Mrs. Bootleg vs. The Hamburger King

I strolled into work today, plopped myself down and opened my email. At the top of the unread pile was a reminder from one of the marketing guys:

"Are you almost done with the contracts write-up for the Government's report?"

I had two weeks to get this done and it's due tomorrow. As of 8:00 AM this morning, I still hadn't clicked on that cute little "New Blank Document" icon in the upper left-hand corner of my MS Word toolbar.

It was a challenging day at the office.

I threw in the towel after 10 hours and came home to find Mrs. Bootleg in the process of tossing some plate-sized patties of ground cow on the ol' propane Jane. I tried to sneak past my son and into the kitchen in the hope of having one uninterrupted beer before I had to be a father for the next 90 minutes (or until he fell asleep, whichever came first).

Instead, I scored a front-row seat for one of Jalen's patented "half-tantrums" – no tears or screaming, just a firm entrenchment in his position.

"I don't like hamburgers! I want hot dogs!", Jalen said. Mrs. Bootleg quickly reminded the boy that we were having hamburgers.

"But, I don't like your hamburgers. I only eat hamburgers from The King.", Jalen responded.

I pretty much lost it at this point and haven't stopped laughing since. Jalen could've left it alone – Mrs. Bootleg had this indecisive look that I read to say "Should I cry or kill him?" But, no…Jalen twisted the dagger with, "I only eat hamburgers from Hamburger King."

He referred to THIS GUY by his full name!

In the end, the boy choked down half of a burger, while his mother spent all of our dinnertime pettily criticizing Jalen for every little thing: eating too fast, putting too much in his mouth, not eating enough, making a mess. Of course, I made sure to inhale two of these sirloin bad boys – at the eventual cost of my colon – to ensure that Mrs. Bootleg's culinary confidence wasn't too shaken.

They were pretty damn good, too. But, just between you and me…Mrs. Bootleg ain't no Hamburger King.