...swatted a surefire single to centerfield, only to be thrown out at first base.
...claims to throw FIVE different pitches.
...has run more disciplinary laps than everyone else on the team combined.
...has overrun second and third base more than everyone else in organized baseball combined.
...is, inexplicably, the only player on the team who knows how to slide.
...sobbed softly in the dugout during a recent 10-0 win because he didn't get to pitch.
...hasn't had a hit all season.
...has thrown more than 25% of the team's total innings pitched and just returned from a strained bicep.
...calls me "sir", instead of "coach".
...gave up five runs in 1/3 of an inning after demanding to know if he'll EVER pitch again.