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Last Week:
Tom: 13-3
Aaron: 11-5
Joe: 10-6
Overall:
Joe: 105-55
Aaron: 98-62
Tom: 97-63
New England at Detroit (Thursday)
Joe: One of my top podcast-related pleasures this week (aside from gabbing about G.I. Joe for 45 minutes) was hearing my friend and yours Bill Simmons get shouted down by one of the Football Outsiders eggheads about whether or not the concept of a "trap game" truly exists. Aaron Schatz, the FO guy, cited evidence and studies and statistics that stated that good teams facing a bad team in between two good opponents don't lose any more often than in other circumstances. Simmons, I believe, cited the evidence of "Nuh-uh!" and "Because it's a better story that way." I'm a man of reason, through and through. Still. I hope to god this is a trap game. Pick: Detroit
Aaron: I read reports that Patriots QB Tom Brady is listed as "questionable" for this game and nursing an injured foot. I can't help but think the NFL is actually in cahoots with the bookies they so publically abhor. "Trap game overtones plus a short week for the road team coming off an incredibly emotional game not enough for you, casual NFL gambler? What if I told you Brady's foot is sore? I mean, I can't say HOW sore it is, but check back at NFL.com or the sportsbook at the Wynn for more information." Thankfully, I'm still suffering from first and second degree burns after my seat on the Lions' September bandwagon went through the windshield in mid-September. Pick: New England
New Orleans at Dallas (Thursday)
Joe: I guess here's where we see if the Jason Garrett rejuvenation project has really taken hold or not. The Saints certainly seem to have righted a seriously shaky ship, and Dallas's offense let Detroit eat up large chunks of yardage before pulling away last week. I'm betting Drew Brees is even more efficient at that task than Shaun Hill. I know, right? Pick: New Orleans
Aaron: To paraphrase a certain skirt-wearing thespian, "Just when you think you know the answers, the NFL changes the questions." I don't know if the Saints' three consecutive wins over a terrible Panthers team, a slightly less terrible Seahawks team and a Steelers team that has looked beatable against decent competition constitutes "righting the ship". In fact, this game could be the proverbial coconut to the dome for New Orleans. Pick: Dallas
Cincinnati at N.Y. Jets (Thursday)
Joe: Lost in all the TO/Ocho/colossal choke-job against the Bills talk was that the one receiver on the field who was doing anything for Cincy in the second half was Jordan Shipley. Tiny, white, slot receiver that he is, I'll be shocked if he doesn't become the Wayne Chrebet to TOcho's Keyshawn Johnson as the season wears on. This offseason, remind me to create a pact with NFL GMs to keep the Patriots from signing him for next year. Pick: NY Jets
Joe: Aaron: I, for one, welcome the white man's renaissance amongst the NFL's non-QB offensive skill positions. And, I'd be saying that even IF the Browns' Peyton Hillis wasn't single-handedly keeping my money-league fantasy team on life support. Hillis isn't involved in this game, obviously, but for those of you who don't follow football, perhaps you remember him from his role in a recent summer blockbuster. Pick: NY Jets
Carolina at Cleveland
Aaron: Panthers' QB Jimmy Clausen will be the starter after missing a week with an injury. This franchise should just exhume the corpse of Kerry Collins and hand him the playbook. Fine...YOU try making one of those obscure references to a long-forgotten player when the franchise has only been around for 15 years. It's hard! Pick: Carolina
Joe: While we're on the subject of the short and brutal history of the quarterback position in Carolina, it should be noted that Jake Delhomme assumes the reins in Cleveland this week, with Colt McCoy injured and all other options having been exhausted. I know, I know, it's reminiscent of how attrition in the Oswald State Correctional facility left Morales in charge of the Latinos after the defection of Alvarez and the death of El Cid. I thought so too. Pick: Cleveland
Jacksonville at N.Y. Giants
Aaron: Back in week #17 of the 2001 NFL season, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers beat the Chicago Bears 15-0 at Soldier Field and broke a 21-game losing streak in games when the temperature was below 40 degrees at kickoff. Yes, this is/was a legitimate statistic. Let's see what the forecast is for East Rutherford, New Jersey on Sunday...sunny and 48 degrees?! And, the sun will be out? Pick: NY Giants
Joe: I hate you, Jacksonville Jaguars, and I hate your bullshit 6-4 record. Pick: NY Giants
Philadelphia at Chicago
Aaron: Eagles QB Michael Vick got roughed up pretty good in last week's win over the Giants. The Bears don't have the same ferocity on defense as The New New York Sack Exchange, but since Vick appeared on this week's cover of Sports Illustrated, he's sure to fall victim to the 53% infamous/47% irrelevant SI cover jinx. It's science. Pick: Chicago
Joe: Also science is that fact that Andy Reid-coached Eagles teams never seem to hold onto their "King of the Mountain" position for very long. But I'm betting on them stretching this goodwill out for one more week. Pick: Philadelphia
Pittsburgh at Buffalo
Aaron: Shout out to the New England Patriots for pissing off Pittsburgh two weeks ago. Last week, they bullied my Raiders for 75 consecutive minutes. (Yes, halftime included.) This week, the Bills are at home and I'm hoping they can be the proverbial big brother who gets Oakland's proverbial bike back. I...think I know how this story ends. Pick: Pittsburgh
Joe: Hey, I'm as happy as anyone that the Bills saved their most entertaining game and one real triumph of the year for when I was home for the holiday. But I'm not fool enough to think they can either penetrate Pittsburgh's defense or stop their offense. Pick: Pittsburgh
Green Bay at Atlanta
Aaron: The Packers have seemingly assumed the unofficial midseason title of "best team in the NFC". Did we agree to collectively ignore the fact that if the playoffs started today, the Falcons would be NFC's top seed? There's only one way to settle this. Pick: Green Bay
Joe: Trust me, I know I've made too much of the whole "good team at home, sketchy team on the road" thing with teams like Seattle and Arizona and Kansas City. But Atlanta plays in a DOME! Dome teams! Have vague benefits when playing within those domes! I'm sure of it! Pick: Atlanta
Tampa Bay at Baltimore
Aaron: Credit to the Bucs for playing well enough this season to give their fans hope for the future. Before 2010, the most newsworthy event in recent team memory was the obliteration of Chris Simms' spleen. But, Tampa Bay ain't ready to beat a top-tier defense on the road just yet. Pick: Baltimore
Joe: Can't say as I disagree with that, Cam. And kudos for expressing that thought without making it sound like the Bucs are committing an affront to the league by beating bad teams and losing to good teams. They're in the 65th percentile, ESPN's Trey Wingo, get off their ass about it. Pick: Baltimore
Tennessee at Houston
Aaron: The Titans are starting their third-string quarterback. On the road. Against the worst defense in the NFL. And, Titans' RB Chris Johnson -- near as I can tell -- hasn't been hit by a bus. Did I just talk myself into picking Tennessee? Nope. Pick: Houston
Joe: Yeah, for as bad as their defense has been, their offense has been good (great, even) enough to keep pace with teams with much better quarterbacks than Rod Rust or whoever the Titans are trotting out. Pick: Houston
Minnesota at Washington
Aaron: The Vikings haven't won a road game all season and we're approaching the part of the schedule where Brett Favre's assortment of arthritic appendages are exposed to the elements. Oh, stop. An "appendage" could be ANY body part or organ that is joined to the axis, or trunk, of a body. But, yes, I meant his d*ck. Pick: Washington
Joe: And are "The Elements" the Vikings' sideline dance squad? Finish your jokes, Cam! Pick: Washington
Kansas City at Seattle
Aaron: A fresh batch of "the NFC West is a bad division" storylines were written this week. All four teams lost by a combined score of 120-49, so that didn't help. But, Seattle remains one of the most underrated home field advantages in the NFL. And, hey, the Seahawks are at home! Pick: Seattle
Joe: I believe I renounced my "hot home team" shtick earlier in this column. It'd be hypocritical of me to go back on that now. It's a little thing I like to call "integrity." Pick: Kansas City
Miami at Oakland
Aaron: Yes, the Dolphins had 10 days to prepare, but the Raiders are equally well-rested after taking the last two weeks off. "But, didn't they play Pittsburgh last week?", you ask. "Yes", I answer. "Oh. [Pause.] OHHHH.", you say. Pick: Oakland
Joe: Both of these teams seem to have hit the wall on once-promising seasons. And now, as a callback to several paragraphs earlier, I will note that either one of these teams would take the NFC West title in a walk. Pick: Oakland
St. Louis at Denver
Aaron: The Broncos aren't just 3-7...they're a listless, disinterested 3-7 team. Still, I'll take them at home over a rookie quarterback who has yet to win on the road this season. This has the look of a pick that's gonna bite me in the ass, doesn't it? Pick: Denver
Joe: This has the uncomfortable feel of Cam baiting me into picking a shaky road team. But that road team is still my pick to win the NFC West. Pick: St. Louis
San Diego at Indianapolis
Aaron: My pick could change depending on the status of Chargers TE Antonio Gates, but for now, it appears that San Diego is making their annual sprint to the AFC West championship. They've played the Colts better than any opponent in recent years and those Indianapolis teams had Marvin Harrison, Dallas Clark and/or...ummm...wait, who the hell else has Peyton Manning been throwing to all these years? Pick: San Diego
Joe: That'd be Reggie Wayne, who actually is still there catching passes. The Colts are having a beleaguered letdown of a season, but they haven't slid enough to make me pick against them at home. Pick: Indianapolis
San Francisco at Arizona
Aaron: Have I made my annual, tired "looks like I'll be WILLINGLY working late" Monday Night Football dig this season? No? Well, here you go. Pick: San Francisco
Joe: Uch. Brutal. Can't Frank Gore and Larry Fitzgerald devise some kind of one-on-one skills competition so that the outcome will be decided by the only good players on the field? Pick: San Francisco
Back when I was writing my weekly music news column, I was sandwiched between Mathan Erhardt's More Reasons Why Being Deaf Sucks/Rocks on Thursdays and Jeff Fernandez's Saturday Swindle Sheet.
Jeff and Math are tremendously talented writers, but while Math continues to do his thang on the music and comic book beats, Jeff took a bit of a creative hiatus and moved from Chicago to San Antonio.
A-a-a-a-n-d, he's back!
Jeff's dipping his toes into the lightly-read blog waters with the debut of Lousy Reviews!
First up, Whataburger's NEW 5-3-1 Burger.
(Next: Taco Cabana's breakfast tacos, maybe?)
Gio Gonzalez -- (15-9, 3.23 ERA)
2010 Grade: A
The Good: Gonzalez enjoyed a breakthrough campaign in 2010. From 2008-09, Gonzalez threw a combined 132.2 innings with Oakland posting a 6.24 ERA, 1.704 WHIP and per nine inning rates of nearly 10 hits, 5.5 walks and 1.5 home runs. Last year, in just over 200 innings, his WHIP fell to 1.31 while his nine inning rates dropped to 7.7 hits, 4.1 walks and 0.7 home runs. Gonzalez got stronger as the season went along (his opponents' OPS was 70 points less in the second half). For the most part, he cut out the immature moments of petulance on the mound when he either wasn't getting calls or didn't have his best stuff. His curveball is the best pitch most of you have never seen.
The Not-So-Good: The tradeoff for some improved control was a drop in Gonzalez's strikeout rate. He was down to 7.7 per nine innings after a K/9 number of 9.0 in 2008 and 9.9 in 2009. Gonzalez remains susceptible to especially patient teams who'll lay off his curveball. He had a pair of unwatchable outings against the Yankees' unwatchable offense and a similar slog in one of his starts against the Red Sox.
Trevor Cahill -- (18-8, 2.97 ERA)
2010 Grade: B+
The Good: Bounced back from an inconsistent rookie season (10-13, 4.63 ERA) to become the youngest Oakland SP to win at least 18 games since Vida Blue won 21 in 1971. Cahill's groundball rate was a ridiculous 56% which gave the A's terrific infield defense numerous opportunities to record outs and eradicate rallies. There was a small, but not insignificant uptick in his fastball velocity from 2009 to 2010 and after inexplicably ignoring his curveball in 2009 -- which was considered a plus-pitch for him in the minors -- he threw it much more often in 2010 with effective results.
The Not-So-Good: There is a heated debate between casual fans and sabermetricians as to just how impressive Cahill's season really was. His strikeout rate improved, but remains unimpressive at 5.4 per nine innings. Stat-heads believe a lot of Cahill's success is attributable to his .238 BABIP -- the best in the big leagues and considered to be unsustainable by those who crunch the more esoteric statistics.
Dallas Braden -- (11-14, 3.50 ERA)
2010 Grade: B
The Good: In a season when our geographic rivals won the World Series (and did it with the kind of personality, long hair and poor hygiene that's been an Athletics gimmick for more than four decades), Braden's perfect game on Mother's Day remains an almost-satisfying consolation prize. It's been on my DVR ever since and the tearful postgame hug between Braden and his grandmother is carrying a DiMaggio-like streak of choking me up every time I watch it. Though victimized by poor run support, Braden started a career-high 30 games, reduced his walk rate to 2.0 per nine innings and tossed shutouts against 2010 playoff teams Tampa Bay and Texas. Say what you will about his demonstrative personality, it's made Braden the unquestioned leader of the callow Athletics rotation.
The Not-So-Good: Braden's pitching performance on May 9, 2010 covered up a LOT of nonsense. His contrived feud with Yankees 3B Alex Rodriguez over pitching mound etiquette was made more embarrassing when Braden took it upon himself to escalate the one-way war of words in a few subsequent interviews. Later in the season, when the A's used the dust-up to market ridiculous "Get Off My Mound" t-shirts, Braden climbed atop his pious high horse and washed his hands of the gasoline he used to fan the flames. His pedestrian strikeout rate (5.3 per nine innings) is in line with his last two seasons and while he gutted through numerous nagging injuries and ailments, Braden will always be at war with his own body.
Brett Anderson -- (7-6, 2.80 ERA)
2010 Grade: B
The Good: With the caveat that Anderson only pitched 112.1 innings in 2010, he was off to a solid start in April (2.35 ERA, zero home runs allowed in 23 innings) before missing almost all of the next three months with a forearm strain and elbow tendinitis. When he returned for good on July 30, he pitched 81.2 innings in his 13 starts through the end of the season and posted a 2.98 ERA. Anderson reduced his walk and home run rates per nine innings, while increasing his groundball rate and strikeout-to-walk ratio. He also knows how to crack them hoes like pistachios.
The Not-So-Good: Not long after the A's handed Anderson a four-year, $12.5 million contract (through 2013 with a pair of team options for 2014-15) the 22-year-old starter began breaking down. Most of the media speculation seemed to indicate that the A's were just being extra cautious with Anderson's injuries and that they weren't all that serious. Still, this is a team that's been notoriously injury-prone -- replacing their head trainer twice in the past four years -- so, it's anyone's guess regarding how many innings Anderson will give the team in 2011.
And, the rest... -- In his first start of the 2010 season, Vin Mazzaro threw a first-pitch, get-it-over cookie to the Rangers' Vladimir Guerrero with the bases loaded. Grand slam. In his last start of the season, Mazzaro gave up a home run on a 3-0 pitch. He finished with a 6-8 record and was traded to Kansas City (for OF David DeJesus -- whose .443 SLG would've led the A's last year...sigh) after the season. Justin Duchscherer made only five starts before hip surgery (again) ended his season. Since returning to the starting rotation in 2008, his velocity has steadily dropped to the low-to-mid 80s. I covered the Ben Sheets fiasco in January, then again in July. Here's hoping the A's beat writers can find a player on the team's 2011 roster to inexplicably defend.
Last Week:
Aaron: 10-4
Tom: 7-7
Joe: 5-9
Overall:
Joe: 95-49
Aaron: 87-57
Tom: 84-60
Chicago at Miami (Thursday Night)
Joe: Yes, I know Miami is down to its third-string QB, and while I actually think Tyler Thigpen is a fine stopgap for a team that doesn't exactly air it out like crazy, you'd still expect me to make the joke about the various antiquated Dolphins quarterbacks who will be plugged in behind center. I'm here to tell you that I am better than that. (...Scott Mitchell.) (Jay Fiedler.) (Ray Lucas.) (Brock Berlin.) (Almost.) Pick: Chicago
Aaron: I'm going to keep right on picking the home team in these antiquated and unnecessary Thursday night games until they're abolished by the NFL or until the Detroit Lions host their annual Thanksgiving Day disemboweling. Whichever comes first. Pick: Miami Detroit at Dallas
Aaron: I'm not saying the Cowboys WILL go from 2-7 to a seven or eight win season, but save for their two games still to play against Philadelphia, are there any Dallas opponents left that look like a guaranteed loss for the Cowboys? Home against the Saints on a short week? On the road against a very shaky Colts team? They might win seven or eight games! Pick: Dallas
Joe: This shouldn't be entirely surprising that the Cowboys got a second wind. A talented team worn down by several years of bad coaching gets rejuvenated by a shake-up. It's not something that will last, but if they can get some momentum while they're in this afterglow period, these kinds of things can snowball. Or they could foolishly overlook the Lions and get snaked right here. Which is kind of the 2010 Cowboys thing to do. Pick: Detroit
Arizona at Kansas City
Aaron: So, where does last week's postgame beef between Kansas City head coach Todd Haley and Denver head coach Josh McDaniels rank among the most insignificant feuds of the last 20 years? I've got it coming in just behind Rocky Balboa v. Tommy "The Machine" Gunn in Rocky V. Pick: Kansas City
Joe: ...But just ahead of Pumkin v. New York on Flavor of Love. Arizona's really settled into its groove as the dregs of the NFL. Pick: Kansas City
Green Bay at Minnesota
Aaron: In Brett Favre's defense, his 2010 season is still less embarrassing than every rapper who's over 40. "The Power" won, Chuck D. The Power won. Pick: Green Bay
Joe: Doesn't it seem like the road team is always winning in this rivalry? Except for earlier this year, of course. My point, though, is that Minnesota shouldn't expect too big of a home-field advantage. Pick: Green Bay
Baltimore at Carolina
Aaron: Two weeks ago, Brian St. Pierre was a stay-at-home dad with five career pass attempts over an eight-year NFL career that everyone thought was over. On Sunday, he'll be starting at quarterback for the Panthers. I hope Disney will at least wait a week before signing Dennis Quaid to play St. Pierre in the inevitable cinematic endeavor. Pick: Baltimore
Joe: Against any team with a realistic chance of winning, Baltimore's shockingly permissive defense would be the story. We'll wait for a week when they face an NFL offense. Pick: Baltimore
Cleveland at Jacksonville
Aaron: There were actually some NFL experts out there who excoriated Cleveland for not playing for the tie late in last week's overtime loss. For the tie?! Would the Browns still have been invited to a bowl game or would the 1955 Fighting Irish get the nod, instead? Pick: Cleveland
Joe: I'm going to look like an idiot if they lay an egg here, but if you're asking me to pick the six best AFC teams as they're playing right now, the Browns are at worst a tie for sixth. They're digging from too deep a hole right now to actually make the playoffs, but at the very least they're doing the world a service by distracting Cleveland fans from their unbecoming LeBron Rage Disorder. Pick: Cleveland
Oakland at Pittsburgh
Aaron: My Raiders are getting some national recognition just as everyone's jumping off the Steelers bandwagon. While Pittsburgh's offensive line is in shambles and the season-ending loss of DE Aaron Smith is huge, I just can't pick my team to beat a legitimate playoff contender on the road until they beat a legitimate playoff contender on the road. (Feel free to post this on the bulletin board in the visiting locker room, Raiders.) Pick: Pittsburgh
Joe: I'm inclined to agree with all that, Cam. That said, if I'm a Steelers fan, this game scares the crap out of me. Pick: Pittsburgh
Buffalo at Cincinnati
Aaron: Despite his disingenuous denials, I have no doubt that Joe was going with the "reverse jinx" theory when he picked against his hometown Bills last week. With Buffalo's first win out of the way, we can both go back to sincerely picking against them. Pick: Cincinnati
Joe: I'm not even sure a reverse jinx scenario benefits my poor beleaguered Bills right now. I'll say this: at the very least, the offense has made then a watchable team at least. Then again, when two heads of your three-headed dragon are named "Fred Jackson" and "Steve Johnson," marketing does become an issue. Watch out, "John Smith" of "State University." Our very, very, very early draft pick is looking at you! Pick: Cincinnati
Washington at Tennessee
Aaron: When Redskins head coach Mike Shanahan's lifeless body is found on the grounds of FedEx Field alongside a blood-covered can of Campbell's Chunky Soup and Donovan McNabb's mom nowhere to be found... Pick: Tennessee
Joe: What are the odds Randy Moss "defects" to the Redskins after this game, like Soviet winter Olympians of old? It's about the one missing element from Moss's human resources nightmare of a season. Pick: Tennessee
Houston at N.Y. Jets
Aaron: I love when any prognosticator offers up the "if this game was in [the home stadium of the visiting team]..." qualifier before cravenly picking the obvious favorite. Houston's defense is abysmal, but the Jets have let their last few opponents keep the score close on offense. The Texans move the ball well enough to put a scare into the home team. Boy, if this game was in Houston... Pick: NY Jets
Joe: So another Texans season bites the dust with a strong offense deep-sixed by a terrible defense. I can't decide whether their particular brand of near-miss frustration is better or worse than the Bills' decade of putridity. Pick: NY Jets
Atlanta at St. Louis
Aaron: Over the last six games, the Rams have alternated wins and losses...perfectly in sync with alternating home and road games. St. Louis lost last week on the road, therefore they can't lose! Pick: St. Louis
Joe: The Rams losing last week at the Niners really bummed me out. I guess they're another season away from an 8-8 division title. Pick: Atlanta
Tampa Bay at San Francisco
Aaron: The 49ers haven't scored more than 24 points in a game all season AND have only beaten one team with a winning record. Yes, it was the Raiders. No, they're not playing the Raiders this week. Pick: Tampa Bay
Joe: Much like the Bears, fate and the schedules have been kind to the Bucs at this crucial stage of the season where upstarts either continue to pad their records or get exposed as pretenders. Tampa's probably another season away from being an actual contender, but like I said, the schedule's being kind. Pick: Tampa Bay
Seattle at New Orleans
Aaron: Saints RB Reggie Bush returns! Oh, how New Orleans missed your 80 all-purpose yards per game. Pick: Cincinnati
Joe: Scoff if you must, but I trust this Saints team FAR more when they have that Bush option to turn to. Pick: New Orleans
Indianapolis at New England
Aaron: TBG reader Elena warned me. "Peyton's going to crash and burn this year, Cam". After a strong start, Peyton Manning's fantasy ju-ju dropped from "exceptional" to "solid" to "I'm THIS close to starting Kyle Orton over him this week". I'm trapped. I want to bench Manning, but I couldn't live with myself if he goes off. Suicide watch in 3, 2, 1... Pick: New England
Joe: New England's defense ought to be the cure for what ails Manning. As for the cure for what ails everybody Manning is supposed to give the ball to? Surgery, mostly. Pick: Indianapolis
N.Y. Giants at Philadelphia
Aaron: 45 points in the first half of last Monday Night's game, Michael Vick? And, in front of my six-year-old son? This'll be worse than the dog thing if you turn Jalen against baseball, you son of a bitch. Pick: Philadelphia
Joe: So the Giants learned a valuable lesson that no NFC East win is a gimmie. The Eagles learned that touchdowns are pretty easy to come by when the opposing team has taken the week off from tackling. Giants angry. Philly fans overconfident (when they should be petrified that the Giants' QB-killing ways could resurface here). Pick: NY Giants
Denver at San Diego
Aaron: The predictable road to 10-6 begins for the Chargers here. Want some free advice, Chargers fans? If you wait until the three-day Martin Luther King, Jr. weekend (or whenever your team is eliminated from the playoffs) you'll get a great deal on those "AFC West Champions" car flags y'all like so much. Pick: San Diego
Joe: Observe as Cam'ron's take on the Chargers exhibits the same combination of "ass-covering pessimism" and "naked hatred" that Joe generally points towards the Patriots. It's a strong defense posture -- low risk, high reward. Anyway, a classic "all our eggs in one basket" last-gasp win by the Broncos last week. San Diddy getting healthy (or healthier at least) at the right time. Division title within reach. Exactly the kind of game those damned Patriots would win. Pick: San Diego
Chicago at Miami (Thursday Night)
Joe: Yes, I know Miami is down to its third-string QB, and while I actually think Tyler Thigpen is a fine stopgap for a team that doesn't exactly air it out like crazy, you'd still expect me to make the joke about the various antiquated Dolphins quarterbacks who will be plugged in behind center. I'm here to tell you that I am better than that. (...Scott Mitchell.) (Jay Fiedler.) (Ray Lucas.) (Brock Berlin.) (Almost.) Pick: Chicago
Aaron: I'm going to keep right on picking the home team in these antiquated and unnecessary Thursday night games until they're abolished by the NFL or until the Detroit Lions host their annual Thanksgiving Day disemboweling. Whichever comes first. Pick: Miami
M'man Nick'a e-mails:
"The new Dr. Dre song is the same old piano loop sh*t...and quite awesome."
The new Dr. Dre song is called "Kush". Before the above e-mail, I hadn't heard it. Nick nailed the most notable feature, as Andre Young does love those piano keys. As for the "awesome"?
Yeah, I'd say that's spot-on.
The administrators at YouTube have been atypically authoritarian in taking down the unreleased song from their site, so I can't guarantee that the above link will work. If it doesn't, head on over and give one of the other illicit copies a listen.
Dre -- who's never been known for his lyricism -- is helped here by some overt ghostwriting. My guess is that Dre's recent reconciliation with former protégé The Game resulted in the first verse. The growling delivery when Dre spits, "Cross that line..." and the serpentine sentence structure are straight out of Game's playbook.
I can't say I've ever been a fan of Akon, but his hooks are usually solid -- particularly on party cuts -- and he's just here to give Dre a bit of a rub with the young'uns. Snoop Dogg, on the other hand, sounds better here than he has in ten years ("Still I am. Tighter than the pants on Will.i.am.") I'm not ready to forgive Tha D-O-double G for his last two or three albums, but his energy in the second verse is worth the return of some goodwill.
The bridge is little bittersweet for me, though, as the Nate Dogg sound-alike ("Hold up, wait a minute...") is an unpleasant reminder of the health woes that have befallen the genuine article.
Oddly, in an era where ANY album publicity within the music industry is an endangered species, Dr. Dre has gone on the offensive to tamp down discussions and expectations regarding his long-awaited Detox album. If "Kush" is the first single, I'm ready to put it towards the top half of the singles in Dr. Dre's catalog. And, since you didn't ask, here's the list without "Kush":
1.) Deep Cover -- The definitive west coast track. Instantly legitimized Snoop Dogg and the g-funk genre.
2.) California Love -- Originally slated for Dre's never-released Chronic II follow-up on Death Row Records. The addition of Tupac turned it into the label's biggest hit.
3.) Let Me Ride -- Love, love, love the beat. The remixes with extended Snoop verses are equally phenomenal.
4.) Still D.R.E. -- Famously ghostwritten by Jay-Z. Snoop's "sticky icky icky" throwaway line took on a life of its own.
5.) Nuthin' But A G-Thang -- Overplayed to death on all the old-school rap stations. Unquestionably one of the seminal songs of the 1990s.
6.) Keep Their Heads Ringin' -- I'm in the minority on this, but I've always dug this song. On the soundtrack of my life for the summer of 1995.
7.) Bad Intentions -- Dre's failed attempt to create a new Snoop Dogg. Knoc-turnal had a decent flow, but he always seemed overshadowed by the beats.
8.) Natural Born Killaz -- True story: I was once at a strip club where THIS was one of the songs played.
9.) Tha Next Episode -- The unreleased original version was better, but Nate Dogg's appearance at the end nearly saves this one.
10.) Forgot About Dre -- Mrs. Bootleg LOVES this track. For me, the Eminem hook got old quick.
11.) Dre Day -- The first Death Row Records diss track. It became the template for their over-the-top attack cuts in later years.
12.) Been There, Done That -- This song and this album never happened. Cool? Cool.
Sunday's Rankings (5, 3, 2, 1 scoring)
(1) American Dad! -- "Stan's Food Restaurant": This hasn't been the most entertaining start to a season for FOX's cartoon cavalcade of whimsy. But, Stan Smith and his family rallied big with two stories that were funnier than anything else that aired on Sunday night. The primary plot revolved around Stan and Roger as rival restaurateurs. The "exploding building/body parts" running gag actually worked while the assorted images of Stan and Roger's one-upmanship were effective, as well. The secondary story was about Stan's son Steve (increasingly written with a nod to Bud Bundy of Married…With Children infamy), a crazy nymphomaniac and a child's doll…that may have been alive. Of course, it wasn't. But, someone thought it was. Oh, shut up, it was funny. It was!
(2) Family Guy -- "Baby, You Knock Me Out": ESPN.com columnist Bill Simmons hasn't made me entirely numb to references from the Rocky series of movies. Lois Griffin's adventures in the boxing ring leaned heavily on the major plot points from Rocky III, but the pulverized visage of the color commentator and the image of Lois' comically-triangular nose breaking (in the same way one would dog-ear the page of a book) were nice – albeit grotesque – touches.
(3) The Cleveland Show -- "Little Man on Campus": We're just a handful of episodes into the new season, but this show is continuing its uneven comedic feel from a year ago. The supporting cast is easily the weakest of any show on FOX's Sunday night slate (in fact, save for Tim the bear and his wife, Arianna, I can never remember any of their names) so, an episode that focuses on one of Cleveland's drinking buddies isn't going to do much for me. And, it was a baseball episode! I was still underwhelmed! I did love the final scene with Donna's wet blanket reaction when Cleveland fessed up to his shenanigans.
(4) The Simpsons -- "Lisa Simpson, This Isn't Your Life": I really don't want to keep pointing out all the times The Simpsons seems to repeat previously-aired storylines. After 22 seasons – and an avalanche of fan criticism that's equal parts accurate and hackneyed – no one can reasonably expect every episode to be as fresh as it was 15 years ago. But, didn't Lisa already do the "new school" thing in The Secret War of Lisa Simpson? And, when Marge is shown to have taken on a second job to pay for Lisa's private school, was I the only one who thought of Homer working at the Kwik-E-Mart to pay off Lisa's pony? Hell, the whole point of this week's episode was that Lisa didn't want to be a Simpson. Come ON, writers!
Lines of the Night
"We're kids! Incorporated! Before your time. OUR time!" – The Cleveland Show
"Soup is NOT a meal, Vera!" – American Dad!
"You couldn't open a French whore's legs with a wheel of cheese!" -- American Dad!
Current Standings
Family Guy -- 17
The Cleveland Show -- 16
American Dad! -- 11
The Simpsons -- 10
