How Well Do You Know Mrs. Bootleg?

(1) Several years ago, Mrs. Bootleg absolutely RUINED a group outing to Six Flags Magic Mountain when she:

(a) Spent the entire day incessantly complaining about the crowds and long lines.
(b) Needed 90 minutes – and parking lot security – to find our car after the park closed.
(c) Loudly and dramatically refused to ride "Tidal Wave" citing every chapter and verse from the book of "Black Women Don't Get Their Hair Wet".
(d) Felt sick on the drive to Magic Mountain, threw up a few minutes after entering the park and spent the next 6-7 hours doubled over with a vicious stomach bug.

(2) Which interaction occurred between Mrs. Bootleg and a member of my beloved Oakland A's during our first trip to Spring Training in 2001?

(a) Second base prospect Jose Ortiz casually walked over and started flirting with her.
(b) Infielder Frank Menechino obscenely gestured towards hecklers who correctly noted he was shorter than Mrs. Bootleg.
(c) She sheepishly apologized to reigning MVP Jason Giambi after I might've knocked down a few children to get his autograph.
(d) Outfielder Terrence Long mistook her for a member of his extended family.

(3) Mrs. Bootleg was born and raised in Utah. Utah! Which three states actually have a larger African-American population?

(a) Alaska
(b) New Hampshire
(c) Iowa
(d) Rhode Island

(4) When Mrs. Girlfriend Bootleg's friend Jen got engaged, how did she react to the news?

(a) At 10:00 AM, she called me at work to share the exciting announcement.
(b) At 10:30 AM, she called me at work to ask "Where is OUR relationship going?"
(c) At 11:00 AM, she called me at work and chewed me out for 15 minutes.
(d) Later that day, at a tailgate party and Padres baseball game – that lasted from noon until 10:00 PM – she didn't say one word to me.
(e) All of the above.

(5) No lie. No exaggeration. I just counted. I'm being 100% serious here. How many bottles of hair care products does Mrs. Bootleg have in the shower at this very moment?

(a) 16
(b) 18
(c) 20
(d) 22

(6) Which of these stereotypical male responsibilities has Mrs. Bootleg NOT YET taken the lead role on in our house?

(a) Grilling and barbecuing.
(b) Assembling shelves, tables, etc.
(c) Completing minor/moderate household repairs.
(d) Managing all household finances.

(7) The week before Mrs. Bootleg gave birth to our son, she was admitted to the hospital with preeclampsia – a very serious condition marked by extremely high blood pressure. One of the symptoms was tremendous swelling in her face. At her worst, which celebrity did she resemble most?

(a) The athlete.
(b) The movie star.
(c) The rapper.
(d) The comic book character.

(8) Where would Mrs. Bootleg rank (either on the weekends or during family vacations) amongst this list of most pronounced animal sleeping habits?

(a) Koala (up to 22 hours/day).
(b) Brown bat (up to 20 hours/day).
(c) Pangolin (up to 18 hours/day).

(9) Mrs. Bootleg is a phenomenal cook. In all the years I've known her, I've only had to issue one "dining room veto" and ask that she never, ever again darken my dinner plate with which of these entrées? (All of which she's made at least once.)

(a) Her 10-pound lasagna that's inexplicably 99% pasta.
(b) Her giant batches of deep, deep-fried French fries fresh from her 15-year-old Fry-Daddy™.
(c) Her Cornish game hens, which strike a delicate balance between super-dry white meat and super-greasy dark meat.
(d) Her angel-hair pasta with garlic shrimp. A tasty-enough meal, but quite possibly the most unsatisfying, least-filling food ever invented.

(10) Which of these songs is NOT on Mrs. Bootleg's iPod?

(a) What We Do – Freeway featuring Jay-Z and Beanie Sigel
(b) Remember the Time – Michael Jackson
(c) Copacabana – Barry Manilow
(d) You'll Never Find Another Love Like Mine – Lou Rawls
(e) Wanted Dead or Alive – Bon Jovi


Happy Birthday, Mrs. Bootleg, from all of us me here at TBG!






Answers: 1(d); 2(a); 3(a)(c)(d); 4(e); 5(d)…seriously!; 6(c)…that's what handymen are for; 7(b); 8(between (b) and (c)); 9(c); 10(b)

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