Last Week
Joe : 8-8
Aaron: 8-8
Current Standings
Joe: 20-12
Aaron: 16-16
NY Giants at Carolina
Aaron: I don't watch enough Giants games to know if last weekend's come-from-behind win in Tampa Bay is the first ever one-game/in-game consolidation of "Elite" Eli Manning and his occasionally error-prone split personality. I'm also not sure how the Giants will respond on a short week while still nursing some injuries on offense. I do know I'm 0-2 on midweek predictions, though. Pick: Carolina
Joe: Hakeem Nicks isn't playing for
the Giants, and they reeeeally looked like they should have lost that Tampa
game last week. All of these things, plus the home-field-on-a-short-week thing
should add up to a Panthers upset. Oh, but what about the transitive
property??? New York beat Tampa Bay; Tampa Bay beat Carolina; therefore New
York beats Carolina! When does that EVER not work in the NFL?? (Or maybe it's
just that the Thursday games are more fun when we pick different teams.) Pick:
NY Giants
St. Louis at Chicago
Aaron: Look...I
know that Bears QB Jay Cutler the perfect punching bag for a
litany of reasons. But, the "same
ol' Cutler" celebrations that broke out across the interwebs during last
week's loss to Green Bay is shortsighted even by online standards. Does his pouty sourpuss really outweigh the
NFC Championship game and 7-4 record-before-he-got-hurt-last-year on his
resume? Pick: Chicago
Joe:
You'll have to bear with me, as I'm nursing injuries from being trampled
by the stampede of fantasy owners to pick up St. Louis's Danny Amendola. I lost
out, so I'll have to console myself with him going 4-37 this week. I like the
Rams, actually. But they're still figuring some stuff out, and I think the
Bears in Chicago on three extra days' rest will be okay. Pick:
Chicago
Buffalo at Cleveland
Aaron: Let's go ahead and set the
over/under for the number of national sports columnists who'll use this game as
the foundation for a 1,200-word piece on the disappearance of sepia-toned,
old-timey Pleasantville America at 2.5. 5.5 if either team plays the Lions later this
season. Pick: Buffalo
Joe: Ugh. I hate road games against
teams you *should* beat. I couldn't be happier with what we've seen out of CJ
Spiller, but thus far he's the ONLY thing happening on the Bills' offense, and
I worry what'll happen when teams figure that out. Pick:
Cleveland
Tampa Bay
at Dallas
Aaron: Forget the season-opening win
against the Giants and last week's loss to the Seahawks. THIS will be the game
that tells us what kind of team the Cowboys are. An eminently beatable opponent at home? The champion of the NFC East will need to
feast on the league's entrails in order to reach the nine wins needed to
conquer this division. Pick:
Dallas
Joe: Tampa's been unexpectedly tough
thus far, and they should've beaten the Giants last week. But the Cowboys will
probably do this win one/lose one/win one thing all season. Pick:
Dallas
NY Jets
at Miami
Aaron: Dolphins RB Reggie Bush won't
benefit from the Raiders benevolent run defense this week. But, while the Jets are undeniably the better
team, I think this one ends up a lot closer when it goes final. Jets QB Mark Sanchez has been accused of
everything else in his tenure, so is there any chance we can get "plays
down to the level of his competition" in the mix for next Monday's
ESPN First Take?
Pick: NY Jets
Joe: It's weird, the Jets looked SO good
in the first quarter against the Steelers and then seemed to just ... stop.
Three more quarters this time, guys! Pick: NY Jets
San Francisco at Minnesota
Aaron: I've been indifferent towards
the 49ers since Deion Sanders' lone season in San Francisco nearly 20 (!) years
ago. I kinda doubt
this season will end with a glorious shellacking of the San
Diego Chargers in the Super Bowl, but a few more weeks at this level and I
could be talked into the Niners shellacking someone come
February. Pick: San
Francisco
Joe: From the way Cris Collinsworth
was talking during last week's handling of the Lions, the Niners already HAVE
shellacked someone in the Super Bowl come February. I wasn't expecting such
prolific butt-kissing from a guy whose career pinnacle was losing to those same
49ers in the Super Bowl. Pick: San Francisco
Kansas City at New Orleans
Aaron: Incompetent Chiefs head coach
Romeo Crennel went 24-40 while leading the Browns from 2005-08. He went 2-1 as interim head coach of the
Chiefs last year and was rewarded with a three-year contract. If this isn't discussed during one of next
month's presidential debates, I will be very disappointed in you, America. Pick: New Orleans
Joe: The Bills offense put 35 on the
Chiefs last week. Don't embarrass yourself and fall short of that, Drew Brees!
Pick: New Orleans
Cincinnati at Washington
Aaron: I'm old enough to remember when
the Redskins had one of the largest national followings in all of sports back
in the early 1980s. I dunno if Robert
Griffin III will ever approach the organic popularity of Theismann, Riggins, the
"Smurfs" and the "Hogs", but I'm a sucker for the
electricity that a player like Griffin can inject into a devoted fanbase. It's finna be loud,
Bengals. Pick:
Washington
Joe: Does it have to be the
Redskins fans who get to be so injected? They're just so
insufferable when they're winning, and for a team that
hasn't won much lately, you'd think they'd be out of practice. Slow down,
dudes, you're 1-1. Pick: Washington
Detroit at Tennessee
Aaron: Perhaps I'm in the minority,
but I'm not ready to place Lions QB Matt Stafford alongside Ben Roethlisberger
in the pantheon of great swollen-faced signal-callers just yet. The 49ers look like a VERY good team, but it
also appeared that the Lions offense turned off the urgency and took several
plays off in the second half of their loss last week. The Titans are a VERY bad team, so... Pick: Detroit
Joe: You think you're in the minority?
After these last two weeks of Stafford incompetence. JUST THROW SOME STUPID
TOUCHDOWNS, YOU ASS! Pick: Tennessee
Jacksonville at Indianapolis
Aaron: The Jags and Colts both put up
23 points against the Vikings this season while allowing 26 and 20 to
Minnesota, respectively. So...what's it
all mean? It means another week of
limited regional TV coverage for all teams involved and that I won't learn the
final score until I'm doing my picks for next week. Pick:Indianapolis
Joe: Andrew Luck, people! This is
happening! Pick: Indianapolis
Philadelphia at Arizona
Aaron: Like the rest of you, in lieu
of any actual analysis on Cardinals games, I'm looking forward to several more
weeks of pithy bitchiness directed towards Arizona WR Larry Fitzgerald and his
deleterious impact on my fantasy football team's chances. Pick: Arizona
Joe: 3-0 Arizona Cardinals? I don't
think any of us are remotely ready for that. Pick: Philadelphia
Atlanta
at San Diego
Aaron: Chargers fans here in San Diego
don't wanna hear none of your triflin' mess about how their football team
hasn't defeated a team with a win yet.
They're 2-0, so shut your stupid face, HATER! And, you just can't argue with insight like
that, yo. Pick: Atlanta
Joe: "Hasn't defeated a team with
a win yet"? In week 3? That is adorable. First team to learn what a running
game is wins. Pick: San Diego
Houston
at Denver
Aaron: Safe to say Peyton Manning's
right arm is the quickest "dead, resurrected, dead again" storyline
in more than 25 years. The record is
still held by the "Dark Awakening" episode of the Generation One
Transformers cartoon when Optimus Prime is brought back to life. OR WAS HE?
No. He dies again in the end. I just told you. Pick: Houston
Joe: Houston's fed on the league's
worst teams to start the season, but Miami has a win so I guess that makes them
legit! (Sorry, sorry, but ... man, I like this line of analysis!) Pick:
Houston
Pittsburgh at Oakland
Aaron: No rhyme. No reason. I think
Oakland wins a low-scoring, ugly affair full of field goals from the infield
dirt, incomplete passes and five or six shots of fans fighting in the
stands. Pick: Oakland
Joe: Pittsburgh's kind of asking for
it this season. I would LOVE to make this upset pick too, but I am just too
much of a chicken. Pick: Pittsburgh
New England at Baltimore
Aaron: The argument for picking the
Patriots seems to be "New England will NOT lose two in a row". This kind of wishcasting conveniently sweeps
last week's loss at home to an NFC West team that's
not San Francisco under the rug.
That's a LOT of italics, I'm just saying. Pick: Baltimore
Joe: Baltimore SHOULD have beaten New
England in the AFC Championship game last year, and in this world, wrongs are
ALWAYS righted. Pick: Baltimore
Green Bay
at Seattle
Aaron: One of these weeks, the Packers
are going to re-establish their dominance Oz-style. And, God help whoever's on the receiving end
of that shiv. Pick: Green
Bay
Joe: What's the over/under on how long
it'll take everyone to figure out if Seattle is any good or not? Week 9? Week
13? Pick: Green Bay
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