Sunday, October 30, 2011

NFL Pickery -- Week #8

Last Week

Joe: 12-1(!)
Aaron: 8-5

Current Standings

Aaron: 68-35
Joe: 68-35

Arizona at Baltimore

Aaron: Last Monday night, I chose the fifth game of the World Series over the unattractive match-up between the Jaguars and Ravens. When the Texas Rangers recorded the last out, I flipped over to ESPN and watched the final two minutes of Monday Night Football as the execrable Jags held on to upset the Ravens. Whew. Lucky I didn't have anything riding on that game. Right, Joe? Pick: Baltimore

Joe: A PERFECT WEEK OF PICKS, THAT'S ALL. I could not have been more smug about my prospects for perfection going into Monday night. I was more worried about New Orleans-Indy than I was about Baltimore beating goddamn Jacksonville. I may never forgive the Jaguars for that one (the Ravens either). Pick: Baltimore

Minnesota at Carolina

Aaron: When news broke last weekend regarding erstwhile Vikings starting QB Donovan McNabb and his mediocre work ethic, I realized there was STILL time to save his flickering career. I've watched enough movies to know that all he needs is a reason to care about football again. Perhaps he can be introduced to the daughter he never knew he had. Spoiler Alert! That worked for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in Disney's The Game Plan. Pick: Carolina

Joe: Well, Cam Newton and Team managed to do what they were supposed to do against Washington. It's the same deal here, although I'd be wary of how hard Minnesota fought against Green Bay. Carolina's defense is going to keep them from winning some winnable games down the stretch. Pick: Minnesota

Jacksonville at Houston

Aaron: If the Texans can get all-world WR Andre Johnson back on the field in the next week or two, this team could win 11 games. I know, I know...the experts have been predicting good seasons from Houston for years. And, all it took was a potentially career-ending neck injury to intra-divisional foe Peyton Manning for a Texans' playoff season to be realized. Hope you can sleep well at night, citizens of Houston. Pick: Houston

Joe: Grr. Tear 'em limb from limb, Wade Phillips-coached Texans defense. (See what my Jags hatred is making me root for??) Pick: Houston

Miami at N.Y. Giants

Aaron: I'm already sick of the "suck for (Andrew) Luck"
storyline and there's still two more months left in the regular season. The Dolphins aren't as inept as equally winless Indianapolis. Home dates against Washington in November and Oakland in December present the best opportunities for that elusive "W". But, wait...Miami isn't home this week! And, it's still October!!! Pick: NY Giants

Joe: TOTALLY co-signing the weariness at the easiest nonsense story in all of football. Miami is perfectly capable of being terrible without any added motivation. Pick: NY Giants

New Orleans at St. Louis

Aaron: The Rams have scored the fewest points in the NFL and allowed the second most. We're done here. Pick: New Orleans

Joe: I love that the Saints can hang 62 on the Colts and STILL have fantasy-football underperformers. They should be able to do what they want with the crappy Rams defense. Pick: New Orleans

Indianapolis at Tennessee

Aaron: I'd like to respectfully extend a fantasy middle finger to the Titans. Last week, I started QB Matt Hasselbeck in place of a bye-week'd Tom Brady. Combine that with my season-long drafting remorse over RB Chris Johnson and my fantasy team lost by, like, a kajillion points. Just watch...NOW both of them will show up. Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Are the Titans the most boring team in football this season? Oh, for the days of Albert Haynesworth curb-stompings and inexplicable mid-season Randy Moss signings! I want to say the Colts pull off the inexplicable upset here, but I think I'll save that for the rematch in Indy. Pick: Tennessee

Washington at Buffalo

Aaron: This Redskins team is kind of feisty on defense and 30-year-old career-long backup QB John Beck played quite solidly for almost three quarters on the road last week before his inevitable immolation. The Bills are rested and playing at home, but I still have a feeling that Joe's during-the-game Twitter feed will be a roller coaster of terrifying lows, dizzying highs and creamy middles. Pick: Buffalo

Joe: I made my own bed two weeks ago in talking about the faith I had in my football team and thus dooming them to come up short against the Giants (and in the process exposing our fatal flaw on offense – the inability to stretch opposing defenses with the deep ball). So don't mistake this for reverse-psychology: I am petrified of this game, not least because of the Bills' recent tendency to use the bye week not to get healthy but to remember that they're the Bills and should be losing games like this. Not to mention the Toronto factor, which is like playing inside your own burial plot. I hate these games where we're favored. Hate them. Pick: Buffalo

Detroit at Denver

Aaron: Am I the only one who finds the beating-a-dead-horse mocking of Tim Tebow's faith more than a little unseemly? During the first five minutes of his weekly "pick the spreads" podcast,'s Bill Simmons seemed to take way too much pleasure from picking the low-hanging fruit. Tebow will have a stadium full of fans who are 100% behind him this Sunday and he's facing a reeling Lions team. I'm looking forward to avoiding everyone's postgame commentary after this one. Pick: Denver

Joe: It's a difficult balance with Tebow mockery, because the second that stops, the mainstream hagiographies commence. Meanwhile, Kordell Stewart is kicking himself for not having the Christian hook when he was busy being a running back in a QB's body. This seems like a tricky game for all involved. Detroit's been on a serious slide, but at base they're still a better team than the Broncos. And if the Dolphins could almost beat them? Pick: Detroit

New England at Pittsburgh

Aaron: Speaking of Bill Simmons -- and, for me, beating a dead horse -- his expert, unbiased analysis for predicting a Patriots win here was that New England always beats Pittsburgh. Not because the Patriots are coming off of a bye week or because the Steelers have looked old and decrepit on defense...the Pats just always win the Steelers. Always. Pick: New England

Joe: The good thing about this Patriots team is that, despite the fact that they keep winning, they always look somewhat beatable. Pittsburgh's been playing well(ish) in recent weeks, but a possible shootout doesn't suit them. New England

Cleveland at San Francisco

Aaron: This 49ers team could conceivably finish 13-3, you guys. That would mean a first week playoff bye and possibly home field advantage throughout the postseason. Alex Smith could be the starting quarterback in a Super Bowl! Why isn't this getting more publicity and why isn't everyone else as terrified as I am?! Pick: San Francisco

Joe: Good thing for the Super Bowl-bound 49ers that they're cutting their teeth on quality opposition like the Browns, then. Pick: San Francisco

Cincinnati at Seattle

Aaron: If I learned nothing else after foolishly picking Seattle on the road last week in Cleveland, it's that I'd be better served by picking against every NFC West team (save for San Francisco) in every out-of-division game they play. Everything makes more sense with italics. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: Oh man. Picking counter to Cam in these Seattle games feels like a gimmick, but it's not. A 7-foot-tall escaped convict obsessed with destroying the Cobb County lawman who put him behind bars barz? THAT is a gimmick. Pick: Seattle

Dallas at Philadelphia

Aaron: Coming off of a bye week, you'd think the Eagles would be the healthier and more prepared team. But, the Cowboys looked good in a loss to New England two weeks ago, annihilated the sad-sack Rams last week and will probably have an effective enough defensive scheme crafted by their bat-sh*t insane defensive coordinator Rob Ryan. Over/under on NBC sideline shots of him during the game: 12.5. Pick: Dallas

Joe: If Demarco Murray turns out to be more than a one-week wonder at RB, the Cowboys might actually have balance on offense for the first time since Marion Barber saved my fantasy season in 2006. Tough to pick against the home teams in these NFC East battles, though. Pick: Philadelphia

San Diego at Kansas City

Aaron: It was the sports-talk apocalypse here in San Diego this week. The Chargers were done after their loss to the Jets. Head coach Norv Turner should be fired for his two-minute drill mismanagement. Even QB Philip Rivers was catching heat as fans wondered if he was the right guy to lead this team. Not mentioned: they're 4-2, TE Antonio Gates is back and they're much better than the Chiefs. (Don't tell the Chargers fans, though. I'm enjoying the local show of collective self-loathing!) Pick: San Diego

Joe: The Chiefs seem intent on putting up a fight this season, and a win here would officially put the West into upheaval, but the Chargers will be happy to deal with a defense that isn't the Jets this week. Pick: San Diego

1 comment:

Shough610 said...

1) I realized what I loathe about Tebow. You know how guys like Charles Barkley and Ron Artest are really endearing because you get the sense that there's no premeditation to what they say, they're blunt and just say what's on their minds (in Artest's case I think that he's just a genuinely good, highly emotional guy, I like to see Artest win because he seems to enjoy it so damn much)? That's the opposite with Tebow, he regurgitates canned cliches that sound like he's reading off of a cue card (or doing a Herman Cain commercial).

2) Simmons' most irritating point from his latest column was why Tom Brady was close to as good as Aaron Rodgers: Aaron Rodgers had two concussions last year and is one hit away from being out for the playoffs! Never mind that every quarterback is one hit away from being out for the playoffs.

3) Really, no mention of Andy Reid's high success rate after a bye week?