Sunday, October 10, 2010
2010 NFL Pickery -- Week #5
Last Week:
Joe: 11-3
Tom: 11-3
Aaron: 7-7
Overall:
Joe: 43-19
Tom: 37-25
Aaron: 34-28
N.Y. Giants at Houston
Aaron: A few plays before the Giants' swarming, suffocating defense knocked out Bears QB Jay Cutler last week, I turned to Mrs. Bootleg and remarked, "New York's D might kill someone tonight." After injuring Chicago's second-string QB Todd Collins, the Bears practically surrendered when their third-string QB (Caleb Hanie) threw short and over-the-middle on fourth and long late in a two-possession game. Perhaps having the Giants defense take the month of September off was a wise move, after all. Pick: NY Giants
Joe: Yeah, but Houston can run the ball where the Bears really couldn't. The Giants can win this game, but it's going to have to be with their offense. Pick: Houston
Jacksonville at Buffalo
Aaron: 15 years ago, my hometown of Los Angeles lost both the Rams and Raiders. With the removal of the near-weekly TV blackouts, LA fans were assured of an NFL doubleheader every Sunday afternoon. Remember that when you successfully persuade either the Jaguars or Bills to relocate by the end of this decade, LA. Pick: Buffalo
Joe: Meanwhile, I'm told this game will be blacked out in Buffalo, a relative rarity even for a franchise as moribund as the Bills. It's a shame, because this might well be their one win of the season. Pick: Buffalo
Chicago at Carolina
Aaron: The Panthers haven't won a game since naming Jimmy Clausen the starting quarterback – and this was WITH their best player (WR Steve Smith) on the field. The story out of Carolina is that Smith will miss this game with an ankle injury. The truth? I don't think he wants to face a pissed-off Bears' defense that just might act out the opening scene of The Last Boy Scout on the hapless Panthers. Timely. Pick: Chicago
Joe: Did you make that Last Boy Scout reference just so you could use it in your promotional tweet? Because ... respect. Pick: Chicago
Atlanta at Cleveland
Aaron: How long is the "novelty" meme that follows every white non-QB, non-OL offensive player going to last? The black quarterback story died somewhere between Doug Williams and Donovan McNabb. The black head coach thing was scuttled once and for all when Tony Dungy's Colts met Lovie Smith's Bears in the Super Bowl. The juvenile nonsense surrounding Cleveland's white FB Peyton Hillis is ridiculous. Besides, my own "black guy who likes baseball and craft beers" bit is infinitely more interesting. Pick: Atlanta
Joe: If you're not going to let me make my Matt Suhey/Nick Goings jokes, I'll just take my business elsewhere. Pick: Atlanta
Tampa Bay at Cincinnati
Aaron: All season, I've been able to identify the games that have a bit of an upset buzz while getting burned by NOT picking the upset. (See: last week's win by those jerkface Cleveland Browns.) The Bucs are coming off of a bye week and there are some prognosticators who think Tampa Bay has a chance here. As for me...you know the drill. Pick: Cincinnati
Joe: This Tampa team seems like they'd be fun to root for. No expectations but enough talent to pull through every so often, so every win must seem like a total triumph. Still not sure I have a handle on this Bengals team, besides the fact that they're not that great. Pick: Tampa Bay
Kansas City at Indianapolis
Aaron: 20 years ago this week, the Colts defeated the Chiefs 23-19 in Indianapolis. And, while Peyton Manning could retire today as a certain Hall of Famer; the journeyman, role players and short-time superstars from 1990 simply can't be beat. That KC/Indy game alone featured Steve DeBerg, Christian Okoye and Barry Word for the Chiefs. Meanwhile, the Colts were led by Jack Trudeau at QB with an eager-to-learn Jeff George waiting in the wings. Unpopular, flat-top haircut, acid-washed jeans Aaron misses those days. Pick: Indianapolis
Joe: Of course you do -- your Raiders were in the midst of a 12-4 season where they'd win the AFC West and make it all the way to the AFC Championship game, where ... hold on, let me look this up ... sorry, my internet's kinda slow, I'll get back to you. Pick: Indianapolis
Denver at Baltimore
Aaron: It's the Broncos' top-ranked passing game vs. the Ravens' top-ranked passing defense. When the teams are this evenly matched, it's time to go to each city's representative sitcoms. Denver is arguably best known for Mork & Mindy (which actually took place in Boulder, CO, but really...same city) and Roc put Baltimore on the map. Hmmm...Robin Williams vs. Charles S. Dutton. Pam Dawber vs. the middle-aged black woman in TLC's Waterfalls video. Wow. Surprisingly, no contest. Pick: Baltimore
Joe: I know the Broncos won last week when I said they were terrible, but I'm still not buying this "evenly matched" stuff. Joe Flacco's been playing well the last two weeks, despite failing Bill Simmons's crucial "looks like an awesome guy" test. Pick: Baltimore
St. Louis at Detroit
Aaron: The Rams haven't played a team that currently has a winning record, but their defense is now fourth in the NFL, y'all. With rookie Lions RB Jahvid Best limited and still nursing a toe injury, is a road game in Detroit really that dangerous for a young Rams team? (Assuming, of course, that the Rams' pre-game/post-game security motorcade includes plenty of ED-209's.) Pick: St. Louis
Joe: If Detroit can manage to not let the intensity drop too much from facing the Packers to facing the Rams, I'm thinking this is the perfect opportunity for win #1. St. Louis is an up-and-coming team, but they're not "pick 'em on the road" good yet. Pick: Detroit
Green Bay at Washington
Aaron: That Green Bay bandwagon seems to have slowed down a bit. Should a loss to a fired-up Bears team in Chicago and a lackluster two-point win at home against the last-place Lions be any kind of cause for alarm? Not this week, as Redskins QB Donovan McNabb is reintroduced to his good friend, the letdown game. Pick: Green Bay
Joe: Not to mention that after the quick 14-0 first quarter lead against the Eagles, neither McNabb nor the Redskins looked all that impressive anyway. As for the Packers, I have to wonder how in the world they let the Seahawks make that trade for Marshawn Lynch. This is a team with legitimate Super Bowl aspirations and their one glaring weakness is at running back, and they managed to let Seattle take Lynch for a 4th round pick? Is a Super Bowl title not worth a third-round draft pick? A second-round pick? For a running back who's better than the guy who got injured in the first place? I know I have a self-interest in seeing my team get a better draft pick, but they're just gonna stand pat with Brandon Jackson? All right, then. Pick: Green Bay
New Orleans at Arizona
Aaron: The Saints' three wins have been by a margin of five, three and two points. The Cardinals have surrendered 41 points in two of the past three weeks. If you had to pick one of these two trends to continue, which would it be? No, no...take your time. I'll wait. Pick: New Orleans
Joe: Cam comes at you with stats, I come at you with this: the Cardinals' two wins have come against the Raiders and Rams, and their starting quarterback does the Bills the favor of making Ryan Fitzpatrick the second-least likely starting NFL QB. Pick: New Orleans
Tennessee at Dallas
Aaron: I still can't believe the Cowboys opened as seven point favorites against any team with a running game like Tennessee's. But, then again, the Dallas defense is strong enough to befuddle boy-genius QB Vince Young and force another Kerry Collins relief appearance on America. Pick: Dallas
Joe: (You guys, no one tell Aaron that this is another one of those times he's recognizing upset potential and then picking against it.) Pick: Tennessee
San Diego at Oakland
Aaron: It'd be nice if you could win a game against these guys, Raiders. It's not easy living here in San Diego when you lose. Year-round, temperate 72-degree sunshine and avocado served on everything, aside. Pick: San Diego
Joe: The Raiders have to like San Diddy's win-one, lose-one approach to the season. This game worries me as a Phillip Rivers fantasy owner. Also, my early-season picks lead has made me reckless. Pick: Oakland
Philadelphia at San Francisco
Aaron: Eagles QB Kevin Kolb got lots of postgame props for his fill-in work versus the Redskins last week. His 22 for 35 completion count was solid enough, but I'm going to judge him with my own eyes and ears. I only caught his final drive, when he was overthrowing everyone in the stadium and the always-tolerant Philadelphia fans were letting him have it. And, based on those four plays... Pick: San Francisco
Joe: I have to agree. Kolb was looking Edwardsian (as in "Trent Edwards-ian") last week, and the Niners are getting waaaay too much hate for a team that nearly beat the Saints and Falcons. Pick: San Francisco
Minnesota at N.Y. Jets
Aaron: Honestly, I love that the shocking concept of "Randy Moss, malcontent" (and his resultant trade to Minnesota) can dominate the sports-news cycle. Moss was peeved and disinterested for four weeks in New England versus the two entire seasons he took off in Oakland. The media's reaction reminded me of Johnny Damon's "shocking" free agent departure from Boston several years ago. Has stuff never happened until it occurs within a 300-mile radius of Bristol, Connecticut? Pick: Minnesota
Joe: Look, I hate Boston and ESPN as much as the next guy, but the fact that a future Hall of Famer was such a disruption that he caused a mid-season trade in the NFL somehow shouldn't have been a huge story? Personally, I'm just angry that more people weren't talking about how, with Moss, Favre, and Jared Allen, the Vikings have managed to wrest "Most Hateable Sports Franchise" away from the Miami Heat. (...What's that? People are still buying the Poor Poor Cleveland storyline? Fine.) Pick: NY Jets
Thursday, October 7, 2010
TBG TV: Raising Hope
When/Where: FOX -- Tuesdays at 9:00 PM
10-Word Premise: It really takes an especially f*cked up and dysfunctional village...
Starring: Lucas Neff as one of those the aimless 25-year-olds we all know who'd put his life on hold to raise a daughter from a one-night-stand. Martha Plimpton as the slacker's mother who -- like every mom and dad since the dawn of man -- lectures her son over his questionable life choices, even though she made similarly bad decisions (and in an age when pregnant women could drink (at the 8:30 mark) and smoke with impunity).
The Best Thang: Martha Plimpton is terrific as the family matriarch. In the pilot, she assumes the role of "reluctant grandmother" to her son's infant daughter with a brilliant, slightly-detached annoyance. Watching the ice melt away as she sang Hope to sleep at the end of the premiere episode was an overt reach for the heartstrings, but necessary to balance out the previous 22 minutes of snark, sarcasm and topless Cloris Leachman. The intentionally-expedited explanation behind Hope's conception -- from the frying pan to the head all the way through to the electric chair -- was wickedly dark and well-written.
The Worst Thang: I've only seen the premiere -- with the next two episodes resting undisturbed on my DVR -- but, I wonder how long Neff's "Jimmy Chance" character can keep the "ill-equipped dad" bit interesting. His makeshift car seats ("Even driving slow, that bean bag slid a LOT on the turns.") and diaper-changing challenges can become the kind of broad comedic crutch that belies the show's single camera, laugh-track absent approach. I was lukewarm to almost all of the secondary characters (Shannon Woodward's smarmy "Sabrina" fell especially flat) and the use of Cloris Leachman as the crazy old lady has become its own tired cliché.
The Verdict: Raising Hope could become an intelligent take on single fatherhood in a whacked-out world or a one-note joke full of poop and vomit comedy -- and the pilot didn't scrimp on the scatological humor. I'm optimistic that the show will find its footing, though. Hell, even I figured out fatherhood after a few months...and just one concussion.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Three Baseball Guys: 2010 ALDS/NLDS Predictions
For the second straight MLB postseason, I'm teaming up with two of my favorite bloggers to predict every playoff series.
Eugene Tierney is the founder of 85% Sports. He's a dyed-red-in-the-wool St. Louis Cardinals fan and has an encyclopedic knowledge of minor league prospects and players' autograph habits. If any of you ever run into him, just ask: "Shelby Miller? MLB ETA? Will he sign through the mail?" But, only ask if you've got a few free hours on your hands.
Tom Daniels writes with an abundance of east coast bias over at One New York Life. He's a New York Mets fan who's spent the past few seasons defending embattled manager Jerry Manuel and general manager Omar Minaya. Back in March, Tom predicted "25+ home runs, 100+ RBI" for OF Jason Bay, "40+ saves" and a "big year" from closer Francisco Rodriguez and – hoo boy – "15 wins or better" from SP Oliver Perez.
And, I'm Aaron – an Oakland A's fan who didn't predict big things from Jason Bay, Francisco Rodriguez and Oliver Perez. I mean…wow, Tom.
Texas Rangers v. Tampa Bay Rays
Aaron: The Rangers are the most interesting team in the postseason and quite capable of obliterating baseball's October myths all by themselves. You say "pitching and small ball" win in the playoffs? I say EVERYONE'S pitching is good in the playoffs and it's the team that can put up crooked numbers on the scoreboard that's a bigger threat. You say "the most talented team wins"? I say the deepest and most balanced has a better chance. You say "previous playoff experience" is a plus? I say "the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays". AL MVP candidate Josh Hamilton might not be 100%, but the confluence of Hamilton's unshakeable faith and bothersome injury make his ribs the most religiously significant since the creation of Eve. Are YOU betting against The Bible?! Pick: Rangers in 4.
Eugene: As much I as like the Rangers, the Rays rotation will be too much. Price has been unhittable and, if Garza and Shields can be on, they have pitchers that can go after Game 1. If Texas had a better complement for Cliff Lee, they'd have a better shot. Consider me against God on this one [watches for the lightning bolts]. Pick: Rays in 4.
Tom: After watching what Cliff Lee did to the Yankees in his post-season starts last season, I have a really hard time believing even the mighty Rays can win a short series. The mantra that "one great pitcher can win a short series" will very much be on display here. Beside the point, it's not like CJ Wilson and Colby Lewis are total scrubs. Two wins from Cliff Lee and 1-2 in their other three games? That's unreasonable? I don't think it is. Rangers in 5.
New York Yankees v. Minnesota Twins
Aaron: Minnesota is an attractive pick simply by virtue of having home field advantage and a surprisingly potent offense – even without injured 1B Justin Morneau and a season-long power outage from 2009 AL MVP Joe Mauer. Look a little closer at the numbers, though, and two stats immediately stand out: (1) The Twins pitchers finished tenth in the AL in strikeouts and (2) the Yankees hitters placed first in on-base percentage. Every New York at-bat is an unwatchable 10-minute ordeal, full of foul balls and 3-2 counts. Minnesota's pitching staff doesn't miss bats and the Yankees don't need to put the ball in the play to get on base. When New York inevitably has runners in scoring position and no one out, which Twins pitcher is overpowering enough to snuff out the rally? Sorry, Gardy. Pick: Yankees in 4.
Eugene: I'm having problems with this one. I think both teams are evenly matched. Both have good hitters. Both have weak benches. I like the Twins pitching better; both have solid rotations, but the Twins have the better bullpen. If the Twins can get past the Yankees starters, then they'll have a chance. I'm going with my gut on this one. Pick: Twins in 5.
Tom: Full disclosure: I watched exactly six Yankee games this season -- all of them against the Mets. As Cam mentioned, the Yankees play unwatchable baseball with nearly a quarter of their games going above 3.5 hours. The storyline being sold here is the Yankees inexplicable ownership of the Twins over the last few seasons. Unfortunately, the guy they claimed ownership of -- Joe Nathan -- isn't pitching this season. With Justin Morneau out (does the dude ever make a post-season?) and Jim Thome featured in last week's Sports Illustrated (guaranteeing an 0-20 series), what do the Twins have to break through the Yankee starters? CC and Andy are probably enough to take down this series. Yankees in 4.
Philadelphia Phillies v. Cincinnati Reds
Aaron: It'll be interesting to see how that contract extension for Reds manager Dusty Baker looks next October when Cincinnati's sitting at home. 1B Joey Votto could win the NL MVP, but this team relied heavily on good years from old men (3B Scott Rolen, RP Arthur Rhodes), washed-up talent (C Ramon Hernandez, SS Orlando Cabrera) and a reclamation project or two (OF Johnny Gomes). For crying out loud, the eminently league-average Bronson Arroyo is their ace! I'm not as ready as some to hand Philadelphia the 2010 World Championship, but the Reds don't have a single starting pitcher who compares to the back-end of the Phillies' postseason rotation. Pick: Phillies in 3.
Eugene: Let see - the team that got past the Cardinals vs. a team that I'm not fond of just because. Really, the Phillies are the better team. They have the better hitters and rotation; the bullpens are pretty much even. I'd also go with the experience factor mentioned above, as the Reds only have a couple of guys with post season experience. The Phillies team is pretty much the same as the last 2 years. Pick: Phillies in 3.
Tom: I find it necessary to point this out one more time: if not for the absolutely insane declaration by Ruben Amaro Jr. that J.A. Happ was untradeable last year, the Phillies rotation would be Cliff Lee, Roy Halladay, and Cole Hamels. Second fun fact: The Reds are 30-41 against teams that finished over .500 including 2-5 against Philadelphia which includes a 4-game sweep in Citizens Bank Park. The Phillies are easily the best team in National League (still) and, barring just a total meltdown, they walk over the Reds here. To be slightly different, I'll say it takes four because I have no faith in Cole Hamels until he proves otherwise. Phillies in 4.
Atlanta Braves v. San Francisco Giants
Aaron: OK…the importance of good pitching in October is somewhat overstated, but the Giants' starters have been almost unhittable since the start of September. Unfortunately, their offense doesn't collect many hits, either. The Braves stumbled into the postseason after the NL East division slipped through their fingers. Ironically, the celebration of one last playoff appearance for Atlanta manager Bobby Cox conveniently ignores his history of spectacular conflagrations of failure and bad strategy in the postseason. And, while Giants' manager Bruce Bochy isn't likely to outsmart anyone, three loud home crowds and Matt Cain/Tim Lincecum/Jonathan Sanchez will turn Bochy into a genius. Pick: Giants in 5.
Eugene: I think the Giants have the better pitching, but I'm pulling for Bobby Cox to get as deep as possible. I like the Braves line up much better. The pitching is almost as good as the Giants. I also like the Braves bullpen better, which could be the difference maker. Pick: Braves in 5.
Tom: While I think Bobby Cox and his big three pitchers get way too much flak for the postseason failures through the 90s, there would be no more a fitting send-off to Cox's career than to have yet another playoff series in which the Braves average less than one run per game over a series while playing in front of a half-full home stadium. Cain/Lincecum/Sanchez are better than anything the Braves will throw at them. Happy Trails, Bobby. Giants in 3.
TBG TV: Sh*t My Dad Says
10-Word Premise: Resurrecting Archie Bunker on the 40th anniversary of his debut.
Starring: William Shatner as the mouthy, politically incorrect curmudgeon whose primary adversary is the young, idealistic guy who lives under his roof. (I mean, really, CBS…you could've solved this show's over-reported problem with America's DVR search functions by just calling it Still All in the Family. It's the SAME thing.) Jonathan Sadowski as "Meathead 2.0". Former WCW superstar Will Sasso as the obnoxiously successful sibling and Nicole Sullivan as the superfluous, unlikeable daughter-in-law.
The Best Thang: There was one – ONE – solid line of dialogue in the pilot episode. With the week's conflict resolved and the closing credits about to roll, the father (Shatner) and son (Sadowski) are sharing a comedic moment that involves the son impersonating the father. Shatner's "Ed Goodson" character laments, "Why can't someone do a GOOD impression of me?" That bit of self-referential fun was the only time this show exhibited even a shred of heart or soul.
The Worst Thang: I can't ever remember watching a pilot episode – the episode that is ostensibly an audition for the network suits and, ultimately, the audience – in which everyone on-screen seemed so disinterested. Shatner shuffles from scene to scene dispensing lifeless zingers and lightly pushing the boundaries of broadcast television ("…I'll decorate my Buick with your balls…!") In one scene, the son wistfully reminisces about his childhood and a series of insults received from his father. The monotonous detailing of each individual dig could've been read straight from the Twitter feed that inspired this show.
The Verdict: The "Archie Bunker" character worked because he was oblivious to his character flaws and written with such a brilliant comedic bent that he was easy to lampoon. Shatner's "Ed Goodson" is just an unlikeable d*ck with a handful of background characters who wait patiently for his verbal abuse. This show's a shamelessly lazy and unfunny effort from everyone involved.
Monday, October 4, 2010
TBG Eats: The NEW 99-Cent Chicken Flatbread Sandwich from Taco Bell
Current Weight: 172 lbs.
I usually don't eat lunch.
Sometimes, I might eat during my lunch hour, but that's almost always part of my all-day grazing at work. And, a few forkfuls from my enormous, Mrs. Bootleg-made bowl of fresh fruit at noon don't qualify as "lunch" any more than my 8:00 AM trail mix* single-serving sacks should be considered a passable breakfast.
* -- I mentioned this on Twitter several weeks ago, but it bears repeating: With ingredients like M&Ms, glazed walnuts and butterscotch chips, the evolution of "trail mix" into "bags of candy" has made my breakfasts 50-60% better.
Without a true lunchtime in my life, I've had to sacrifice that midday staple – the sandwich – from my diet. Dinner is my one substantive meal of the day and after serial snacking for hours on end, it would take more than a single sandwich to satiate my evening appetite.
I still get my sandwich fix, though. Truth be told, there are few better "bar foods". And, when dinnertime here at Stately Bootleg Manor occurs on one of the 15 days out of every month when my wife is too tired and/or uninspired and/or watching Oprah to cook…a sandwich beats nothing.**
** -- Mrs. Bootleg is the unquestioned QUEEN of the following sinister marital tactic: She'll disclose her dinner preparation plans in the morning ("How about my homemade spaghetti, tonight?") Consequently, I'll spend the entire day thinking about her homemade spaghetti. When I arrive home, there's no sauce simmering, no garlic bread baking and Mrs. Bootleg is asleep on the couch. Seems she's still full from the Thai food she had at lunch. And, since SHE'S not hungry…
Since, I've gotta get back in the sandwich state of mind, here are – generally speaking – my three favorite and least favorite:
Favorite Sandwiches
(1) Tuna Melt: I am, of course, "generally speaking" about MY tuna melt, made with my sassy tuna salad.
(2) BLT: There's an ersatz Irish pub out here that serves two BLTs stacked on top of each other with guacamole in between 'em. It's jaw-unhinging heaven.
(3) Chicken Salad: A close family friend of ours makes hers with large shreds of chicken, a peppery dressing and cashews. If she wasn't happily married…
Least Favorite Sandwiches
(1) Pastrami/Corned Beef: Previously addressed in this TBG post from February 2009.
(2) Peanut Butter and Jelly: From a time when I enjoyed soft drinks, sugary breakfast cereals and coffee with cream and sweetener. Today, I'm asking the unfortunately uniformed girl at Hot Dog on a Stick if the latest batch of lemonade is "sweet" or "too sweet".
(3) Egg Salad: We live in a time when salads are topped with steak, fried chicken or served in greasy, deep-fried flour tortilla shell. Egg salad is a throwback to a significantly less delicious era.
Speaking of which, Taco Bell turns back the clock on Hispanic stereotypes with this new ad for their 99-cent Chicken Flatbread Sandwich:
For those playing "ethnic bingo" at home, TB addressed (1) the heavily-accented English ("fi-feefty!"); (2) the "she can't understand English, so let's have someone dumb it down for her by using fewer words" bit and (3) that easily-identifiable "fiery Latina temper". Why stop there, Taco Bell? Just give the "sandwich lady" her own theme song, already!
Anyways…have you heard Taco Bell has a new 99-cent Chicken Flatbread Sandwich? From TB's website:
Warm, square-cut flatbread, filled with marinated all-white-meat chicken, and a melty three-cheese blend of cheddar, pepper jack, and mozzarella topped off with flavorful chipotle sauce and melted to perfection to seal in the flavor.
Considering the price tag, I was expecting nothing more than a half-minute microwave effort to melt the cheese and shoo me out of the drive-thru. But, the simplicity of the melted cheese with TB's decent chicken strips worked and the chipotle sauce really sets it off. There's a creamy-(mildly) spicy thing going on that somehow highlights the other flavors and provides a complexity (by fast food standards) of textures with the flatbread and chicken.
The first one I ate had a little more sauce and, in two subsequent visits, my Taco Bell's been a bit chintzy with the chipotle. Ask for a little extra sauce and thank me later. This is a 4.5 star sandwich that gets an extra .5 for the low price…but, loses a star for that ad.
You're better than that Taco Bell. I hope, one day, I can once again think of "respectful, traditional Hispanic culture" when your brand comes to mind.
Grade: 4 (out of 5) Calories: 290 Fat: 15g
Saturday, October 2, 2010
2010 NFL Pickery -- Week #4
Last Week:
Joe: 11-5
Aaron: 10-6
Tom: 9-7
Overall:
Joe: 32-16
Aaron: 27-21
Tom: 26-22
San Francisco at Atlanta
Aaron: The 49ers fired offensive coordinator Jimmy Raye this week. In the days following, players made no effort to conceal their glee – on the record – with the media. I'd argue that co-workers haven't been THIS excited over the firing of a black man since, what…Isaiah Washington from Grey's Anatomy? Terrence Howard from Iron Man? Omarosa? Pick: Atlanta
Joe: Governor David Patterson. You forgot Governor David Patterson. Anyway, after three weeks, I've come to the shocking conclusion that the Falcons are good and the Niners pretty much aren't. Pick: Atlanta
N.Y. Jets at Buffalo
Aaron: The Bills have faced two top-10 defenses (based on points allowed) in the first month and struggled to score. They were, however, competitive against the Patriots (28th in points allowed). Let's see where the Jets fall…oh. They're seventh-best. On an unrelated note, Stanford QB Andrew Luck is now projected as the 2011 #1 draft pick, Buffalo. Pick: NY Jets
Joe: Good thing Buffalo ownership has no interest in paying #1 draft pick money to QB! Joke's on you, athletes! Ugh. Murder me in my sleep. Pick: NY Jets
Cincinnati at Cleveland
Aaron: The 0-3 Browns are getting some "upset buzz" and the Bengals are one of a handful of teams capable of crapping the bed against an inferior opponent in any given week (along with the Chargers and "any team quarterbacked by Donovan McNabb"). Week #15 – at home to the Browns – seems like a better place for the Bengals to fall on their faces. Pick: Cincinnati
Joe: Road games inside the division are tough. And while it's not ironclad reasoning, I can't think the Bengals are good enough to be 3-1. Pick: Cleveland
Detroit at Green Bay
Aaron: In Week #1, I wrote:: "I'm not subscribing to the simmering notion that the Lions are on the rise". In Week #2, I picked the Lions to upset the Eagles. Last week, I bet the Lions (+10.5) to cover against Brett Favre's exhumed carcass. I'd like to invoke the "cancel anytime" clause in my subscription and want to know which one of you goddam kids filled out the subscription postcard with my name and address in the first place. Pick: Green Bay
Joe: It keeps not getting better for Detroit. After a frustrating Monday night loss, you'd figure the Packers would take out their aggressions on the Lions like an angry kid punching a pillow or David O. Russell calling Lily Tomlin the c-word (look it up). Pick: Green Bay
Carolina at New Orleans
Aaron: Temperamental Panthers WR Steve Smith has had his media access limited by the team for fear that he'll go off on his own teammates and front office. This is the same man who was once suspended for two games after breaking a teammate's nose with one punch. Let's keep his frustrations bottled up. Pick: New Orleans
Joe: A host of injuries on the Saints offense could keep this closer than you expect. Then there's the matter of the Panthers scoring points. This might be the fiercest defensive struggle in New Orleans since Marge Simpson came at Ned Flanders with a bottle on "Oh! Streetcar!" Pick: New Orleans
Baltimore at Pittsburgh
Aaron: Kudos to the NFL for keeping these two teams and their
Joe: I worry that the Steelers may have gotten all their offense out of their system last week against Tampa. As much as I can possibly "worry" about a team I have no particular rooting interest in or affection for. Pick: Baltimore
Denver at Tennessee
Aaron: The stats say that the Broncos have the third worst running game in the NFL and the second best passing game. If you had to bet your life on Denver finishing in one of those two places at the end of the season, which one would it be? What's that? Oh, Kyle Orton. Kyle Orton is the quarterback for the Broncos. He's the one who finished 2-8 as a starter last year. Don't let that sway you. Pick: Tennessee
Joe: Denver's going to be that bad team that plays just well enough to fool you into thinking they'll win the next week. All season. Pick: Tennessee
Seattle at St. Louis
Aaron: The Rams have very quietly been impressive on defense this season (yes, against Arizona, Oakland and Washington) and Seattle seems primed for a letdown after last week's upset win against San Diego with a road game against the Bears looming next week. C'mon, NFC West. Get one team to 8-8 just to shove it Bill Simmons' face. Pick: St. Louis
Joe: Damn it, Cam. I was going for the St. Louis upset pick this week. Fine, fine, but let me lay out my logic anyway: Shoulda gone with my gut and picked them against Washington last week, Sam Bradford is Rookie QB Good (i.e. makes mistakes but shows flashes of goodness), Seattle is going to be a good home team and a crappy road team this year, and in the novelty rap game of songs that mention big butts, I'll take Nelly's "Hot in Herre" over Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back." Pick: St. Louis
Houston at Oakland
Aaron: If you missed Oakland's last-second, missed field goal loss last week, here's a recap: Sebastian Janikowski was only the third place-kicker to be drafted in the first round (2000). He makes $4M per year. He is 42nd on the career FG percentage list, behind less expensive, more anonymous contemporaries like Nate Kaeding, Robbie Gould and Shayne Graham. I hate so many players on my favorite team. Pick: Houston
Joe: You forgot the part about the GHB arrest. Pick: Houston
Indianapolis at Jacksonville
Aaron: I was surprised by the infinitesimal media maelstrom out of last week's Colts game. They played with just nine players on offense and…wait, what? Oh, they played with nine white players on offense for most of the game. Meh…I'll just wait for the Disney movie. Pick: Indianapolis
Joe: Not to revert to petty Simmons-bashing, but did you catch the podcast where our dear Sports Guy called Austin Collie the best white WR since Fred Belitnikoff? Somehow forgetting that there is a grand tradition of random white WRs having aberrant fantasy-bonanza seasons. Collie isn't even the best white WR on the Colts since Belitnikoff. Brandon Stokely is offended by your remarks, Bill. Drew Bennett is offended. Simmons's assertion didn't even make it to the end of the podcast, when his producer (and beleaguered Bills fan) Joe Meade had to remind Bill that his boyfriend Wes Welker is actually white. In Bill's defense, Boston guys don't see color. ...Sorry, that's "don't see people of color." Also, Jacksonville is an awful football team. Pick: Indianapolis
Arizona at San Diego
Aaron: I love Chargers fans. They collectively react to the team's inconsistent starts as if it isn't an annual event. In a few weeks, they'll envelope themselves within a contrived persecution complex and shout, "No one believed in us!" after a few wins (even though everyone picked them to win the AFC West). It never gets old. Pick: San Diego
Joe: Are you seriously telling me Matt Leinart would be doing WORSE than Derek Anderson right now? Or worse enough to offset the benefit of the groupie overflow to the rest of his teammates? Pick: San Diego
Washington at Philadelphia
Aaron: There are two conflicting storylines here: (1) Donovan McNabb, over the course of his career, has broken the hearts of Eagles fans more than any player in recent memory. (2) Donovan McNabb is capable of a terrible performance at any time. And, hey, Michael Vick might not be the most polarizing player in the stadium! Pick: Philadelphia
Joe: There are so many reasons why Washington is an ideal upset pick, not the least of which is that there is NO good reason they should win this game. Let it never be said that I don't completely suck at logic. Pick: Washington
Chicago at N.Y. Giants
Aaron: Quoting m'man Tom on his blog-that-y'all-should-bookmark: "…it'd be nice if [the Giants] started [winning] before [the] 'Tom Coughlin Needs To Be Fired' news starts… which will start if they lose to the Bears." We'll find out if he's prophetic come Monday. Pick: Chicago
Joe: The Giants are a better team than that loss to the Titans suggests. The Bears tried SO DAMN HARD to lose that game to the Packers on Monday but couldn't pull it off. Pick: NY Giants
New England at Miami
Aaron: The Dolphins have gone 2-2 vs. the Patriots since 2008. Odd, because I thought they'd at least won 3 of 4 since the advent of their wildcat offense. I must derive so much pleasure out of their wins against New England that I count them, like, twice. Pick: Miami
Joe: I can't quite describe the feeling of euphoria in being able to pick against the Patriots and knowing it's based on actual football reasoning and not some mystical island juju hex. Pick: Miami
Friday, October 1, 2010
TBG TV: Outsourced
When/Where: NBC -- Thursdays at 9:30 PM
10-Word Premise: See if you can imagine The Office...and, you're done.
Starring: Ben Rappaport as Jim Halpert, Rebecca Hazlewood as Pam Beesley, Rizwan Manji as Dwight Schrute, Sacha Dhawan as Ryan Howard, Diedrich Bader as Creed Bratton, Parvesh Cheena as Kelly Kapoor, Pippa Black as Karen Filippelli and Anisha Nagarajan as Phyllis Smith.
The Best Thang: The geek in me squealed with delight at the sight (and sound) of Diedrich Bader's
The Worst Thang: Outsourced lifts so liberally from The Office that NBC should just pen the script for the contrived crossover episode, already. The character links above aren't that far apart -- right down to the "unofficial manager" bit that Dwight Schrute used in the first few years of The Office, now carried on by this show's Rajiv character. Simply way too many jokes about the Indian staff's names ("Manmeet"? Hahahahaha!), cultures and customs, as every joke was written for the lowest common denominator. I get that this was the pilot and probably the best place to get them all out of the way in one episode, but it was still pretty repugnant.
The Verdict: The premiere had its moments (a reference to the classic 1980s arcade game "Frogger" and the "Detroit -- home of black people" line), but the writing would have to get a lot smarter for me give it another viewing.
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