TBG Drinks: Taco Bell's New Frutista Freeze

My Current Weight: 178.0 lbs.

Through the marketing magic of a synergistic arrangement between Taco Bell and Time-Warner, last week's Sports Illustrated and Entertainment Weekly included coupons for a free "Frutista Freeze" drink at TB. And, since I had to buy something else to get the free Freeze, I figured I might as well cover both flavors for the price of one.

The Strawberry Freeze was indistinguishable from 7-11's ubiquitous Slurpee, if someone mixed it with a pound of pulverized ice. The not-quite-strawberry, not-quite-cherry artificial flavoring lent further credence to longstanding African-American claims that "red" is, in fact, a legitimate flavor. The Mango-Strawberry freeze was just awful. It reminded me of those toxically sweet, tooth-decaying bubble gum brands like Bubble Yum, Bubbilicious and Hubba Bubba – nowhere close to "mango", so let's sugar it up a bit!

Both drinks come topped with the kind of canned strawberry goo one would've found atop frozen yogurt during the great frozen yogurt fad of 1987. Historians surely remember it wedged between the Crocodile Dundee-inspired Australian fad of 1986 and the J.J. Fad fad of 1988.

These new menu items are fat free and check in at around 250 calories each. I can't imagine anyone ordering one with any of the ersatz Mexican food on their menu, though. And, really, who among us equates "refreshing" with this place?

Grade (Strawberry Freeze): 2 (out of 5)
Grade (Mango-Strawberry Freeze): 1 (out of 5)