Meet the Rest of My Family

Contrary to the celebratory reaction shots during ESPN's annual coverage of the NBA draft, not every Negro is blessed with a big family.

This might be why we continue to invite my side of the family over to Stately Bootleg Manor every Thanksgiving. My mother, my aunt and my grandfather don't take up much space -- yet after a few hours...I want my house back. But, since they DID come down from LA, we invited them to stay overnight.

My Mother: I've mentioned -- on more than one occasion -- my obese adolescence and the delicious, often deep-fried role my mother played in it. I took Jalen out to pick up some ice around lunchtime on Thanksgiving Day. We made a separate, somewhat out-of-the-way side trip, but couldn't have been gone for more than 45 minutes. In the time we were gone, my mom had prepared an assortment of appetizers, including spinach-artichoke dip, deviled eggs and a blue cheese dip with crackers and veggies.

Years ago, I stopped taking my mom up on her offer to "make me a plate". She believes in enormous portions and takes great offense to an unfinished meal (and slightly less offense if you don't go back for seconds). To this day, my greatest regret is that I didn't have this lightly-read blog when the future Mrs. Bootleg was obligated to eat her weight in my mom's meat loaf when she met my parents for the first time. Unfortunately, my 83-year-old grandfather allowed my mom to make his plates. Plural, yo. And, despite having twice as much food in front of him as anyone else, he gamely -- albeit glacially -- ate more in one sitting than HIS grandparents ate during the entirety of the 1800s.

My Grandfather: You know how those long cross-country flights require varying degrees of recovery time for your body? Several years ago, I flew -- terrifically hungover -- from Washington DC back home to San Diego. I landed on a Friday night, but didn't wake up until Sunday afternoon. That's how my grandfather's body seemed to react to the 90 minute drive down Interstate 5.

Now, after more than 3 1/2 decades as a grandfather, he was able to auto-pilot some sincere interaction with his great-grandson, Jalen. He brought J $100(!) and then watched him throw a soft baseball around the living room. He listened as Jalen meticulously explained the intricate details of his hastily-scrawled drawings ("It's a baseball team!"). Hell, my grandfather and I even had a chance to compare recent medical histories (and, depending on your perspective, I'm either winning or losing). But, after a few hours, he was literally sliding down our couch. I'm convinced he finished the last two pounds of his meal while in R.E.M.

My Aunt: I've written about my aunt before. She'll always be the first lesbian I ever knew. I've been blessed to know many more gays and lesbians in my lifetime -- friends, acquaintances, co-workers and lightly-read blog readers. So, I hope those of you whom I know and love will forgive this bit of generalization, but I have never met a member of the gay community who wasn't incredible with kids -- mine, in particular. I really hope that doesn't sound like "Blacks sure run fast!" platitudes.

My aunt will be 60-years-old next March. She's shuffling around on bad knees and an even worse hip, but she absolutely ran Jalen ragged well into the evening. She pitched to him. She threw the football with him. She limped around the living room after him as part of the worst game of tag in the recorded history of humanity. She did the same stuff with me 30 years ago and...aw, crap. I'm getting choked up. Time to remember the TBG tone and point out she needed half a bottle of Tums to get through the evening and has a proclivity for early morning peein' with the door not-quite-closed.

Can't wait until Christmas.

More Jalen Speak

Actual conversations with my five-year-old son…


Last week, Jalen – while 99% asleep – came downstairs around 11:00 PM. I took him back upstairs, with a detour to the bathroom.

Me: "Are you finished?"

Jalen: [Unintelligible somnambulant mumbling.]

Me: "OK, let's get your pajama bottoms pulled up."

Jalen: [More mumbling.]

Me: "J, I can't understand you."

Jalen: [More mumbling, but with an obviously annoyed tint.]

Me: "J, what's the problem?"

Jalen: "I said, 'my underwear is pinching my penis!'"


Stopping off for a post-haircut ice cream…

Jalen: "Are you going to leave me in the car when you get the ice cream?"

Me: "What?! No, I'm not going to leave you in the car."

Jalen: "Mommy does."

Me: "WHAT?!"

(In the next beat, Jalen explained. Now, I COULD print his response – which fully exonerates Mrs. Bootleg – or I could cut it off right where I did. Decisions, decisions.)


Showing Jalen my 2nd grade class photo…

Me: "That's me when I was seven-years-old."

Jalen: "Wow. You used to be brown skinned, but now you're really light skinned."

Me: [Head explodes].

2009 NFL Pickery - Week #12

Last Week:

Tom: 13-3
Joe: 12-4
Aaron: 9-7


Season to Date:

Tom: 108-52
Joe: 106-54
Aaron: 100-60


Green Bay at Detroit

Aaron: A few years ago, there were rumblings that the NFL was planning to take the Lions' annual Thanksgiving home game away. The city put up a big stink and the league backed down. "You can take away our auto industry, Motown and our spirit, but hands off our late November home blowout losses, America!" Pick: Green Bay

Joe: Hey, I'm just happy for my annual holiday bonanza of fantasy points. No, not you, Frequently Injured Calvin Johnson. Pick: Green Bay


Oakland at Dallas

Aaron: Worst thing about Thanksgiving = hack sportswriters and broadcasters using the holiday to dredge up "turkey of the year" columns and commentary. "Turkey" hasn't been an acceptable derogatory term since Jimmie Walker left the airwaves, white people. Pick: Dallas

Joe: Hey, let's keep up the meaningless wins in a lost season, Raiders. That first round pick can drop safely behind the Bills aaaaany time. Pick: Dallas


N.Y. Giants at Denver

Aaron: Both teams are fighting for their playoff lives and both teams haven't looked good in recent weeks. Especially, Denver. Huh...that was easy. Pick: NY Giants

Joe: Man, this is gonna be a boring holiday with us picking the same teams. Perhaps I'll go with Denver... Pick: Denver (gulp)


Seattle at St. Louis

Aaron: Seattle's 28-0 shutout of the Rams earlier this season doesn't scare me off from picking St. Louis. Rams RB Steven Jackson missing most of this week's practices, though? Yikes! Pick: Seattle

Joe: Up through the first quarter of that Saints game, the Rams had been a fairly reliable pest -- good for keeping games close without exactly winning. I wouldn't be shocked if they won here -- but I also wouldn't be shocked if the Seahawks beat them by thirty. Pick: Seattle


Carolina at N.Y. Jets

Aaron: After 11 weeks worth of fantasy games, I think it's finally safe to g'head and release the NY Jets defense from my roster. Pick: Carolina

Joe: My faith in the Jets has not been rewarded this year. In similar news, Michael Jackson's faith in being alive has not been rewarded this year. Carolina's been hot lately. All signs point to a cooler game, right? (Note: This is why I don't gamble.) Pick: NY Jets


Tampa Bay at Atlanta

Aaron: I'll be honest: this rivalry has a lot less impact on me since erstwhile Buccaneer/Falcon RB Warrick Dunn returned to the forest moon of Endor after last season. Pick: Atlanta

Joe: As do-or-die games for the Falcons go, this one could be worse. Pick: Atlanta


Miami at Buffalo

Aaron: If I had known the Bills' new coach was Black, I'd have picked Buffalo last week on general principle. You know who else is Black? Ricky Williams. Pick: Miami

Joe: So Mike Shanahan met with the team for seven hours this past week regarding the head coaching vacancy. Now all we need is 1997 John Elway and Terrell Davis and we'll be in business! Pick: Miami


Washington at Philadelphia

Aaron: It's becoming obvious that the NFC East is planning to give us the league's first 7-9 division champion. Why can't us, Redskins fans! Answer - because your team is horrible. Pick: Philadelphia

Joe: The NFC East is still waiting for a team to back into its division title. There's still time for a few more non-fatal losses, Eagles! Pick: Philadelphia


Cleveland at Cincinnati

Aaron: Didn't we all agree that no struggling QB could use a good game against a terrible team and call it a "breakout performance"? Seriously, I thought this was a societal rule like "Always shake hands with your right hand". I'm not dusting off my Brady Quinn rookie cards yet. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: Losing to the Raiders was bad, yes, but losing to the Raiders and THEN the Browns? That should be followed by a voluntary abdication of your playoff spot. Don't make us peer-pressure you into that, Bengals. Pick: Cincinnati


Indianapolis at Houston

Aaron: If I've learned nothing else from the increasing canyon between me and Joe's win-loss record, it's to stop picking against undefeated teams. Even though, I know it's gonna burn me here. Pick: Indianapolis

Joe: Well, I mocked the Texans' ability to keep it close with the Colts last time and they almost won. This time, they'll have the law of averages even more solidly on their side. Pick: Houston


Jacksonville at San Francisco

Aaron: Have I picked a 49ers game correctly this season? Those of you who bet the opposite of me should take heed. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: The Jaguars cannot make the playoffs. The Jaguars cannot make the playoffs. The Jaguars cannot make the playoffs. Damn it. Pick: Jacksonville


Kansas City at San Diego

Aaron: At this writing, the Chargers have until 1:00 PM on Saturday to sell 1,300 tickets in hopes of avoiding their first TV blackout in five years. C'mon, blackout. These are the things a fan of bad team must root for: ruining other fans' weekend. Pick: San Diego

Joe: Looks like the Chargers have a bead on that ill-fated playoff matchup Cam prophesied a few weeks ago. Pick: San Diego


Chicago at Minnesota

Aaron: I gotta say, I'm genuinely surprised by how much I'm enjoying the Jay Cutler backlash. 11 weeks into the season and NOW pundits are realizing how he might not have been a good fit for the Bears' grind-it-out offense? Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Rot in hell, Bears running game. Rot deep in the core of hell. Pick: Minnesota


Arizona at Tennessee

Aaron: We've gotta put a stop to this ridiculous "run the table" talk coming out of Tennessee. I can think of no other way to assure a Titans loss than... Pick: Tennessee

Joe: Sticking with the hot hand. Of course, Arizona's got a hot hand too. Pick: Arizona


Pittsburgh at Baltimore

Aaron: Why do those in charge of picking prime time games think that a final score of 13-12 played on a soft bog is compelling television? Pick: Baltimore

Joe: As you all probably know, we've progressed from a Charlie Batch Watch to a Charlie Batch Warning. Please find a safe place to ride this out. Pick: Baltimore


New England at New Orleans

Aaron: Well, I've painted myself into quite the corner. I like the Patriots here, but in accordance with my new "undefeated" team rule... Pick: New Orleans

Joe: This time, when Belichick makes the a-hole call to go for it on 4th down in his own territory, it will be from the comfort of a 10-point lead. Pick: New England


Confidence Pickin' (with current scores)

Joe (32): RAVENS (+3) over Steelers; Dolphins (-3) over BILLS; VIKINGS (-10.5) over Bears

Aaron (30): RAVENS (+3) over Steelers; EAGLES (-9) over Redskins; Dolphins (-3) over BILLS

Tom (24): RAMS (+3) over Seahawks; Patriots (+2) over SAINTS; Jags (+3.5) over NINERS

Anatomy of a Family Portrait

When Mrs. Bootleg and I jumped the broom in 2002, we hired someone to shoot the obligatory wedding video. The resultant DVD was off-the-charts on the unintentional comedy scale. Ten minutes into the ceremony, I was glistening like this guy.

The DVD actually includes a "bonus features" section that plays a slideshow of That Bootleg Couple "through the years". Mrs. Bootleg's photo montage runs about three times as long as mine. As near as I can tell, my parents stopped taking pictures of me as soon as I ceased being "cute".

For the record, I'm talking about the kind of "cute" that begins when one's fresh from the womb and runs through early elementary school. Right around my eighth birthday, all photographic evidence of my adolescence comes to a screeching halt. As someone who built a lightly-read blog around self-deprecation, this hurts my heart more than you could know.

My lack of Kodak moments means that the morbidly obese, pre-teen version of me is lost to history. Ditto for my corduroy nut-hugging '80s shorts, my ill-advised high-top fade and an especially embarrassing stretch when 80% of my wardrobe was purple.

My son Jalen will not have this problem.

In his 5 ½ years on earth, he's been photographed 50 million times. If the time/date stamp on our digital camera was accurate, in the 48 hours after his birth, we took 112 pictures of the boy – most from behind the restrictive confines of the neo-natal intensive care unit. Who takes that many shots of anyone from behind the equivalent of bulletproof gas station attendant glass?

Anyways, one of the many, many unwritten rules of parenthood is that a new baby makes family portraits mandatory. And, despite my enormous forehead and sunken, emaciated face, I'm OK with this. The camera does love my mug (and, to a lesser extent, Mrs. Bootleg's and the boy's, too).

Our family portraits almost always double as our Christmas cards. For the first few years, we did the cheesy studio shot with the imitation "wintry" backdrop. Last year, however, I exercised one of my rarely-used paternal vetoes and put the kibosh on the shots from "Santa's Workshop".

We did a beach photo session last fall and this year…well, we're doing a beach session again. But, it's a different beach! In the same city. Just a little bit up the coast. But, it's a different beach. I think. Let's do this thang:

Friday, October 23: OMG, I need an outfit! Here are my problems (in no particular order) – I want to wear jeans, but I don't ever wear anything but shorts outside of work. I hadn't bought a pair of jeans in years and that was when I weighed around 190 lbs. I'm 20 lbs. lighter these days. I also need a shirt and some shoes, but I've completely lost my feel for what's cool, trendy, fashionable and/or fabulous.

I opt for a pair of jeans from the back of my closet that kinda-sorta fit, a pair of three-year-old Timberland boots that I might've worn five times total and a new long-sleeve button-down shirt. I'm reasonably confident that my ensemble could've passed for timely fashion in 2000-2001. At my age, "anywhere within the current decade" is great.

Saturday, October 24: Using her God-given powers of "all up in my business", Mrs. Bootleg sniffs out the new clothes smell coming from my closet. I tell her I bought a shirt for our pictures next Friday. She explains that she's not going to get worked up over what everyone is wearing. Then, she sees my new shirt and asks me if I'm worried my broad, vertical stripes will clash with Jalen's horizontal stripes.

Friday, October 30 – 1:30 PM: We arrive at La Jolla Shores and attempt to coordinate with the photographer via cell phone. Mrs. Bootleg – who is universally known as the LAST person you want holding a map, compass or programming a GPS – is attempting to decipher the photographer's location. We get out of the car and cross the street to meet her.

1:40 PM: After a scenic walk down the shore, we realize two things: (1) we're at the wrong beach and (2) we've got no cell phone coverage. It's about 68 degrees under a cloudless sky. We have a finite amount of time before my jeans, long-sleeve shirt and boots combo drive up my body temperature to less than photogenic levels. Even worse, the clock is ticking on "Good Jalen". His hyperactive alter ego could erupt at any minute.

1:50 PM: We find the right beach, we find the photographer. All is well.

1:55 PM: The photographer wants a few solo shots of Jalen. For whatever reason, Jalen hams it up with a series of inappropriate…baseball poses? This leads to Jalen demanding the photographer capture him pretending to hit from the right side AND the left side. "I'm a switch hitter", he insisted. Can a dad be both proud and annoyed?

2:25 PM: It's been 30 minutes. The photographer is exceedingly patient and pleasant, but Jalen's starting to crack. He takes direction and appreciates structure just fine in the classroom, but on a postcard afternoon outdoors, Jalen would rather be…a five-year-old boy.

2:45 PM: The photographer attempts to get an increasingly disinterested Jalen to pose for one last set of shots. Seizing on his competitive fire, she "races" him to a large tree. As Mrs. Bootleg cheers Jalen on, I suddenly realize how this will end. "Oh, sh*t, he's gonna slide…", I say. "J! Don't…!" Too late. Jalen executes a textbook baseball slide across the grass. Oh, excuse me…across the grass that's covered in about half an inch of standing water.

2:50 PM: With one muddy leg, Jalen makes it through the final shots, but not before Mrs. Bootleg nearly killed him. With so many witnesses present, she had to bottle up her maternal rage over the baseball slide. But, when Jalen started complaining and refused to pose…an arm was grabbed, a voice was raised, a neck vein was popping…and I wasn't involved. I'd have lost that bet.

Can't wait until next year.

TBG TV: FOX's Animation Domination – 11/22/2009

Sunday's Rankings (5-3-2-1 scoring)

(1) The Simpsons ("Pranks & Greens") - See what can happen with a relatively Homer-free episode? This was the best Simpsons of the still-young season with Bart in the unfamiliar "voice of reason" role. The secondary story was even better as Marge's repeated attempts to win over the members of her "Mom's Club" with healthy infant snacks hit…a little close to home. The $830 faux Whole Foods bill and immediately decomposing produce was a brilliant bit o' business.

(2) The Cleveland Show ("A Brown Thanksgiving") - I'm kind of hoping the writers have gotten all the vomit and farts out of their system for the season. I expect scatological humor within the confines of unfunny urban comedies featuring real Negroes. Don't need it in sitcoms with make-believe Black people, thanks. This one had its moments: Rallo's profane "sack of sh*t" bit and the talented Kym Whitley killing it as "Auntie Momma".

(3) Family Guy ("Jerome is the New Black") - Alright, white people…help me out here. Are jokes about the size of a Black guy's junk, their insatiable sexual appetite and the threat they might rob you still funny in 2009? I appreciated the "I speak jive" nod to Airplane, but it only served as a 30-year-old reminder on how a satire of Black culture should be done. And, the Quagmire/Brian stuff was just…mean. Even worse, there was no payoff, which seemed like a cop-out considering how far out of character Quagmire was written.

(4) American Dad! ("My Morning Straitjacket") - Yeah…see, here's the thing. I've never seen Almost Famous. Sorry, kids…your ol' Uncle Aaron wasn't exactly in the film's "target demographic". Consequently, the assorted cinematic references fell flat to my unappreciative ears. And, My Morning Jacket does nothing for me as a band, so I wasn't connecting to…well, pretty much every g*ddam moment of this episode.

MVP: Marge Simpson's overnight attraction to organic produce – followed by her immediate conversion back to preservative-laden snack cakes – mirrors the peer pressured decision making of a certain midget wife of mine.

Quote of the Night: "If he lost that giant inhaler, he'd really be in trouble with his parents." – Milhouse (The Simpsons)


Current Standings

The Simpsons – 21
The Cleveland Show – 19
Family Guy – 18
American Dad! – 18

2009 Final A'ssessment: Catcher & DH

Kurt Suzuki – C (.274/.313/.421)

2009 Grade: B

The Good: Everyone who writes about Suzuki is obligated to mention un-measureable, anecdotal attributes like "he calls a good game" and "he's good with Oakland's young pitchers". And, he IS fun to watch behind the plate as he's solid on defense without the shortcomings of recent A's catchers like Jason Kendall (threw like a girl) and Ramon Hernandez (the next time he blocks the plate and takes a home plate collision will be the first time). On offense, he doubled his HR output and added 50 points to his SLG.

The Not-So-Good: I didn't realize how mediocre Suzuki was at the plate for most of the season – especially considering that on May 1 he was hitting .352/.397/.463. For the next 4 ½ months (through September 15), he hit only .253/.285/.386. His OBP dropped more than 30 points from 2008, as he expanded the strike zone and swung at pretty much everything (just 28 walks in 614 PAs). For the second straight year, Suzuki led the AL in games started behind the plate and – following a maddening recent pattern – the A's seem perfectly fine with their starting catcher going two weeks without a day off.


Jack Cust – DH (.240/.356/.417)

2009 Grade: D+

The Good: Led the A's in home runs for the third straight season – and almost half of his 25 were with runners on base! Cust wisely ditched his more aggressive approach at the plate (he was hitting .224/.316/.407 on June 30) and posted a .256/.395/.428 line from July 1 through the end of the season. Graciously signed a ball for my son during Spring Training AND he lists Jay-Z as his favorite musician. You're OK by me, ya big lug.

The Not-So-Good: Cust's OPS in each of the past three seasons has dropped precipitously (.912, .857, .773). He's an ill fit for the 3-4-5 hole, but the A's simply don't have anyone better to put there. Cust's defense is the sports equivalent to the comedy with a sad ending…and when your team's best power hitter evokes a Terms of Endearment reference, it's time to reassess your roster. He pulled down $2.8M in 2009, with an arbitration raise for 2010 an absolute certainty. The early word is that our boy-genius GM wants him back.

2009 NFL Pickery - Week #11

Last Week:

Aaron: 10-5
Tom: 10-5
Joe: 9-6

Season to Date:

Tom: 95-49
Joe: 94-50
Aaron: 91-53


Miami at Carolina

Aaron: Can we all agree that the Panthers upset win over Atlanta last week carries slightly less weight than the whole "Dolphins lost their best player for the rest of the season" thing? Pick: Carolina

Joe: Everything seems to be pointing to Carolina here. Ronnie Brown's injury. The Panthers have been running the ball very effectively as of late. They're at home. Which kind of makes it exactly the kind of game Miami would win just to fuck with me. It's all about me. Pick: Miami


Indianapolis at Baltimore

Aaron: 4...3...1. Those are the margins of victory for the Colts over the past three weeks. The next number in this random pattern would be something like -2 and random patterns - while easy to manipulate - don't lie. Pick: Baltimore

Joe: While it's tough to argue with academia, I figure I'm gonna let this Colts thing ride until it doesn't. Pick: Indianapolis


Seattle at Minnesota

Aaron: Since Mike Holmgren is no longer coaching the Seahawks, what tired Brett Favre storyline will be overreported come Sunday? No fair saying "all of them". Pick: Minnesota

Joe: Oh, like they won't bring that up anyway. Minnesota's leisurely sleigh ride to the playoffs continues. Pick: Minnesota


New Orleans at Tampa Bay

Aaron: Are the Saints actually going to have to lose a game before anyone realizes their entire defense is nothing more than extremely vivid Pixar animation? Pick: New Orleans

Joe: Um...yes? They'll probably have to lose for the first time all season before we start picking them apart. Pick: New Orleans


Atlanta at N.Y. Giants

Aaron: Is it too late to make the "With all the RB injuries in Atlanta, has anyone checked on the availability of Ironhead Heyward?" joke? Too late or too soon? Pick: NY Giants

Joe: Aw. Jamal Anderson weeps at being excluded from your little joke there. In other news, the loser of this one is looking at a seriously uphill climb to the playoffs. I'd like to think the Giants are just, at base, a better team, but...are they? Pick: NY Giants


Washington at Dallas

Aaron: During a schizophrenic, unpredictable Cowboys season, we can all agree on one thing: they're going to win on Thanksgiving Day. Here, too. Pick: Dallas

Joe: Well, Washington got their one crazy win last week (it's taking everything I have not to mention that I totally called it, even if I pussed out of picking it that way). They can pack it in for the season now. Pick: Dallas


Pittsburgh at Kansas City

Aaron: All that's missing from the Steelers' last few weeks of their lame-duck "defending" championship reign are Presidential pardons for past player transgressions. All is forgiven, Kordell Stewart. Pick: Pittsburgh

Joe: They lost one game in their last six. I wouldn't start building the Mike Tomlin Presidential Library yet. Pick: Pittsburgh


Buffalo at Jacksonville

Aaron: Wait, so...Dick Jauron was the problem all along? Huh. Well, then...problem solved. I guess. Pick: Jacksonville

Joe: Dick Jauron was certainly A problem. The fact that we have a good dozen more doesn't mean he didn't need to get fired. Soon comes the fun part where any head coach worth a damn turns down the job because they're too pussy to deal with snow. Pick: Jacksonville


Cleveland at Detroit

Aaron: Are we going to be allowed to bet on "how soon after the regular season" that the Browns fire Eric Mangini? I assume bettors will lay action in 15 minute increments after Cleveland's last game. Pick: Detroit

Joe: Rather than make yet another "hasn't the city of Detroit been through enough?" joke, maybe we should all consider if Detroit had this coming. You can't just allow Andre the Giant to get bodyslammed in your city and have no consequences. Pick: Detroit


San Francisco at Green Bay

Aaron: Depending on the weather, this one has a chance to be uglier than last week's Niners-Bears game - which I didn't see because it was on the NFL Network. But, the highlights? Unwatchable. Pick: San Francisco

Joe: Green Bay needs to win a couple more games before the next time they let their fans down. Pick: Green Bay


Arizona at St. Louis

Aaron: Kurt Warner. Jesus. The Cardinals used to play in St. Louis. I stared at this game for 10 minutes and couldn't find a way to make those three things into a blurb. Pick: Arizona

Joe: And Kurt Warner used to play for St. Louis. And now all he does is PRAY to St. Louis. ...Wait, he's not Catholic, is he? DAMN IT, it's harder than I thought. Pick: Arizona


Cincinnati at Oakland

Aaron: On one hand, I'm pleased that JaMarcus Russell has been benched in favor of, well, anyone else. On the other hand, I'm pleased that JaMarcus Russell has been benched in favor of, well, anyone else. Pick: Cincinnati

Joe: Cedric Benson picked an awfully cushy week to get hurt. Pick: Cincinnati


San Diego at Denver

Aaron: Before I recanted and hopped on the Broncos' bandwagon, I told you guys that they were frauds! Pick: San Diego

Joe: This feels like a "not so fast" game. Pick: Denver


N.Y. Jets at New England

Aaron: Not only will the Pats win - and win big - but, this game will kickstart the "Pats are pissed after the Colts debacle and taking it out on everyone in their path" season-ending storyline. Yawn. Pick: New England

Joe: Have you ever played video games against one of your really unbearably competitive friends who'd lose and totally sulk and overreact and flip out and throw the controller? And while you wish the controller wasn't broken, it was still pretty satisfying to see them all bent out of shape? Yeah, the Jets are that video game controller. Pick: New England


Philadelphia at Chicago

Aaron: Dear San Diego...the notion that NBC would "flex" out this game in favor of Chargers/Broncos is stupid. Eagles + Bears = national following. Chargers + Broncos = two teams I hate, hate, hate. Pick: Chicago

Joe: I hate both these teams. Pick: Philadelphia


Tennessee at Houston

Aaron: Vince Young is essentially running a four-play Tecmo Bowl offense right now, so let's all stop using words like "resurgent" to describe the Titans right now, K? Pick: Houston

Joe: At the very least, Vince Young has muted that "Jeff Fisher might get fired" crazy talk. Pick: Houston


Confidence Pickin' (with current scores)

Joe (31): Steelers (-10) CHIEFS; BUCS (+11) over Saints; Bills (+8.5) over JAGS

Aaron (27): Bengals (-9.5) over RAIDERS; Chargers (-3) over BRONCOS; VIKINGS (-10.5) over Seahawks

Tom (21): Titans +4.5 over TEXANS; Bengals (-9.5) over RAIDERS; Steelers (-10) over CHIEFS