TBG Recipe: Sassy Tuna Salad

Current Weight: 169.4 lbs.

Back when Mrs. Bootleg and I were just Girlfriend n' Boyfriend Bootleg, we split the cooking responsibilities almost equally. Over time, Mrs. Bootleg has assumed control of the kitchen and I'd be lying if I said I was uncomfortable with this arrangement. These days, my culinary contributions are few and far between, but there's still one dish I dust off semi-regularly.

The city of San Diego endured a rare, rainy Saturday this past weekend, so I rolled to the store and picked up fixins for what I call "sassy tuna salad". A more appropriate description would be "spicy tuna salad", but I daresay there's not another tuna salad out there that captures the stereotypical ethnic attitude of the 1970s and 1980s.

This is the only recipe that I can legitimately claim as my own. Mrs. Bootleg believed my last batch was the best ever and it just so happened to be the first time I ever actually measured the ingredients, instead of going by taste-n-feel:

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One (1) 12-ounce can Bumblebee-brand chunk light tuna in water (Don't cheap out here, kids. This'll run you between $3 and $4, but it's worth it.)

1/3 cup of mayonnaise

1 tablespoon of sweet relish

1/4 cup of diced tomatoes (I use 1/3 cup, but your mileage may vary)

1/4 cup of finely diced onions

1 heapin' tablespoon of chopped fresh cilantro

3 or 4 small pickled chili peppers (stemmed), finely diced (seeds and all)

Dash of black pepper


1.) Drain tuna (sorry, gotta assume I'm writing for men, here) and flake into a medium-sized bowl.

2.) Add mayonnaise and relish; stir thoroughly.

3.) Add tomatoes and onions, stir thoroughly some more.

4.) Add cilantro and chili peppers, stir thoroughly some more. Again.

5.) Hit it with a shot of pepper and stir one last time.


Personally, I think it tastes infinitely better when tightly covered and left in the refrigerator overnight. Mrs. Bootleg, however, hovers like a horsefly until I declare it "done", then swoops in for some.

Serving recommendation: This'll make the best tuna melt you'll ever eat or serve it as an hors d'oeuvre with the criminally underrated Olive Oil & Cracked Pepper-flavored Triscuit crackers. Classy!