Sunday, February 2, 2014

2014 NFL Pickery -- Super Bowl XLVIII

Seattle v. Denver (-2.5)

Joe: Big one. Not a prediction to be taken lightly. This goes beyond Seattle's league-best defense versus Denver's league-best offense. This goes beyond Peyton Manning vs. Richard Sherman, Marshawn Lynch vs. the media, or Eric Decker vs. Shirts (BOOOOOOOO, Shirts!). There are so many categories that need to be investigated:

Best Real World Season: This one's easy. Seattle was either the best or maaaaaybe the second-best season of the entire series. Denver may well have been the worst. Advantage: Seahawks

Best Wrestler: The Rocky Mountains of Denver are represented by Vader. Seattle gets Greg "The Hammer" Valentine. Vader was a monster WCW champ back in the day, while Valentine had to dye his hair black and join a tag team with the Honky Tonk Man AND his finisher was the figure-four leg lock in an era when Ric Flair owned that move. Advantage: Broncos

Best Movie: Movies set in Seattle include Singles, The Ring, My Own Private Idaho, and The Fabulous Baker Boys. Denver is stuck with Things to Do in Denver When You're Dead and half of About Schmidt. Advantage: Seahawks

Well, that makes it easier, doesn't it?

Prediction: Seattle 29, Denver 21

Aaron: JOE TOOK ALL THE GOOD COMPS. That means I either have to scrape the bottom of the pop culture comparison barrel or offer up well-informed insight and analysis on football -- a sport I played at the Pop Warner level for one ill-fated season in 1985, before a fake injury sidelined me after one game.

Best TV Series: Mork & Mindy was actually set in Boulder, Colorado, not Denver. South Park isn't in Denver, either, so that leaves us either with the Disney Channel's kid-friendly Good Luck, Charlie and...Dynasty! What Seattle got? Frasier? Oh, no. No, no, no. Dynasty had that theme music! Krystal and Alexis! And, when Diahann Carroll joined the cast, my mom about lost her mind. ("Julia's back! They put Julia back on TV!") This one ain't close, kids. Advantage: Broncos

Best Brands: Remember this link from everyone's Facebook pages and Twitter retweets last summer? It makes for a conveniently decisive second fall here. Coors vs. Starbucks?  Big-brand "banquet" beer vs. commercialized coffee? Sorry, but only one of these beverages got me through the first few months of fatherhood, back when Jalen wasn't sleeping through the night and the stress of his delicate medical condition weighed heavily on my mind. No, it's was Starbucks. Advantage: Seahawks

Best G.I. Joe Character: Lifeline (real name: Edwin J. Steen) debuted in 1986 during the "Serpentor" season of the animated television series. The Seattle native most famously helped Roadblock regain his sight in 1987's excellent (and underappreciated) G.I. Joe movie.  Hawk (real name: Clayton M. Abernathy) also debuted during the "Arise, Serpentor..." miniseries. Born in Denver, he followed Duke and Flint as the on-air leader of the Joes. He wasn't as two-dimensional as Duke and nowhere near as douchey as Flint, but he IS the commander who -- in the cartoon storyline -- recruited Sgt. Slaughter to whip the Joes into fighting shape. Oof, those Sgt. Slaughter episodes.  Advantage: Seahawks

Prediction: Seattle 30, Denver 28

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