Wednesday, September 8, 2010
That Bootleg Guy's 1,000th Post! (Starring That Bootleg Guy!)
Huh. So that's what the little circle at the top of my laptop screen is for. Yeah, I should probably turn the "comments" off for this. Nah.
Monday, September 6, 2010
TBG Eats: The NEW Philly Cheesesteak Burger from Carl's Jr.
Current Weight: 171.4 lbs.
Last week marked my 15-year anniversary as a resident of San Diego.
Most of you know I was born and raised 90 minutes north up in Long Beach. I am unabashedly and unapologetically Californian through and through.
And, if you're from California, you undoubtedly realize how ridiculous that last sentence reads.
Y'see, California is a convenient piñata for every other state in the union. The clichéd critiques have been unchanged during my lifetime with the top five being: traffic, smog, cost of living, liberals and homosexuals. But, the best thing about California – aside from climate, diversity, tolerance and the fact that the smog and the most obscene traffic congestion are exclusive to LA (two hours from where I breathe and drive) – is that its residents don't wear the state on our sleeves.
It's not that we're without residential pride; it's just that our home state doesn't define us.*
* -- Yes, there was a flood of pro-California music that came out during the (maybe, just maybe media-created) East Coast/West Coast Rap Wars of 1994-1996. With the lone exception of Tupac and Dr. Dre's California Love, none of it has held up over time. Westside Connection sold two million copies of their first album in 1996. Name ONE song from it. See? You can't. Even Ice Cube couldn't represent with conviction.
A few years ago, Domino's Pizza created an especially contrived ad campaign called "American Legends". The chain came up with "six famous regional tastes" and filmed a series of screamingly unconvincing commercials…featuring a lot of screaming.
Traffic and smog?! Oh, it's ON, Memphis, Tennessee!
Even by the scripted, simple-minded standards of most 30-second spots, no one can be that passionate about pizza unless you're from New York.**
** -- My perception may be skewed from repeated viewings of Spike Lee's "Do the Right Thing". I mean, who orders a slice of pizza on the hottest day of the year inside the stifling confines of Sal's Famous Pizzeria? Wouldn't a mixed greens salad with candied walnuts, gorgonzola cheese and a light raspberry vinaigrette dressing be infinitely more refreshing? Wouldn't it?!
I've never understood the whole "state identification by food" thing. I used to work with a guy who was originally from upstate New York. Every Friday, someone would bring in bagels and every Friday, he'd rail against California's version of chewy Jewish food. "These are more like rolls!", he'd always exclaim. I assume in New York, the consistency of bagels is a cross between beef jerky and Bit-O-Honey.
At the same job, I worked with a woman from Texas. She often lamented the lack of "real" barbecue in Southern California. This tickled me for a variety of reasons. Was she expecting San Diego to have perfected heavily-sauced, slaughtered pig parts when she moved out here? Did she realize that even in states that are recognized for their barbecue (Tennessee, Missouri, and North Carolina) some of them do it differently than Texas?
Carl's Jr. is opening themselves up for criticism from Keystone State transplants with the re-release of their Philly Cheesesteak Burger. (They could also be criticized for the terrible commercial below, but this isn't one of my AiAA posts.)
The Philly Cheesesteak Burger first went into "limited time only" rotation back in 2006. Even though it's not a regular item, it's rumored to be part of the restaurant's "secret menu" that customers can (kinda-sorta) clandestinely order from. And, now it's…uh, back. According to CJ's website:
Juicy steak with sautéed green bell peppers, onions and melted American and Swiss cheeses, all piled on top of a charbroiled beef patty and served between a seeded bun.
Since Carl's Jr. takes great pride in cooking their hamburgers over an open flame, I'm going to assume the thinly-sliced steak, onions and peppers gets the reheated-in-a-microwave treatment. The too-perfect square of melted processed Swiss cheese leads me to believe my theory is correct.
All of the "Philly" toppings were surprisingly lacking in flavor. I've previously eaten the company's Prime Rib Burger and that was a much more successful union of two foods on a bun. The onions and peppers here add nothing, while the remaining burger components (just meat, cheese and mayonnaise) are unexceptional for fast food fare.
Save your breath, Philadelphia. An unsatisfying eatin' experience like this speaks for itself.
Grade: 2 (out of 5) Calories: 750 Fat: 45g
Friday, September 3, 2010
10 Thoughts: Oakland A's -- August 2010
August Record: 13-15
Overall Record: 65-66 (2nd place, 8.5 GB Texas)
(1) The Future is
In 20 plate appearances, however, Carter went hitless with one walk and nine strikeouts. He looked especially helpless on two-strike sliders, but the A's inexplicably left him in for a handful of late-inning pressure at-bats on the road. He was sent back down on August 15. 20 years earlier, the A's called up an OF/DH who also put up 20 unimpressive plate appearances. Perhaps you've heard of him.
(2) "The Pope" Brett'Anderson Dinero! -- The next time any A's player starts lamenting the team's lack of national recognition or the abandoned ballpark they play in; I'd suggest the one benefit of baseball anonymity is the complete and utter non-reaction to this picture of Brett Anderson (posted to his now-defunct Twitter feed) and his zombie arm candy.
Make no mistake: this picture is obviously NOT news. But, off the top of my head, there are probably only 3 or 4 other MLB markets where this doesn't register at least a blip in ONE local news cycle (San Francisco (which is redundant with Oakland), Seattle, Toronto and, maybe, Arizona). M'girl Carrie posted the perfect lede to the story on my Twitter page: "Oh, the wonders that $40 worth of one-dollar bills can buy you! #HomelyNotComely"
(3) Solving Jack Cust -- I like Jack Cust. Really, I do. I liked him before he signed a ball for my son during Spring Training in 2009. He's been the A's most productive offensive player since he joined the team in 2007. I like Jack Cust! I'm just sick of the guy and I think I've finally figured out why. This year, with runners in scoring position, Cust is hitting .187/.326/.307 (with 2 outs and RISP, he's hitting .219/.324/.406). In so-called "late and close" situations, he's hitting .083/.233/.194 and when the game is tied, he's hitting .169/.320/.254. Look, I get that "clutch" stats are junk, but the way Cust approaches clutch situations isn't as irrelevant. He's NOT getting the borderline 3-and-2 calls that he got during his walk-a-mania peak in 2007-08, but he refuses to expand the strike zone. Consequently, he leads the league in "taking a half-step towards first base, before realizing the umpire rung him up".
(4) Only 10-12 More Years Before It's Settled -- The "Pro Baseball for San Jose" website posted these renderings of the possible new home for the A's. Your guess is as good as mine as to what this means. Baseball commissioner Bud Selig insists that the A's stadium issue is still under review. The city of Oakland remains optimistic (even in the absence of a clear, publicized plan). The city of San Jose has been ridiculously pro-active (even in the absence of a clear, publicized endorsement). The one undeniable element? Those ballpark pictures are purty. Additional, more informed analysis can be found here.
(5) Goodbye, Geren? -- On August 9, the Mariners fired manager Don Wakamatsu. He was Oakland's bench coach in 2008 and there's been a light smattering of speculation that he might be in line to replace current A's manager Bob Geren (whose contract only has a club option for 2011) at season's end. I'd put the likelihood of Geren returning at 60/40, but I'm rooting for Wakamatsu for the following reasons: (A) He fell out of favor in Seattle by being the only one in the organization with the balls to force Cantankerous Ken Griffey out the door; (B) He wanted to kick Chone Figgins' midget-ass (on camera!) for not giving maximum effort and (C) He's not Bob Geren.
(6) Yay, Pitching! -- The A's 2.90 team ERA in August was their best single month of the season. In fact, in August, the staff surrendered its fewest hits in a month and posted its best WHIP and SO/BB ration. Hold that thought...
(7) Boo, Hitting! -- August saw the A's score their fewest runs in a month for 2010 with only 98. Low-water month-long marks were also achieved in batting average (.231), on-base percentage (.309) and slugging percentage (.342). Fun fact: on the season, the A's have collectively hit .242/.305/.324 out of the NUMBER THREE spot in the batting order. GAH!
(8) Cy Cahill? -- There are few things more ironically amusing than listening to A's fans rail against the same esoteric statistical analysis that our favorite team pretty much popularized more than a decade ago. After his start vs. Cleveland on August 25, SP Trevor Cahill's record was 14-5 with a 2.43 ERA (and, to that point, a 4-1 record with a 0.92 ERA in the month of August). ESPN's Buster Olney posted this assessment to his Twitter account. In response, Fangraphs' Dave Cameron(!) posted this piece, which basically discounts ERA and any other statistic the pitcher cannot control. Cameron's take caused Olney to briefly go insane on Twitter. Finally, Cameron followed up on his original piece here. In reality, Seattle's Felix Hernandez has been more dominant than Cahill (despite a pedestrian 10-10 record) while Boston's Jon Lester and New York's CC Sabathia have the raw numbers AND wins to get the sportswriters' votes. And, in Cahill's last start of the month (August 30); he gave up nine hits and eight earned runs to the Yankees in just four innings. This is an appropriate last word.
(9) The Future is NOW in Rehab -- Remember Michael Ynoa? Signed in 2008 at the age of 16, he received the largest signing bonus ever for a non-Cuban international player. Minor League Baseball and amateur expert Kevin Goldstein listed Ynoa as the team's top prospect last year calling him a "once in a generation" talent. Baseball America referred to him as the best Dominican pitching prospect in at least a decade. Remember him? That guy? On August 24, he underwent Tommy John surgery. He's pitched a total of nine professional innings in the A's organization. I have nothing to add here.
(10) Marketing 101 -- On August 22, the A's held "Fiesta Day" at the Oakland Coliseum. (Not sure why they changed the name from last year's "Hispanic Heritage Day", but, whatever.) SP Gio Gonzalez was exploited respectfully asked to film this commercial and the team wore Atleticos jerseys in honor of the occasion. Is there any reason why suckers such as myself who routinely dole out ungodly amount of money for expensive, authentic jerseys can't purchase the Atleticos version from the team's website shop? Not even a $22 t-shirt version? I would BUY this, A's! Why won't you listen to me?!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
That Cartoon Guy
Why didn't all of my friends with kids tell me about the terrific "Phineas & Ferb" cartoon? An egregious dereliction of duty, you guys. -- From my Twitter Feed, August 22.
As the father of a six-year-old, I've watched a fair amount of animated television over the past few years.
Like most parents, Mrs. Bootleg and I had grand plans for limiting Jalen's TV intake when he was younger. We thought there were other, better ways to (1) stimulate his mind; (2) nurture his creativity and (3) pass along social skills he'd need as he grew older.
Unfortunately, (1) three-year-old Jalen had no patience for those kiddie jigsaw puzzles; (2) four-year-old Jalen only wanted to draw baseball diamonds, ballplayers or his 22-year-old babysitter and (3) five-year-old Jalen was either inconsolable if he lost at a board game or insufferable if he won.
Today, Jalen gets more television that we'd originally intended. In our defense, though, he also watches several hours of Oakland A's baseball each week…which hurts both our hearts. Over the years, these are the animated programs that have brought more pleasure than pain.
Phineas & Ferb -- I only discovered this show about a month ago. Jalen was immersed within an especially blog-worthy medical emergency and home from school. During a half-hearted round of "remote roulette", we came across two boys who spend their summer vacation hatching outlandish ideas while inadvertently tormenting their older sister. Throw in a secret agent platypus, a stereotypically evil mad scientist and…well, you'll just have to trust me on this: it works. All of it.
Little Bill -- When I was Jalen's age, cartoons with predominantly African-American characters weren't uncommon. We had superheroes, fallen angels, kung-fu fighters and Fat Albert. NBC's A Different World pretty much ruined the two-dimensional black caricature concept during the early '90s, before Bill Cosby brought it back with Little Bill. It's ridiculously preachy and PC, but Jalen's breathless exclamation ("He looks like me!") during our first viewing kept this one in DVR rotation for awhile.
Curious George -- This was the first cartoon that Jalen was way into. It was the theme for his third birthday party and we still have random licensed merchandise (bubble machine, fleece blanket and a bazillion bedtime books) scattered around Stately Bootleg Manor. The mischievous monkey also created a brief family controversy when Mrs. Bootleg excitedly suggested our son dress up as Curious George for Halloween. I don't exercise my "paternal veto power" all that much, but when your African-American wife wants to put a monkey face on your African-American son…no.
Can You Teach My Alligator Manners? -- These shorts air between feature cartoons on the Playhouse Disney channel. It's listed here solely for its opening sequence. Y'see, it's become increasingly evident that Jalen will NOT be inheriting his mother's exemplary dancing genes. Watching him imitate the dancing at the beginning of the above clip nearly brings Mrs. Bootleg to tears.
Monday, August 30, 2010
My First and Last* 2010 Fantasy Football Post
Is it tacky to beg for an invite to join someone's fantasy football (money) league on Twitter? If not, I'm available. If so, just kidding! -- from my Twitter feed, August 9
I love each and every one of Mrs. Bootleg's girlfriends.
And, while my wife gives me an inordinate amount of leeway with regards to sharing blog fodder from our personal lives, she's decreed her friends to be off-limits.
So, I'm sorry, Mrs. L, but I'm not allowed to thank you for marrying a man who invited me to join his money league a few weeks ago. I can't even use your real name! But, I want my readers to know that you supported our tequila-and-Coors Light-infused fantasy football draft last Saturday night. Unlike, my wife.
I mean, really, Mrs. Bootleg? You support this unpaid lightly-read blog endeavor, but cynically roll your eyes at the guaranteed money of an eight-team fantasy league?
Sure, the roster rules are rigid (2 QBs, 4 RBs, 4 WRs, 2 TEs, 2 Ks, 2 DEF) and it costs additional dollars on top of the entry fee to pilfer players from the waiver wire and I picked seventh out of eight teams…oh, let's just get to the players.
QB – Peyton Manning: My first pick and a mortal lock for 30 TDs/4,000+ yards.
QB – Tony Romo: He fell to the "back-up QB" rounds and I scooped him up right after someone took Joe Flacco. Before Romo!
RB – Shonn Greene: I passed over a lot of higher-rated RBs to take Greene with my second pick. Been regretting it for about 72 hours.
RB – Rashard Mendenhall: He was all that was left of the second-tier RBs. I figure he'll be the Steelers' offense until Roethlisberger returns.
RB – Reggie Bush: He's gotta be involved with some of the 10,000 touchdowns everyone's predicting the Saints to score this year.
RB – C.J. Spiller: "One preseason highlight" ranks high on my fantasy draft criteria.
WR – Miles Austin: One of the few well-regarded fantasy WRs that I had faith in. Clearly setting myself up for heartbreak here.
WR – Steve Smith: The Carolina version. Meh.
WR – Anquan Boldin: A quick look at his career stats has me thinking he's not going to be nearly as revitalized with a new team as I thought he might be.
WR – Hines Ward: Every year I've had Ward in fantasy, he's produced for me. You're welcome, Pittsburgh.
TE – Vernon Davis: A breakthrough season last year, he's now got the chance to play on a team that everyone expects to win. 50 TDs is not unrealistic.
TE – Zach Miller: I gotta have one Raider…and someone in the league actually took Sebastian Janikowski.
Once again, I promise this is the LAST time I'll mention fantasy football in this space.
* -- I promise nothing.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
How I Learned to Love Little League
NY Jon -- a longtime follower of this lightly-read blog -- writes:
How come you didn't do any weekly write-ups of Jalen's t-ball adventures this spring? The annual unauthorized "scouting report" on all of Jalen's teammates is one of my favorite things that you write. I don't want to live in a world where you refuse to make fun of five-year-old kids.
Back in January, my son Jalen attended Little League tryouts. Since late 2008, he'd been playing T-ball with an independently-run local outfit that was not affiliated with the Little League brand. After tryouts, I wrote an even-handed assessment of Jalen's good-field, no-hit, National League-worthy performance. At the end of that post, I wrote:
Jalen wasn't ready for Rookies [the next "league" after T-ball] and the thought of him learning on the fly -- and possibly turning on baseball before his teenage friends eventually force him into football and basketball -- didn't appeal to me. When I called the League to let them know we wanted to keep J in T-ball for the spring season, I was told he might not be able to be "released" from Rookies. Released! They eventually relented, but...yeah.
I just hope this experience doesn't turn ME on baseball.
For the purposes of this post, I've invented the "retroactive love scale". It measures the amount of affection I had for a series of events during my son's first season of Little League. "1" is the chorus of this song; "5" is indifference and "10" is the unattainable "purest love of all". (Me and Mrs. Bootleg peaked at an "8" back in 2001, for those of you wondering.)
February 15: Jalen finds out that he'll be playing for the Orioles after spending the previous season on the T-ball equivalent of his favorite Major League team, the Athletics.* Upon hearing the news, he groans and asks, "Can I be a free agent?" We're off to a rip-roaring start. Retroactive Love Scale: 3
* -- Jalen love for the A's was completely organic and without any outside influence from me.
February 18: At the first practice, we find out that the coach of the team didn't even want the job. He begrudgingly volunteered when no one else stepped forward. The coach told us this -- in a dramatic exhibition of martyrdom -- at the end of practice as means of shaming the few mothers who were there when none of them jumped at the open invitation to be "team mom". And, I'll give you three guesses as to which diminutive black woman/blog target accepted the position. RLS: 2
February 25: Mrs. Bootleg was put on this earth to organize. In just a week's time, she'd coordinated the kids' jerseys (including surname personalization -- a nice touch that few other teams had), oversaw the team's banner (an extra expense that the coach couldn't be bothered with, so my wife got all of the players' parents to pitch in) and created an absurdly thorough "snack schedule" that used somewhere between 89 to 93% of Excel's capabilities. RLS: 6
March 6: Opening Day! I'd been to every practice and had grown increasingly frustrated with the coaches' lack of...coaching. The kids were given a perfunctory introduction to a small handful of fundamentals, but then the head coach would turn his attention to his ever-present Blackberry. While he worked out his thumbs, the kids spent a few minutes reinforcing repetitive bad habits to themselves before losing all interest and acting like...kids. And, the excruciating results were all on display in the first game of the season.** RLS: 1
** -- Oh, don't look at me like that. I know these kids were just five and six-years-old, but when one of your players closes his eyes and swings the bat downward like a sledgehammer, the culpability is assumed by the coaches, yo.
March 16: Mrs. Bootleg and I have one of those in-public martial arguments at one of Jalen's games. No one raises their voices -- the tone is practically conversational -- but afterwards we give each other the silent treatment out of spite. Quickly recapping: Jalen was playing first base...and he was doing it wrong! Since the coaches didn't seem concerned with teaching the basics to any of the players, I graciously took the initiative and "coached" my son from the stands in an obnoxiously authoritative, yet nurturing voice. No need to assign blame after the fact, so let's just move on. RLS: -100
March 30: Jalen had a game scheduled on my birthday. By now, one of the other coaches on the team had unofficially assumed "head coach" duties and he was phenomenal with the kids. He'd already won over my son, but late in the game, the coach put Jalen behind the plate to play catcher for an inning. It seemed like it took 20 minutes to fit Jalen with the tools of ignorance, but just as the mask was placed over his face, Jalen turned to his coach and exclaimed, "This is the greatest day of my life!" RLS: 8
April 17: As Jalen dug in at home plate before his first at-bat, he lifted his bat and pointed it towards left field. My six-year-old son was calling his shot. The other parents in attendance collectively laughed and clapped with a few even snapping pictures. Mrs. Bootleg and I, however, sat somewhere between "pride" and "mortified". OK, slightly more pride. RLS: 5.5
May 1: It was late in the game and Jalen was standing on second base. The batter lined a solid shot to centerfield. Jalen rounded third base. Have you ever heard someone recount a near-tragedy and mention that the events unfolded in slow-motion? I can still see the mischievous glint in my son's eye as he headed towards home with the opposing team's catcher standing over home plate, awaiting the throw. I remember blurting out to no one in particular, "Oh, sh*t. He's gonna run him..." But, before I could utter "over", Jalen had laid OUT the poor catcher. Here's an eerily accurate recreation of the collision. No one was hurt, even though it sounded like a two-car crash. OK...two MINI Coopers -- or possibly a just a pair of Priuses -- but, still. RLS: 7
May 8: The Orioles were missing a coach, so I was asked to pitch to the kids in the penultimate game. Over three innings, I hit five batters while Jalen -- in consecutive at-bats -- absolutely Charlie Brown'd me with a pair of balls hit back through the box. Hearing other parents tell their children not to be scared of me as the game wore on...pretty much made my month. RLS: 9
May 15: My mom and my grandfather made it down for Jalen's last Little League game of the season. It was the first time my grandfather -- who introduced ME to the game -- had seen his great-grandson play. That...was a good day. RLS: 10
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
TBG Beats: Kanye West feat. Dwele -- "Power"
It's taken almost 10 years, but I'm ready to admit I've come around on Kanye West.
Wait, that's not true. I've always liked the guy. I think.
In my much-maligned review of Jay-Z's first Blueprint album, I described West's beat on the "Takeover" diss track as "fire" and I used the word "infectious" in writing about the Kanye-crafted crossover hit "Izzo (H.O.V.A.)".
West released his debut album (The College Dropout) in 2004. I wrote an underwhelming review that my then-editor never posted. In hindsight, he probably saved me from a Blueprint-like backlash from my readers. I'll be the first to admit that, at the time, I wasn't ready to embrace Kanye's elevated subject matter and nuanced production.
This was evident (in my old weekly "Bootleg Music News" column) by the embarrassing amount of mocking mileage I derived from a single lyric in West's "Jesus Walks" single:
"The way Kathie Lee needed Regis; that's the way y'all need Jesus."
Even on his best tracks, Kanye West is barely a competent lyricist. But, poking fun at his awkward wordplay misses the point. He's an entertainer and a presence and an image who happens to rap. Remember the clinically-insane caricature that Tupac became in 1996 or an opportunistic, shiny-suited Puff Daddy stepping over Biggie Smalls' bullet-riddled corpse in 1997? They're all cut from the same cloth.
It finally clicked with me on West's 2005 release Late Registration. The catchy, cartoonish enthusiasm of "Gold Digger", the convincing humility on "Touch the Sky", the social commentary on "Roses" and the purposeful ferocity on "Diamonds from Sierra Leone". Hell, I was so excited about his 2007 Graduation album that I watched 90 minutes of BET and wrote a running diary.
OK, OK...George Bush/black people, Rolling Stone cover/blasphemy, Taylor Swift, etc. Cool?
West has released the first single from his next studio album (Dark Twisted Fantasy due out later this year). On "Power", he balances between overt bravado and an "Uneasy lies the head that wears a crown" cockiness. Yup...I'm giving him credit for being a pr*ck and simply reveling in it. The production is lush and is complemented by the creative samples and neo-soul act Dwele's presence.
And, while I dug the "Kelly Rowland" line, West killed me with:
"You short-minded n****s’ thoughts is Napoleon
My furs is Mongolian; my ice brought the goalies in..."
Mongolian furs? Huh...so that's where the meat comes from.
We already knew who skinned it.
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