Last week, I posted a piece about two broads who sent "sexy" (Disclaimer: One of them was not at all sexy.) pictures to a testosterone-based website and the consequences of their exhibitionist actions.
Since then, I've received e-mails from one of the girl's (the ugly one) roommates and two of her friends. Honestly, I have no idea how these people found my anonymous blog, but I hope they'll come for the bashing of their friend and stay for my Major League Baseball preview later this month!
Anyways, I present these e-mails to you in reverse order of irrationality:
i read your blog post about the saundra parola article. it was f*cking hilarious - she is my roommate. i live in a house with her and two other girls in chico. thanks for exposing the true stupidity of this girl.. it goes far beyond what the newspaper quoted.
-Name Withheld
Dude even sent along his phone number and address! Good enough for me, brutha.
I happen to be a friend of Saundra and the sh*t you wrote was the most retarded thing I've ever read. You wish you could get laid by someone as hot as her. Just keep sitting at your computer and jerking off to all the unfunny sh*t you write that no one reads.
-M.P.
Hate mail from women?! It's like I have two wives! Just for kicks, read the last three words of her first sentence and the last three words of her last sentence. Hypocrite.
You're a fucking nobody. I see you don't even bother to put up your own picture on your website because your probably ashamed that your too ugly. Saundra is my friend and she's beautiful inside and out. You're a hater couldn't get laid if you paid for it.
-Anonymous (just an email address in the "from" tab)
Well, I can't argue with her first point. Or her second, for that matter. Or her fourth. I'm pretty sure she omitted "who" in that last sentence, though. And, at least I know the difference between "you're" and "your".
And, is getting laid still a litmus test for coolness? More importantly, is "laid" still that pervasive of a verb?
At some point, me and my peer group just settled on "slept with" and left it at that. I mean "f*ck" was fine before we all turned 29, but at some point little boys must become men.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
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6 comments:
I think that "laid" is more of a "you need to..." type phrase. For instance if someone where to, oh let's say, be on a multi year abstaining from sex thing, people might suggest that said person "get laid."
If we're talking future tense I usually go with "hit" or "catch one" as in "I wouldn't mind hitting that" or "she could catch one."
If we're talking present or past tense, I'm all about the shag. "We shagged once or twice." "Oh, they're shagging."
Oh, and glad to see you're still getting email. Or is that "your still getting email?"
Long time lurker, first time poster. Just wanted to say how much I dig your work and all the readers posts that are just as funny.
It might be because I'm barely in my 20's, but "nail" is rude, low brow and still perfectly acceptable. I hear "poke" sometimes, but that doesn't properly convey the urgency of the moment.
Why not let The Nutty Professor be our guide and call it "having relations"?
I like "knowing" in the biblical sense. I know Jennifer. I know her well. I hope she has more stupid friends so you can turn this into a regular feature.
I've been in the copy of Cam when he's used "destroyed", "ruin" and "annihilate" in place of the f-word. I think these ALL work, with a gold star especially for "annihilate" which I've co-opted as well.
And, yes, ladies...I'm still single.
"I ruined her."
I love that one, Aaron. And, if I may invoke the spirit of Peter Griffin, "plow" is a perfectly acceptable euphemism as well.
I think that "doink" and "hump" are acceptable as well, but Tracy doesn't agree. She agrees that they are funny words that do not put her in the mood, but she could care less about committing said acts.
I need to get laid.
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