TBG Eats: Chick-fil-A

Current Weight: 167.0 lbs.

I don't want to say it's been a long, long time since I last ate at Chick-fil-A, but my most recent visit was at a location in a mall next to a place called The Space Station – the coolest video arcade to open in 1983.

In the 25 years since then, it seemed that Chick-fil-A and I were always playing a sort of gastrointestinal phone tag. Perhaps I'd drive past during one of my many short-lived attempts to eat better. Or, maybe Mrs. Bootleg bitchily didn't wanna spend her birthday dinner there (emphasis hers). And, if I had a nickel for all the times we ended up in the vicinity of a Chick-fil-A on a Sunday…

So, it was quite the surprise when the planets aligned this past Friday.

The Bootleg Family had tickets for (sigh) Playhouse Disney Live on Tour at the San Diego Sports Arena. We arrived about 45 minutes early for the 6:30 PM show and within the dated, aging arena complex is a Red Lobster. And, a Chick-fil-A!

It took a lot for me to break Disney's hypnotic hold on my son ("I wanna see Mickey Mouse!"), but a quick yank of his fallen, crying carcass from the parking lot asphalt and we were off n' eatin'!

Back in the early 80s, I was decades ahead of today's childhood obesity craze. Like the rest of the fat and unloved, I substituted food for hugs and seemed to remember this place's teeny chicken sandwiches rarely satisfying my enormous eight-year-old appetite.

Today's original Chick-fil-A sandwich is a decent-sized piece of white meat, breaded and seasoned…with the tears of Jesus. I cannot overstate how delicious this simple lil' sammich was, kids. The golden bird is shoved into the same ol' toasted buttered bun and topped with two pickle slices. These innocuous ingredients merge to form an awesomely edible Devastator. Our son smoked his four chicken nuggets like crispy crack rocks, too.

I wish Chick-fil-A's waffle fries could catch up with their chicken, as mine were bland, dry and, most egregiously, practically salt-free. I shan't hold this against the kids working the counter at the Sports Arena location, though. Just, make way for the bird.

Grade (Original Chicken Sandwich): 5 (out of 5)
Grade (Waffle Fries): 1