underground campaign dressed up and dumbed down as some sort of "movement"? All that's missing are the creepy George Orwellian black shirts with a single cryptic message scrawled across the front for all of us to wear. But, apparently they'll be available on December 31. Of course.

TBG's Friend Eats: Spain

Over the summer, Jeff Fernandez passed along his gastrointestinal report from Israel. It was such a fun read that he offered up another one from his recent trip to Spain.

The people of Madrid (madrileños, as they refer to themselves) have an eating regimen that's unlike anything I've ever experienced. They eat a breakfast just like most others, but take a two-hour lunch period in mid-late afternoon (during which time almost everything in town closes down) and then proceed to snack throughout the evening and finally eat dinner around 10pm or later.

Of the Spanish raciones that I tried, I think my favorite was either the gambas al ajillo or the gambas a la plancha. Both are shrimp, though they're served in completely different ways. The former is a shallow ceramic bowl filled with small shrimp (think popcorn shrimp-size), sliced garlic, some dried red peppers and olive oil and then cooked over an open flame until it boils. The bowl is then served to the patron with a side of bread for soaking up the olive oil. This fucking kicked ass, seriously. I ate it at least six or seven times throughout the course of five days. The other shrimp dish is much simpler, but it's not for the squeamish. It's a platter of six to eight shrimp grilled with salt and olive oil, though once cooked, they're served alone on a plate with the heads, legs and shells still intact. You pull all of that stuff off, but not before sucking the juices out of the head. It sounds disgusting, but it's a sweet salty treat that may very well be the cure for cancer. I ate this quite a few times as well.

The lomo embuchado, a cured pork loin sliced and grilled, was delicious when served with a fried egg and some tuna salad on the side. Tuna salad here still has mayo, but that's about where the similarity ends. The concoction also boasts diced potatoes (not unlike in potato salad), green olives, carrots and sometimes peas and other vegetables.

I was a bit disappointed by the chorizo, which is one of my favorite foods when served in its Mexican-style incarnation. The Spanish version, which no doubt is the original, is served more like a hot link or Italian sausage, and tastes a lot more similar. The Spanish don't really eat a lot of spicy food, and this is about as spicy as it gets, though it doesn't really hold a candle to the spicy Mexican chorizo available in North America.

Speaking of things that differ from the Mexican variation, the tortilla española isn't even close to what you probably think it is. It is neither used to make tacos or low-carb substitute submarine sandwiches. Here, a tortilla is essentially a thick, pizza-sized omelet made with potatoes (patatas) and then sliced into smaller portions. It's a popular breakfast item, as it soaks up alcohol very well.

But the gastronomic pride of Spain is undoubtedly jamón iberico, a type of ham made from the Black Iberian Pig, which resembles Italian prosciutto. The most expensive type is made from pigs that were exclusively fed acorns, while lower grades were also able to eat hazelnuts and other similar things. I had previously seen Andrew Zimmern eating this on an episode of Bizarre Foods, where he said that one can taste the acorns in the fat of the ham. This is very true. It has a rich, earthy taste (and is plenty greasy and salty), so for those of you who cut the fat off of your meat, you probably won't dig it as much, as the fat does come with the territory. It was good, but not something for which I would pay $80/pound again. The locals eat it by the slice, and also serve it in everything from sandwiches to atop small pieces of bread or crackers as a snack. You can tell that a place serves it by looking see if they have a pig leg (with hoof still intact) either hanging in the window or sitting on a serrano stand inside.

The McDonald's I visited was just across the street from the busy Gran Vía subway station. This is just about a five-minute walk from Puerta del Sol, and another five minutes from the Plaza Mayor, both of which are huge tourist destinations (the latter is probably number one), so it's always going whether it's three in the afternoon or three in the morning. (On the other side of the street from the McDonald's, if you go south on Calle de la Montera about 200 feet, you've got a load of street prostitutes and sex shops, if that's your thing. Just saying.)

[If you want to see the actual menu items, click on the "Que Me Tomo Hoy" on the McDonald's home page. - TBG]

El Mac
I didn't have it, but it's all over the place. It's a large, elliptical-shaped beef patty nestled in a ciabatta bun with lettuce, tomato and a slice of Swiss cheese. It looked good, but it was nothing exotic enough for me to go with, as they had even better things on the menu...

CBO
CBO stands for "Chicken, Bacon, Onions"... yes, they're going with the full-on English experience here, and this is quite possibly the greatest thing that I've ever tasted at a McDonald's anywhere—better than the McCountry, better than the McKebbab and even better than the limited-edition Beef Wennington (available for a limited time in Chicago in the '90s to commemorate the Chicago Bulls' end-of-the-bench center). It's about the size of the larger chicken sandwiches available at American outlets, except along with the crispy chicken breast filet comes a few slices of bacon, crispy onion strings, lettuce, cheese, tomato and what tastes sort of like a thousand-island-type sauce, except it's white. Top it all off with square-shaped, ciabatta-type sesame-seed bun and we have ourselves one of the greatest things to ever be offered at the Golden Arches. Oh yeah... and the bun also has real bacon bits on it. Better book that flight now before prices go up again.

Capricho Francés and Capricho Italiano
Capricho literally means "fancy," though in this case I reckon it's meant to be taken more as "deluxe," as in "French (or Italian) Deluxe" sandwich. I think we all remember how that went for McDonald's the last time around, but these sandwiches are better than anything from the ill-fated Arch Deluxe line. Being as I am glutton, and I wasn't sure when or if I'd be back again before I left the country, I ordered both the Capricho Francés and the Capricho Italiano. The former is a regular-sized burger patty on a ciabatta bun with lettuce, tomato and honey dijon mustard. I can't recall if it had cheese, too, but the Italiano is leaps and bounds above it in either case. It isn't just a different type of burger; it's a chicken sandwich, and quite possibly the best chicken sandwich I've ever eaten at a McDonald's. It's about the size of a McChicken, but the patty is garnished with lettuce, tomato and two (count 'em... TWO) different sauces—a zesty marinara-type sauce and a creamy tzadziki-type sauce. To make things even better, it's on split-top bun dusted with a mix of zesty Italiano herbs, with oregano being the only one that I can identify by name.

I didn't eat at Burger King, because they didn't seem to have anything that I couldn't get back at home (although if you were upset when they discontinued the Big King, they do still have that). What did, however, catch my attention was their version of the Original Chicken Sandwich. Much like the Burger Kings here, they've got the Tendercrisp, as well as the classic, long chicken-patty sandwich, which they've so aptly named... Long Chicken. I shit you not. I'm quite certain that every English-speaking person that's happened to pass by has had a laugh at the expense of Burger King over this. Seeing as it's also called that Germany and the Netherlands, both of which are home to a large amount of English speakers, they seem to be having a bit of fun with it.

The Negro Elite Recommends…

I know that a link to fivethirtyeight.com is located just to the right of what you're reading right now, but in this post-election political talk burnout that most of us are suffering from, it's worth yet another post.

They've got a fascinating take on Saxby Chambliss's win in the Georgia Senate runoff earlier this week, specifically on how it may serve as a template in 2010 for Republicans. I'm not sure I agree with every point (personally, I think the predictable fall-off of Black voters AND the voters' concern of a potential 60-seat Democratic Senate AND the Sarah Palin cameos throughout the state were all downplayed a little too much by the esteemed Mr. Silver), but it's still a great read.

TBG's 2008 NFL Pickin' - Week #14

Oakland at San Diego
Aaron: Way to sell the merits of your exciting Thursday night schedule, NFL Network! This - this - is the biggest game of the season for the Chargers and their miserable fan base, so let the trash talk and victory parade commence at game's end. I'll still have three more weeks to watch Tomlinson sitting dejectedly on the bench by himself with that ridiculous shaded helmet hiding his classy, classy tears. Ass. Pick: San Diego

Joe: Wait, wait, wait. I thought I was supposed to be the bitter hometown fan while YOU were the snarky, detached cool guy. We really should clear this up before we pick the Sunday games. Pick: San Diego

Washington at Baltimore
Aaron: Clinton Portis has been playing injured all season. He's currently being held together with Scotch Tape and twine and may explode on contact with the Ravens' defense. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: I'm starting to become a believer in this Ravens team. HA! Y'all are fucked now, Baltimore fans! Pick: Baltimore

Cleveland at Tennessee
Aaron: How did LenDale White get away with publicly griping about his lack of involvement in the team's offense, then get rewarded with 500 carries in the very next game? Oh, LenDale White. I see. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: So is this Ken Dorsey for the Browns the QB from Miami? I wonder how his arrogant cries of "The U!" will sound from four feet deep in Tennessee's Former Adelphia Coliseum. Pick: Tennessee

Philadelphia at N.Y. Giants
Aaron: A year from now, when Donovan McNabb is finishing up his first season in Chicago or Minnesota, he'll look especially awful in a late-season game in bad weather. This is the prequel. Pick: NY Giants

Joe: I put the over/under on high-handed Plaxico Burress lectures by the FOX crew (please be Joe Buck, please be Joe Buck!) at 99, while the over/under on tasteless jokes about sweatpants and the "shotgun" formation that show a sense of humor about the whole situation is at 2. Take the under on the latter. Pick: NY Giants

Atlanta at New Orleans
Aaron: Let's see... in this week's ESPN Magazine: (1) Matt Ryan is on the cover. (2) Kim Kardashian offers advice on "How to be an NFL Girlfriend". Stay relevant, Saints. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: I should know the answer to this, but it's escaping me: what was the genesis of your irrational Saints hatred again? Not that it's not totally amusing, I'm just curious. Pick: New Orleans

Cincinnati at Indianapolis
Aaron: The Colts have a soft December schedule and look like a team that suckers us all into thinking they'll go farther than the second round of the playoffs. Quit copying the 2006-07 Chargers, Indy. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: It's kind of bizarre to see the Bengals play for next year when, by all indications, they're gonna suck like crazy next year too. Pick: Indianapolis

Houston at Green Bay
Aaron: The Packers are playing for their season each week and got punched in the mouth at home last week. Green Bay will make orphans out of a few Texans' kids. ("Yes, but I imagine their mothers will die of grief.") Pick: Green Bay

Joe: They've been playing for their season for the past two weeks, and they've given up 86 points in that span. With Matt Schaub back under center at Houston, they have cause to be worried. Still, they're at home. Pick: Green Bay

Minnesota at Detroit
Aaron: On the bright side, the Lions would have to be the favorites versus inter-city "whose year's been sh*ttier?" rivals Kwame Kilpatrick and the American auto industry. Pick: Minnesota

Joe: If those two fat Williamses were still suspended, I was all set to pick the Lions to get their first win of the season. Probably not now. Pick: Minnesota

Jacksonville at Chicago
Aaron: That whole "team travels three time zones" storyline gained traction earlier this year, but for my money, it doesn't get any lazier than the ol' "warm weather team plays in cold weather" chestnut. Pick: Chicago

Joe: After the Jaguars basically played at half-speed last week on national television, I wonder if there's a gambler in the country who would put their money on them now. Pick: Chicago

N.Y. Jets at San Francisco
Aaron: I dunno. Favre and the Jets are travelling across three time zones here. Three! And, that was quite the generic storyline earlier this year. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: Yeah, but they're traveling the good way across the country. The way that energizes you and puts you three whole hours AHEAD of everyone else. Kind of like how I'm three hours ahead of -- and thus better than -- you at any given time. Pick: NY Jets

Kansas City at Denver
Aaron: A win by Denver gives the AFC West to the Broncos, so there's that for motivation. On an unrelated note, I'm playing Cutler over Romo in my money league this week, so there's that for picking KC. Pick: Denver

Joe: I wonder if a team has ever been a 20-point underdog at home in the playoffs like Denver's destined to be. Joe Flacco, this team's defense is our eventual Christmas gift to you! Pick: Denver

Miami at Buffalo
Aaron: We do love us some Bill Simmons bashing here at "Aaron and Joe's Cavalcade of Whimsy" and sometimes he really deserves it. In his Friday column, he points to the relocation of this game from Western NY to Toronto as being an advantage for the Bills! And, he uses the Toronto fans as his explanation! He does know the roof's going to be closed, right? No? Jerk. Pick: Miami

Joe: Bill can get back to me in the middle of the first quarter, after the third massive "GO LEAFS GO!" chant. Assholes. Pick: Miami

Dallas at Pittsburgh
Aaron: Just to recap...no running back for the Cowboys means the Steelers ferocious defense can focus on pressuring Dallas QB Tony Nine Fingers and his gag-in-the-big-game gaggle of receivers. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: You know, I stopped touting the Steelers as a Super Bowl-caliber team when I stopped believing in their offense ('round about that Eagles game). But now I'm wondering if they have a chance to be that kind of defense-first AFC champion that all the Tennessee dick-suckers are saying the Titans can be. Pick: Pittsburgh

St. Louis at Arizona
Aaron: Looks like a Certain Someone's been forsaking Kurt Warner these last few weeks! Thankfully, "He only gives us challenges that He knows we can conquer" - Rams Suck 3:16 Pick: Arizona

Joe: I'm still trying to figure out what to get Anquan Boldin this Christmas for saving my fantasy season. You think diamonds would be too forward? Pick: Arizona

New England at Seattle
Aaron: Matt Cassel is going to turn a few huge games versus some terrible opponents into a ginormous free agent contract this offseason. If he's smart, he'll pick San Francisco, just so he'll get to play Seattle twice next year. Pick: New England

Joe: Plus all those fantastic rainy Christmases! Pick: New England

Tampa Bay at Carolina
Aaron: "Jake Delhomme versus even a passable defense" trumps "Jake Delhomme at home". Every time. Pick: Tampa Bay

Joe: The Bucs defense are going to, by and large, shut down the Panthers offense. En route to a 13-7 loss. Pick: Carolina

The Sure-Thing Suicide Spread
Aaron: Tampa Bay (+3) at Carolina
Joe: Minnesota at Detroit (+10)

My Sunday with My Son

Last Saturday, I navigated the 90-some miles from San Diego to Long Beach – my old hometown. Despite giving her tacit approval weeks in advance, Mrs. Bootleg seemed none too pleased when I hit the road around 11:00 AM. In response, I opted to give my wife some Jalen-free time on Sunday.

8:00 AM - Mrs. Bootleg has been complaining all weekend, off and on, about a headache she couldn't shake. But, in 30 minutes she's supposed to meet "the girls" for breakfast. What a shock…she's strong enough to make the drive for waffles and home fries. Keep this in mind when she returns home…

9:00 AM - Dipping into TBG's debauchery fund, I lay some real money on the Falcons (vs. San Diego) plus 4 ½ points. Absolutely, the most ill-informed spread of the season.

10:00 AM - I'm sitting on the couch, self-lobotomized by a kid-friendly DVD of this when Mrs. Bootleg returns. She plops down next to me and exaggeratedly rubs her left temple and eye socket. Which sympathy card will she play? Migraine? Sinus headache? Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan ear canal critter? Regardless, given the choice between a day with my uncontrollable son or one with him AND my wife…

11:00 AM - My son and I steal the wife's SUV. Our first stop is Wal-Mart. I don't know why, but I always feel better about myself after spending 10 minutes amongst the typical Wal-Mart customers. I'm not sure if it's my gainful employment, the college degree or the simple act of occasionally brushing my teeth. Probably all of the above.

11:30 AM - I've purchased a toy (Autobot Jazz!) for the Toys for Tots donation box outside Wal-Mart, currently being guarded by two 18-year-old Marines in full dress blues. I'd criticize their never-ending retail occupation of this territory, but maybe if we'd stationed a few at the Wal-Mart in Long Island on Black Friday '08… (Also, anyone know the over/under on how many times the words "thugs", "animals" and "savages" would've been used if that trampling occurred at a Wal-Mart in "the bad part of town"?)

Before I forget, here's how Jalen translated my explanation of the Toys for Tots purchase to the cashier: "We bought this for the poor people." Then, in the next beat, he tells her: "We bought this because it doesn't cost a lot of money." Jesus.

12:00 PM - We're now at Old Poway Park and onboard the replica steam engine that loops around the acreage a couple of times. I remember liking trains when I was Jalen's age, too. Then, in 2000, Girlfriend Bootleg and I took Amtrak from San Diego to Santa Barbara for my boy JP's wedding. In the pantheon of filth, rubbish and refuse there's public beach restrooms, Qualcomm Stadium restrooms when the Chargers host the Raiders and Amtrak restrooms at the end of a six-hour ride. We'll leave it at that.

12:30 PM - I ask Jalen where he wants to go for lunch and he offers up "Old McDonald's". Not as awesome as his "Hamburger King" misnomer, but it's worth a few points on the ol' anecdote scale. I decide on The Hamburger Factory, instead. It's right next to the train, has a couple of antique picture tube TVs and we've walked in just as the Browns are driving with a three point lead in the fourth quarter vs. Indy! Eat it, Joe Reid!

12:45 PM - I've ordered a "schooner" of Karl Strauss Amber Lager, which dictionary.reference.com defines as "a very tall glass, as for beer". What I get is a pimp goblet that could've held 80 ounces of malt liquor. For the next 30 minutes, all the customers who walk past en route to their tables gawk and offer up unsolicited, unfunny commentary like "hope your kid is driving" and "got enough beer there?" One woman even huffs, "Oh, that's just too much" to her teenaged son.

12:50 PM - The Colts have just returned a fumble for a touchdown to take the lead, 10-6.

12:55 PM - Browns' QB Derek Anderson is injured, so Cleveland is left with their 3rd string QB Ken Dorsey. He promptly lofts two or three pieces of wobbly, wind-swept trash to no receivers in particular sealing the deal for Indy. Eat it, Aaron Cameron.

1:00 PM - I've ordered a giant strawberry shake with our lunch. It comes with whipped cream, which Jalen apparently doesn't like. I tell him it's "vanilla syrup". He believes me. Wow. And – just to expedite the inevitable – if any future exiled Nigerian princes are reading this, save your fraudulent emails. Jalen keeps his piggy bank on the dresser by his bed. Help yourselves.

1:15 PM - We're at the park, which is adjacent to the train, the restaurant and the homes of several people who really should kill their realtors. Jalen meets a little Hispanic girl who doesn't speak English. They're still able to erase their communication and ethnic boundaries, playing for nearly ½ an hour in a scene that could foster harmony between the Blacks and the Browns for generations to come.

1:45 PM - It's 80 degrees and I'm in a long-sleeve shirt, as the temperature has jumped from the 65 it was when we left the house. Playtime's over.

2:00 PM - That two gallon jug of suds has negotiated an untimely exit strategy with my urethra. I pull into a Target in the hope that Jalen and I can just use the restroom and be on our way.

2:30 PM - Half an hour after peeing, we're still s-l-o-w-l-y roaming the toy aisle.

3:00 PM - We're finally back home. The Falcons are nursing a precarious lead over the Chargers. The isolated shots of LaDanian Tomlinson's sullen, solitary presence on the bench would increase over the next hour.

4:00 PM - Falcons win! Aaron wins! Gambling…f*ck, yeah!

5:00 PM - Mrs. Bootleg wraps up her hour-long "You can't be gambling in this economy" dissertation. Good to be home.

Proving just how small the blogosphere really is, m'man Tom Daniels put up a similar Wal-Mart highlighted Thanksgiving weekend diary, but with an upstate New York flavor.