"Your CAT scan is a disaster."

One week ago, I visited my allergist and was told I had…issues. My current situation required a CAT scan, which was administered this morning. If you were following along with my Twitter account, you'd know that my AM was filled with DMX, Heavy D and little old ladies. Oh, and for two minutes I lay prone in the most sterile room I've ever entered so that several intrusive images of my sinuses' insides could be taken.

A few hours later, I received a phone call from my allergist. I'd never received bad news from a doctor before, so I didn't pick up on her cues:

"I apologize for calling you on your cell phone like this."

"I probably should've seen you as soon as your CAT scan was finished."

"Is this a good time to talk? Do you have a few minutes?"

I'd gone into work for a few hours, but stepped out into the hallway to take the call. All things considered, I was feeling pretty good. I'd cashed in one of my McDonald's coupons for a free McGriddle. It was the same glorious union of pancake and pork that it's always been. More importantly, I could TASTE the damn thing. Thanks to my sinuses, there have been several times over the past few weeks when everything I ate tasted/smelled like nothing.

So, imagine my surprise when the doctor actually dropped a "yikes" not sixty seconds into our conversation (paraphrased for your pleasure):

"Your CAT scan is a disaster. You've got an abnormal growth of soft tissue throughout your sinuses which is impacting practically all of your sinus paths. This has created extensive inflammation which is probably what's affecting your senses of taste and smell. The soft tissue problem has almost certainly confirmed that there are polyps present. This is pretty much the worst-case scenario going forward."

Awesome~! I've got a time scheduled to see the ENT specialist. Keeping in mind that the words "worst-case scenario" were used, how soon do you think I can get in? September? October? You fools. Try November 3. But, I was told that they'd "try to get me in earlier". I won't hold my breath, since my sinuses are doing it for me.

For now, the doctor wants to get me back on the steroid n' antibiotics cocktail. She even suggested a bunch of drugs I'd already taken to no avail.

Honestly, 2009, I've been tapping out to you for months. What more do you want from me?