Sunday, October 16, 2011

2011 NFL Pickery -- Week #6

Last Week

Aaron: 10-3
Joe: 8-5

Current Standings

Aaron: 52-25
Joe: 45-32

Carolina at Atlanta

Aaron: Based on ten years of hard evidence, here's what we know about black quarterbacks who play in Atlanta: first they blow up (in the "urban dictionary" hippity-hoppity sense) like Michael Vick from 2001-06 and then they blow up (in the more traditional figurative sense) like Michael Vick in the summer of 2007. And, assuming this theory applies to black quarterbacks from visiting teams… Pick: Carolina

Joe: Carolina's the hot upset pick this week, but on the road against a team that's managed to somehow deservedly get an undeserved reputation for being crappy, I think Cam Newton ends up falling short again. Pick: Atlanta

Indianapolis at Cincinnati

Aaron: I hope self-exiled Bengals QB Carson Palmer waits a few more weeks to lift his media silence. With the Colts and Seahawks on the horizon, the Bengals could be 5-2 very soon. From there, they have Tennessee, Pittsburgh, Baltimore, Pittsburgh and Houston over five of the following six weeks. Along the same lines, I hope Palmer's only public statement is "See?!" Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: Well, the Painter-to-Garcon dynasty looked pretty great last week even if the defense couldn't stop Dwayne Bowe from catching touchdowns with his shoelaces. They're on the verge of getting that first big W, but Cincy still has my prison-loyalty from a few weeks ago, so ... Pick: Cincinnati

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh

Aaron: The Steelers' remaining schedule is dotted with just enough cupcakes to mask their obvious decline and possibly ensure at least one home playoff game in January. If this happens, I hope the rest of you will join me in betting the entirety of your child's college fund against Pittsburgh. It'll be free money, yo. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: Look, I'm not going to pretend that Ben Roethlisberger's five touchdowns weren't much-appreciated last week, but it did smack of getting all their offensive output out of their system in one game. They won't need nearly that much to beat the Jags, but I bet this one is ugly and closer than it should be. Pick: Pittsburgh

Buffalo at New York Giants

Aaron: If I lived in New York and had even a modicum of tolerance for sports-talk radio, I would've loved to have listened to the aftermath of the Giants' inexplicable home loss to Seattle. I might have to look into which NYC broadcasts I can stream this week. Pick: Buffalo

Joe: There's almost no way I'm not going to regret what I'm about to type, but: watching the Bills win over Philly last week, I really felt like I was watching a tide turning. It's not like the Bills haven't had hot streaks in recent years (4-of-5 in 2006, 6-of-8 in 2007, 5-1 to start the 2008 season), but especially on offense, this doesn't feel like a mediocre team riding a wave of good fortune. This is a good, confident team. It'd be nice if the defense could stop a drive in the second half without getting a turnover, though. That would be great. Anyway, I'm just happy that they've reached a point where I don't have to pick against them for fear of bad juju. Pick: Buffalo

San Francisco at Detroit

Aaron: Based solely on combined winning percentage, this is pretty much your "game of the week", America. And, be honest...could you name five Detroit Lions even if I spotted you QB Matthew Stafford, RB Jahvid Best, WR Calvin Johnson and DE Ndamukong Suh? HEY...without looking it up! Pick: Detroit

Joe: TE Brandon Pettigrew, suckaaaa! It's kind of cool that the rise of the 49ers to 4-1 has pushed Detroit out of the "For real or pretenders?" circle (along with the Bills) and into a realm where everybody just takes it as given that they're good. ...Which IS the case, make no mistake. Niners coming down to Earth in a hurry this week. Pick: Detroit

St. Louis at Green Bay

Aaron: I love that this State Farm
insurance commercial with Packers QB Aaron Rodgers celebrates what might be the worst touchdown dance in NFL history. Your 25-year reign of terror is over, Ickey Shuffle. Pick: Green Bay

Joe: When you're scoring as many touchdowns as Aaron Rodgers is, he can celebrate however he wants to. As I'm sure he will this week. Pick: Green Bay

Philadelphia at Washington

Aaron: A few weeks ago, Sports Illustrated published a piece on Philadelphia sports fans and how their long-standing image as belligerent mouth-breathers had been soften by the success of the Phillies. I would welcome a follow-up article on this subject. Pick: Washington

Joe: Ugh. I hate picking the Redskins in this game. I hate picking the Redskins in any game. Are they really the favorites in the NFC East without ONE offensive player who strikes anything approaching fear in the hearts of opponents? Maybe the anything-goes nature of these intra-divisional games is what Philly needs to snap themselves out of whatever is wrong with them? Pick: Philadelphia

Cleveland at Oakland

Aaron: For the first time ever, my seven-year-old son has taken an interest in this lightly-read blog. He particularly enjoys these football picks. Last Sunday, after seeing that I had picked against our Raiders for the fifth consecutive week, Jalen bluntly remarked, "Why does Joe believe in the Raiders more than you?!" I had no retort. Pick: Oakland

Joe: THAT'S A REALLY GOOD QUESTION, JALEN. The should-win game is always a big test for an emerging team, but I just don't think the Browns have an answer for Darren McFadden. Pick: Oakland

Houston at Baltimore

Aaron: The Ravens are at home after a bye week. The Texans are on the road and will play without their best offensive player and their best defensive player. Sometimes hackneyed comedic bits aren't required to effectively pick football games, kids. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: Don't worry, Bill Simmons! With Joe Flacco on one side and Matt Schaub on the other, you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that one of them HAD to win. The improved Texans defense probably isn't as improved without Mario Williams, is my guess. Pick: Baltimore

New Orleans at Tampa Bay

Aaron: Trap game for the Saints? The Buccaneers aren't nearly as awful as they looked in a 45-point loss to San Francisco last week and they're playing at home. But, while the Saints have been unimpressive on defense, their offense continues to obliterate the opposition. And, if we've learned nothing else from video games, it's that it is possible to keep the ball forever...
and score. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: Trap game for the Saints! The Buccaneers aren't nearly as awful as they looked in a 45-point loss to San Francisco last week and they're playing at home. I have nothing else to day. Pick: Tampa Bay

Dallas at New England

Aaron: Arguably, the two most loathed NFL teams of my lifetime by the general public. This, of course, assumes that the general public doesn't have Tom Brady and Wes Welker on their money-league fantasy football team like I do. F*ck the haters, Patriots. Pick: New England

Joe: I don't think Dallas (nor Tony Romo) is as bad as people are cackling about. But they're not equipped to go into New England and win. Pick: New England

Minnesota at Chicago

Aaron: When Donovan McNabb played for the Eagles and Redskins, he won nearly 60% of his games against other NFC East opponents. I am of the belief that McNabb's intra-division statistics are going to take a hit this season. Pick: Chicago

Joe: I have a feeling the Bears are going to be one of those maddeningly hard to pin down 9-7 teams this season. They should be able to hold serve against the crappy Vikes, though. Pick: Chicago

Miami at New York Jets

Aaron: While searching for the name of Miami's current quarterback, I came across
the headline "Don't Underestimate Miami Dolphins QB Matt Moore". I'm going to take my chances on that one, y'all. Pick: NY Jets

Joe: I know the Jets haters are rubbing their hands gleefully at the thought that the off-puttingly beautiful Mark Sanchez and his boys could repeat last season's embarrassing loss to Miami. Those people should maybe get a grip. Pick: NY Jets


SHough610 said...

"A few weeks ago, Sports Illustrated published a piece on Philadelphia sports fans and how their long-standing image as belligerent mouth-breathers had been soften by the success of the Phillies. I would welcome a follow-up article on this subject"

1) It started getting better when they got rid of the Vet, but like all things print media is behind the curve. I got yelled at for swearing at Roger Clemens back in '06 while he was warming up.
2) I hope you appreciate the irony of an Oakland fan ragging on Philadelphia fans.

Aaron C. said...

Hey, now. I'm as tired of the "booing Santa" meme as anyone. It's a tired media crutch. But, that SI piece on the Phillies was one of the more manipulative puff pieces you'll ever read. Not ragging on the Eagles...just SI.

SHough610 said...

Oh lord, that SI piece was awful. I think I got diabetesand cancer from reading it. I love the Phillies, the Eagles, and the Flyers, but part of what makes Philadelphia a great sports city is that we don't have crap like that written about us.

Elena said...

Cam, if having Brady and Welker on your fantasy team means that one of you two brats is going to stop your usual festival of Pats-bashing? Sign them forever. Please. And add Danny Woodhead for good measure.

I know that Boston sports fans can be obnoxious - I have to take the subway with the little shits - but we're not all jerks. And at least our boys keep it on the field. Peyton 'King of the Shill' Manning could learn a thing or two.


Aaron C. said...

Hey, I *love* the Pats this year, Elena! And, as long as Brady and Welker can continue their productive professional relationship, I'm on the bandwagon.

Besides, if I had to rank the NFL teams I most loathe, it would go:

1.) Chargers
2.) Any team Bill Simmons roots for.
3.) Broncos

See? Not a New England to be found!

Elena said...

On behalf of New England, I thank you and offer you the following gem: *Very* not safe for work, but brilliant.