"That Was My First Asian!"

One of the many residual benefits of being an Oakland A's fan is the daily newsletter I receive from The San Francisco Chronicle. As most of you would suspect, "The Chron" is one of America's most left-wing liberal rags (which is fine by me, but I'm well aware that much of my readership voted for "Mumbly Joe" back in the '96 elections).

Anyways, there's virtually no chance that this front page article would've appeared anywhere near your newspaper this morning. Thankfully, the Blue States are, again, leading the way.

Now, for those of you who clicked on that link and quickly clicked away in fear of having to actually read those 1,287 words, all you really need to see are the last four and a half paragraphs:

Saundra Parola (NSFW), a second-year student at California State University Chico, told her parents that some of the photos posted online in the CollegeHumor.com contest were from a modeling gig she took for $50 because she was broke. They weren't happy with the photo of her in a see-through top.

"They said next time just to ask them, and they'd give me the money," she said. "They said I'm better than that. And they're right, they're right. I'm not going to do that again."

Chastened, Parola is still fuming over her loss last week to "Jamie L." of Gettysburg College. She wants to be a professional model or weather forecaster and hoped the exposure would help her to be discovered.

"I'm just mad that I lost to a woman I think I'm way better than. She just went with that pull-a-football-jersey-up-halfway-and-wear-a-bikini look. Guys love that," Parola said.

"Next year," she said, "I'm going with full body shots."

Here are Five Things I Think I Think:

1.) One of TBG's few female readers said it best: "$50 for photos isn't a 'modeling gig', it's a 'kiddie porn gig'."

2.) In the span of just three quotes, Parola manages to take both sides of the argument, while showing regret, resentment, rage, then vowing revenge. For those of you in the other 49 states, all California women are similarly schizophrenic. As men, we do our part by dating the ones who have so little self-confidence as to pose half-naked on the internet in a sad cry for acceptance. Thanks for the free advertisement, Saundra. It saves us from having to spend $17.00 on two cosmopolitans in hopes of getting you properly buzzed just to hear that "no one loves you and you don't think you're pretty".

3.) So, she wants to be "a professional model or weather forecaster". Again, kids, she's in college and these are her career aspirations. How the hell did I end up with an independent woman with an MBA, again? Personally, I blame Jillian Barberie for all of this as she's single-handedly made modeling and meteorology an opportunity for the ugly.

4.) "Mama, you made the hottest college girl in America!" Seriously, go back to the article and read that quote, again. With the added Tennessee context, I can get such a clear visual and, more importantly, a clear audio of this moment, now.

5.) Despite the title of this post, I personally thought Wedding Crashers was way overrated. Am I alone on this? I didn't see it until it came to DVD, but by then there was no way it could live up to everyone else's praise. Funny at times, but not funny enough.